Cheryl Strijdom: "Hell - is other people's boyfriends"

Cheryl Strijdom:

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How do we behave in a situation where a person close to us in our eyes is walking straight to his misfortune? Below - the answer to this question, which offers the writer Cheryl Strayed (Cheryl Strayed). But first, one explanation. You will see the appeal "Honey." This pseudonym under which Cheryl Strayed few years answering incoming emails to TheRumpus site and simply mailed to 1. At Honey has its own character. She is frank, uninhibited and does not mince words. Publishing an excerpt from her correspondence, we apologize in advance to those readers who are its focus may confuse or offend.

Letter:

"What they are doing is wrong,"

Cheryl Strijdom:

"Honey Honey! I'm in the first year of high school, and we all know what high school - drama, drama and drama again. And my best friend (let's call her Jill) - the center of it all. You see, Jill meets a guy (let's call him Jack), who has a girlfriend who is studying in another school. He does not want to part with it for the sake of Jill (with the girl they've been together for more than a year).

In my opinion, this situation is unacceptable. Jack gives the impression of a nice guy, but it has a hidden disgusting, I just can not accept it. It seems that Jack really like Jill, but he did not want to give up any of them. I do not know which version of events, I would have preferred. On the one hand, I want to be happy, Jill and Jack broke up with the girlfriend. On the other hand, I think that he will go with Jill in exactly the same way as with his girlfriend. I was thinking to call Jack to "serious conversation", but not sure it's correct situation. Honey! How do I get at least one of them to see the light and realize that what they are doing wrong? "Worried Girlfriend

A:

"You can not make anyone" see. " You should not even try! "

"Dear Concerned Girlfriend! Drama, drama, drama - that's for sure! But it's such a simple drama! And it's hard. But it is better to know about it now, because you first years in high school, is at the beginning of such a veseluhi. Jean-Paul Sartre has a famous saying: "Hell - is other people." It is true, but more accurately as follows: "Hell - is other people's boyfriends" (or girlfriend, depending on the situation).

I was witness to how caring people I have changed themselves and suffered other betrayals, lied to and listened to the lies, committing emotional abuse and received it from their lovers. I sympathized and gave advice. I had to listen to a long and tedious story about the disastrous romantic misfortunes, which I predicted at the outset, because the girlfriend again and again chose a "wrong" person. But, alas, the world is the way, my dear, and nothing you can do about it. You've already read "Romeo and Juliet" by Shakespeare? People die because they want those whom they want. They make all kinds of crazy, wacky, cute, sweet, delightful, self-destructive behavior. You can not make anyone "to see the light and realize that what they are doing wrong." Just do not get! And do not even try!

What is happening between Jack and Jill, is a personal matter and Jill Jack. Jill knows that Jack meets with another girl, but still wants to be in a romantic relationship with him. And Jack is deceiving young woman to whom supposedly partial and confused with the other. It's ugly, but it's true. Do not get me wrong: I'm sorry. I know my words seem to you cold and imperturbable, but in fact I regularly bring to rabies some buffoon or a villain, which one or another of my close girlfriends decided to "fall in love". Terrible to see how the girlfriend decides that as you fear, hurt her. But here come into force boundaries, my dear Worried Friend ".

Do you know what is the border?

"The best, most sensible people on the planet know it, and because I have no doubt that you will become one of those people, you should know about the boundaries - and sooner rather than later. Little piquant situation with Jack, Jill and a woman from another school gave you just that opportunity.

Obviously, the emotions caused by your anxiety for Gill, and as a consequence, dislike of Jack clouded your ability to be aware of the boundaries. Your urge to intervene and call to order these doves tells me that you overestimate their strength and influence, and do not respect the right to self-determination Jill romantic - whom she undoubtedly has, how would you solve it or enraged. This does not mean that you should keep your mouth shut. Another feature of the best, most sensible people on the planet is that they have the courage to tell the truth. You should repeat Jill said to me: what do you want her to be happy, but since Jack - tomcat and a traitor, you are afraid that he will ever do to her in the same way as they are now supplied with your other "real" girlfriend . Hear her answer with an open mind and a critical mind. Love her, even if it will do what, how do you hope it will do when you indicate to the fact that her unforgettable - a sack of shit. We wish her the best, not vputyvayas emotionally in a situation that has nothing to do with you. (Do you remember about the boundaries of her life - your life is not your life -. Not her life, and so on.). Then, worried friend, just let happen what is happening between Jack and Jill. Look forward to, if they prove that you're wrong. Take care of Jill if uprightness will be at your side. Meanwhile cultivates understanding heaps of other truths, known as the best and most sensible people on the planet: life is long; people like change and remain the same; all of us to a man must be breaking anything and be forgiven; we all just go, go and go, trying to find my way, and all roads eventually lead to the top of the mountain. " your Honey

1 Cheryl Strayed Correspondence with readers' Lovely stuff "is preparing to leave in the Eksmo publishing house, and her novel" Wild "has already been published (EKSMO 2015).