Meeting with daffodil - than you face?
Did you have a good mood, but after a meeting with this person, you start to look at what is happening and to itself with doubt and anxiety. What's the matter?
The man who suddenly made you feel worse, it can be anyone. For example, my mother kid that plays with your sandbox. Thirty minutes of communication she gave you to understand that everything is perfect time to: building a career, engaged children while she is unfamiliar feeling of guilt, which often have working mothers. And a couple of questions, if she casually asked, suddenly make you feel: you her background - do not have time to loser. But in the morning it seemed to you that you are fine with the whole deal.
According to psychoanalyst Alfred Adler (Alfred Adler), "in the vast majority of cases we are dealing with people who successfully build" facade "of his life. They assert themselves at the expense of your self-doubt that you have time to sow. This commitment to excellence is distinguished daffodils, that is, people with narcissistic personality type, seeking to reassert themselves their own importance at any cost. " By studying the behavior characteristic of such people, Alfred Adler identified two types of daffodils, "pretentious" or "grand" - those who sincerely believes that all around superior, and "vulnerable" - those who, under the mask of perfection conceal internal weakness and extreme insecurity .
In a sense, it is "vulnerable", as opposed to the "grand", are large "social predators", as for the feeling of superiority they need psychologically to suppress neighbors. Psychologist James Brook of the University of Derby (James Brookes) analyzed the characteristics of these people, and showed that it can minimize the damage they can cause 1.
He would have made it better
Suppose, you instructed the responsible project. It would seem that before such professional tasks you are not scared and looked interesting. However, as long as you are forced to cooperate with the new colleague, you think you're doing it wrong and you will cover all the work. He does not criticize you directly, but some inadvertently thrown remarks and a short mention of what successes he achieved, acting quite differently, make you doubt their abilities. If every contact with this person amplifies your doubts, then we can say with a high probability - your counterpart projects its uncertainty on you.
Often disguised as a complaint. But it looks to others, so that even a person experiences and difficulties seem attractive. The brightest area for this vanity fair - social networks. All we regularly read posts "sufferers", literally forced himself to death while traveling, enduring the hardships of flights with disgusting food, so soured in recent years in the business class. And they have no rest at home - it is necessary to attend the musical performances daughter (which she, of course, won the first place), the son of hockey competitions, whose team won thanks to a goal scored offspring.
Your low standard clamps
After a meeting with the person suddenly becomes clear to you - something with which you have been put up, would not have gone had he "quality control". He would never have agreed to such a salary, did not have dinner in the restaurant, in which you are going, would not have saved last summer, like you, to the hotel. "But I could (would) like to rest more comfortably," - we catch myself thinking, listening to the arguments of the interlocutor. He, it seems, does not boast, and certainly does not condemn your choice. Your partner tends to look democratic, and makes it clear how to appreciate the value for money. Just had literally on Oscar Wilde, a very simple taste - it selects only the best. He tells you about your priorities, you suddenly become awkward for their choices. "At such moments, it is worth remembering - all veiled desire to get up at your expense, - says James Brooke. - Find identity with things and services (which are also often exist only in the imagination of our interlocutor) causes extreme insecurity. Any of your doubts and unpleasant emotions feed the ego of this man. " 1 J. Brookes "The effect of overt and covert narcissism on self-esteem and self-efficacy beyond self-esteem", Personality And Individual Differences, October, 2015.