"Any emotions are valuable, if we know how to use them"

Psychologist David Caruso believes that the ability to understand their

and someone else's mood and makes it easier to manage our lives

at work and just life. We asked him how to make practical use of emotions. Visual demonstration.

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emotion recognition helps to communicate or to calculate the offender, as we know from the series "Lie to Me". But the main thing - do not just read the emotions and understand that this information to do next, right? For example, I see that a colleague is upset or not focused on the job, how do I proceed?

David Caruso:

Start still need a reliable data. For example, I think that a colleague angry with me, and I try to deal with his anger. But what if I incorrectly identified his emotion, that, if it is not angry? Maybe he was just tired or he is sad? To get a high-quality source data, we ask, "Where are you now are on the energy scale of 1 to 10, and on the scale of pleasure from 1 to 10?" It turns out "mood meter". That's where you are now?

I think about 3 on the energy scale, and 8 on a scale of pleasure.

J. K .:

Well, this is the first step. Then, as you noted, the following are needed. I must say that the low level of energy and a high satisfaction level is well suited for an interview. In this frame of mind, we are prone to reflection and introspection, are susceptible to what we are told. We teach clients that every mood is valuable, it can be adapted to the situation. State "a lot of energy, a little fun," where the anxiety and anger may also be helpful. So the first step - to find out where you are.

"We know that anger can be useful, it arises from a sense of injustice, it motivates us"

And then what? What does it matter?

D. K .:

This is the second step is to understand its features correspond to your mood to your needs. For example, to interview well, if you are in a mood like this. Then comes the third step: why are you so feel? Where did you get this condition? As depending on what will change your emotions? Finally, the fourth step - it is management of emotions, his and another person. For example, can I ask you why you have a little power, and you will answer me, say that there is little sleep.

D. K .:

Yes, many people complain about it. Then I have to think that for my part I can do for you to be involved in a conversation with me, we focus on it. Actually, this is the emotional intelligence. Let's take another situation: you tell me that your co-worker, boss or client is now energetic and feeling great displeasure. We know that anger can be useful, it arises from a sense of injustice, it motivates us, but not in this case. How, then, to me cope with my anxiety due to the fact that in front of me an irate customer? What can I say to change his emotions? I can do this with a tone and a low tone of voice: "I see you are now difficult moment, you still want to hold this meeting?" So you can slightly "displace" the interlocutor mood. Is there a danger that those whom you have trained to be manipulated other people's feelings, to use them for their own purposes?

DK .:

This issue we are also concerned. However, our data show that managers with a strong emotional intelligence (EI) tend to create a positive working environment. They are more receptive to the needs of others. After all, if I feel your pain, I will not use your EI to hurt you. Moreover, I will make every effort to make your life a little better. I will be compassionate to you, I will try to reduce your anxiety, alleviate the anger. Can someone use these skills maliciously? Sure! But we do not see that this has happened often. Empathy - a kind of safety valve: I will not deliberately hurt you, if only because I do not want to feel this pain. Another thing is that we do not develop your EI until you are sure that you really know how to manage their emotions. Otherwise, we will teach you to feel and understand the emotions of other people, they can overwhelm you. So there is stress and what is called "compassion fatigue from": if you're a doctor, nurse, and feel all the emotions of others as their own, you will come pretty quickly burnout.

Thank you very much for this interview!

DK .:

You know, I really want you, when you prepare the text, you feel happy. To do this, I need more power ...

DK .:

Exactly! Therefore, take a deep breath, go for a walk, tell yourself: "This is so cool! All these different methods of application of emotional intelligence: at school, at work, for the parents, "And you will feel the joy!. And then, when you edit this article, before handing to the press, I would like to make you a little sad: it is sad people better check the facts, see the grammatical errors ... so that our theory has great practical significance. Thank you and good luck!

David R. Caruso (David R.Caruso) - Emotional Intelligence Center Fellow at Yale University (USA). Co-author of the most authoritative test to determine the level of emotional intelligence MSCEIT (Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test). Co-author (with Peter Saloveem) of the book "Emotional intelligence chief. How to develop and implement "(Peter, 2016) .