What are friends for?

What are friends for?

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Our friends: how to do without them? How can I not praise them, telling others about our (long-standing) friendship? They are - what we live. Since childhood, they help us to grow and represent the first object of love outside the family. "Everyone knows that knowledge of the world we have always been friends need it, not the parents, - says psychologist Edward Martin (Edward Martin), an Italian expert Psychologies. - That's friends are helping us to grow, lead us to an understanding of ourselves. "

"I need friends to understand that I'm not alone. That I exist, that I accept the way I am, with all my pluses and minuses, "- says 34-year-old Lisa. Parents do not choose, but you can choose friends, and we choose ourselves. "It is our individuality allows friendships to blossom - adds 25-year-old Martin. - Thanks to her, we get those unique, unique and unforgettable people, which, in turn, so I want to make friends. " As explained by Fox Little Prince in the story by Antoine de Saint-Exupery: "If you tame me, you become my friend, and we need each other. You will be for me only in the world, and I - only for you. " We love our friends just for the fact that they allow us to be ourselves, with all our difficulties and acute angles. And each of our friends, consciously or not, plays an important role in our life balance.

symbiotic one: the one who saves you from loneliness, emptiness fills

"Nadia is more than a friend. She's my twin spirit. We are thinking about the same at the same time as if we have one unconscious for two. I do not know how I got married life, whether it is for good. But what I am sure without a shadow of a doubt, it's the fact that we will be friends with Nadia always "- sure 31-year-old Svetlana. Such a deep relationship with another person, do not involve the sensual overtones, indicate the need to escape from loneliness. "Symbiotic" one is your double, mirror. This is the person who makes sure that there is light at someone so like you, who share the same values, thoughts and opinions. "A person who seeks this type of friendship, it is generally difficult to be alone with yourself, - says Stefano Costa (Stefano Costa), psychotherapist, expert Italian Psychologies. - These are the people who, to feel alive and to be confident in its existence, must always be in contact with another person, and friendships must be special. " As such, the world appears to such people as dangerous as they are not the only ones faced with him, and together with a friend. This precious link, which, however, is a component of the strongest passions, paradoxically putting this relationship in jeopardy break at the first sign, interpreted as a "betrayal." For example, one of the two friends begin to chat and make friends with somebody third.

The trustee: someone with whom we feel ourselves

"What is particularly good when it comes to your friends, so that's what they love us in spite of our shortcomings. With them you can be yourself, while with his family, we often have to play a role and be her hostage: dutiful daughter, a loving wife, a perfect mother ... "- says 36-year-old Marina. Friendship gives us an opportunity not to be perfect, to show himself without masks, with all our doubts and weaknesses. "The belief that you understand and accept, is the basis of friendship. A true friend - someone to whom we can trust and who allows us to open up - says Ludovic Scarpa (Ludovica Scarpa), an expert in the field of communication, the expert Italian Psychologies. - We can tolerate such remarks from each other, which would never have suffered hearing it from a stranger, because in relation to our friend we are experiencing what I call a "positive bias": we know that he wants us only good, he helps us. Friendship - is just love, which does not need an effort to please or to achieve something, as opposed to romantic relationships. The friendship is not intended to and possession of the assignment, we turn to each other unselfishly, and that's why it becomes an absolute mutual trust. " Each - the trustee - is the one who does not judge us, but who tells us in no uncertain terms, with complete frankness, candor and sometimes this can hurt us.

An eyewitness: one who remembers how it all began

Often it is childhood friends with whom we remember the past and become children of the meeting, which had once been. Perpetuate childhood friendship - then keep the closeness with parents. With friends discuss family values, and both families. "Other people's parents were always better than their own - says Stefano Costa. - This is a protective mechanism: idealizing the other, we also idealize his family. Own parents always scolded, and other people did not pursue this goal thankless. " Friend-witness, even though he went the other way, reminds us of childhood, it allows us to evaluate and measure the distance traveled.

Compensator: the one who gives the missing

Friends compensate for what we lack, and confirm our "I". "First of all, adolescence and youth, - emphasizes Stefano Costa. - When the relationship with peers become the mirror by which young people unconsciously reinforce their choice. " Who was the oldest child in the family, he continues to carve out a place for itself the leader, finding friends who need it. Friends of this type embody considerable confidence and help to heal children's wounds. "Sergey for me as a big brother - says 45-year-old Maxim. - He gives me advice about work and helps me to move forward. " Of course, each compensator helps to better cope with the difficulties, but there is a risk of load it their problems and sufferings, for which he is not responsible.

Other Adventure: one who expands our view of the world

With another adventure you can explore all the unknown ... "The new trend of our busy lives is what we are looking for friendship shelter to protect themselves first and foremost - emphasizes the psychologist and Kaniklin Cesare (Cesare Kaniclin). - Well, if at this moment there is one adventure that opens our eyes to the world and the future. It is unlikely that we would be able to do it alone. " Each adventure leads us to take another look at a lot of things: just because it has a different way of life and social circle. Often in such cases, we are talking about creative people, such as artists. "Anton works as a photographer and is torn between Milan, Paris and New York. His life is a hundred light-years away from me, but every time we meet, we start the interrupted conversation with the place where you left off in the last meeting, "- says 42-year-old Dmitry. Attempts to surround yourself with this type of friends, far from the usual way of life, this is the path that is worth it to him to pass. Provided that the existing differences between you - it is a source of enrichment rather than the cause of misunderstanding.

Take the test "Friendship: determine your rate of sociability."