How to talk to your child about sex?
How to create a child's healthy attitude to sex? First of all - to cease to see it as something indecent, says sex therapist Jacqueline Helier.
I remember when my oldest son, who was five years old, came home one day after school. Giggling and blushing, he asked, do we with his father ... (laughter) something with the letter S. He was stunned when we said, "Yes, this is our cuddle time".
Once we explained to him that mom and dad have their cuddle time. When it is time we give each other lots of love. As he liked to cuddle, it was clear to him. He was glad to see cartoons or play kego on Sunday morning, when Mom and Dad occurred cuddle time. Imagine how difficult it was to realize that a good, positive and familiar cuddle time - this is something vulgar, indecent occupation with the letter C, which made fun of his classmates.
How to talk to your child about sex?
I was very happy that his first idea of sex was something connected with love, rather than a "C-word" that the children say to each other in whispers. In the same way we brought our two other children, and they also form a healthy attitude toward sex. They saw it as something normal and positive - what people are doing when ripe. Just the other day a mom in school said about my 11-year-old son, "How lucky you are to her son. He enlightens all our boys. " I decided to talk about it, because it has faced criticism because of the comment, which I gave to a journalist for a teen magazine. I talked about orgasms, but also that if sex is something good for you, and it will be good, and if, on the contrary, the bad, the sex will be awful. Of course, I did not mean that it is necessary to encourage teens to have sex, that their sexual experience was good.
No one explains teens porn - it is only a picture, taken to excite. The people there look like they are well. But this does not mean that they are really good.
Of course, they are aware that sex - it's nice. Teenagers in general are not so naive, especially today. In the old days - before the advent of the Internet - we were not inundated with information on the ears. Something about the reproductive system we learned in school, plus talk about pistils and stamens with their parents ... In short, to form the whole picture, we had to ourselves. Some have succeeded better than others.
Today, everything is different. In young people, early awakening a natural interest in sex. How do they satisfy their curiosity? If they have a choice between a boring lecture about the sperm and egg, awkward parental explanations and much more interesting (from their perspective) and accessible information they can get from a porn site, many will choose to just the last option. Thus, learning becomes a porn model - after all, do people there do not enjoy? Unfortunately, no one explains teens porn - it's just a pretty picture, taken to excite. The people there look like they are well. But this does not mean that they are really good. If you think that viewing porn gives children enough about sex, you can not read any further.
But if you want to have your children had a healthy attitude toward sex; that they were satisfied with their body and understand that sexuality can bring them a lot of pleasure and joy; if you want your kids to know how to make the right decisions when to start having sex, why do it and with whom ... Then you need to talk to them.
It is not always easy, given that we do not always unconcerned about their own sexuality. Therefore, you need first of all to understand yourself: look at their sexuality and understand it. Only then will you truly prepared to have to feel free to discuss this topic with their children, to give them a true and positive perceptions. And, what is more important - you need to show yourself an example of positive sexuality.
For details, see. On a personal site a sex therapist Helier Jacqueline (Jacqueline Hellyer).