What do we learn in kindergarten

What do we learn in kindergarten

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The main ideas

  • Kindergarten - place where most of us spend the few years when the foundations of our behavior, as well as having psychological problems and fears.
  • In kindergarten, we learn three basic skills: interaction with society (the authorities and rules), social skills and cooperation, adaptation to new conditions.
  • Selected by us in childhood strategies apply in our adult lives.

- Please help yourself! - welcomes the client I - finance manager large trading company. In front of him a dish of fruit, nuts, candies, and a plate of sandwiches. - No, I did not have dinner. Just I used all the time something to chew on. I can not help myself. It's since childhood - he explains an unexpected desktop edible abundance.

Later, in the course of psychological work, we'll find out at least one of the reasons for his intemperance in eating.

- When I was little, I ate something bad. One kindergarten teacher tried unsuccessfully to feed me porridge. Came the cook - wicked, sharp aunt, her children were afraid. She threatened: "You will not be there, will soon die. I promise you. From fear, I immediately ate all the porridge and since then has not stopped eating.

Kindergarten - a place where most of us have spent two or three years of the first seven years, when the foundations of our behavior and that, alas, have psychological problems.

We usually do not remember much about that time. But even forgotten experiences have on us enormous power. They continue to live in the unconscious and are being drawn into its orbit all the new experiences, emotions, circumstances.

Three skill

In kindergarten, the child learns the three main skills. And depending on how well he is their master, will develop his character, relationships with others and, most importantly, with yourself. These three skills:

1. To organize the interaction with society

The child learns to interact with the teachers and the group as a whole. Teachers need to listen, to obey its requirements, follow the accepted rules, but at the same time be able to defend their own interests, to clearly communicate their needs. So developing skills of interaction with the authorities, organizations, social intelligence and the ability to "embed" themselves in society: this does not have to be sociable, you have to be smart and feel the balance of power. There are different strategies: the complete subordination of the existing order and the "power" revolt and resistance at every opportunity, or - the ideal choice: a harmonious combination of obedience and disobedience, depending on the circumstances. The strategy is fixed and subsequently becomes an essential component of our personality.

"I picked up from kindergarten with tears, weeping parents, and I do not"

- I've never had superiors, I always work on yourself, - tells about his childhood experiences founder and leader of the large Russian advertising agency. - I did not listen to teachers in kindergarten and school teachers. Any attempt to impose their will and their power to show cause my desperate protest - even over trifles. I was impossible to get to sit quietly when I wanted to run, or put to sleep, when I was in the heat of the game. When they shouted at me, pressed, demanded, I am even more naglel and resisted. And in the end I won: exhausted my stubbornness adult "waved his hand at me," and I was doing what I wanted. parents taking me from kindergarten with tears, but they were crying, and I did not. At home, I still suffered the dictates of adults, but outside it - never. That grew so unruly. But I am able to command and love. There are other examples. One of the leaders of the Moscow zoo told me that his professional career in many ways defined the fun of interaction with the inhabitants of kindergarten "nature corner" (guinea pigs, hamsters, turtles) and adults praise for their diligence.

2. Communication with peers

A child learns to play with other children, to share experiences, enjoy the pleasure of joint activities, to cooperate, to yield, to win his place in the team, deal with grievances. Further life these skills develops and supplements, but "deep roots" of our ability to communicate with others "sprout" at this time, at the age of 3-6 years. Here, too, there are three behavioral strategies: submission, domination and partnership. The strategy prevails in our adult behavior.

We continuously gain experience - positive or negative. That's life, from which it is impossible to protect or save

Most people who have succeeded in their careers, happy to recall communication in kindergarten: "I quickly made friends with the guys in the group. And although I do not like to hang around in the kindergarten all day, I'm willing to go there - I just wanted to play with the guys. " "I adore to fight with the boys. More precisely, we fought - especially during walks. It was then that I learned to not be afraid to communicate even with stronger rivals. It really helped me later in life. "

A public man told how as a child he performed at a concert in kindergarten: "I must have been so much fun - on fixed on me an approving glance, from a surplus of emotion, the applause! I am confident that this early and joyful experience turned me into a public figure. "

3. The adaptation to the new conditions and a control

The child learns to adapt to new conditions and manage their feelings. This ability can be called one word - independence. Small, tender child, around which revolves the whole domestic life suddenly turns cold, strict and as often seems hostile space. Get out of a familiar environment in an unknown, full of uncertainty and novelty of the world is not easy, even for the most daring. After the first time we find ourselves alone, without family, in the face of an alien world, and have only themselves responsible for their words, actions and mood.

Exercise: help inner child

Remember kindergarten - mentally walk around its halls, corridors, cubbyhole. Look out into the yard. Take a good look at the faces of teachers and children. Someone know? How do you feel? What immediately comes to mind? What words do you hear? Imagine that you - the one little boy or girl who goes to the kindergarten. Feel his or her energy, strength, and perhaps even the thrill and pain. Now imagine that you are an adult, stand next to a small. Pull the baby's hand, stay together among children noise, shouts and guidance teachers, sit at the dinner table, correct blanket on the edge of a bed during quiet sleep ... Ask yourself, a child that he is pleased and that disturbs. Let him share with you all that he wants. Be with them careful and attentive, listen, show empathy, dare to care, tell us that it will grow and become an adult and strong. And the lost harmony is restored. How to survive this? How to cry, how to let go of Mom's hand? The sooner we find the skills of independent existence, the stronger and more diverse they are. "Over time, I realized that the children's garden - it's not so bad. I can rest there from the eternal teachings of my grandmother who raised me constantly. A teacher in the garden had one at all. And I was somewhat easier than at home. After all, I've been there more independent, more free. I now like to always be among the people in the community "- a comment I once heard from a young perspective transport company manager. A child in kindergarten learning to adapt, to control their feelings, accept the reality. Everyone do it, someone - not so.

I began these reflections with the stories about gluttony, originating in kindergarten fears. There are other similar stories. "I am afraid of loneliness. When left alone, causeless alarm begins. Once I realized where it came. I was picked up from kindergarten later than other children. Those happily going home, shouting good-bye to me, "If you do not take away, you'll spend the night alone in the kindergarten. All gone, and you'll be stuck here all night, "And it is true, because it may happen - I thought in despair. And he rolled a terrible anxiety. It looks like I'm not cured of these fears till now "- shared with me his secret client.

Unfortunately, even the most attentive and sensitive educators and most experienced child psychologists can not protect them from the bitter experiences and deep trauma. We continuously gain experience - positive or negative. That's life, from which it is impossible to protect or save. But we can remember, realize change attitudes, even when we have grown up.

About the Author:

Maria Makarushkina - psychologist, coach, business consultant, Head of the VIP-counseling "ECOPSY" company.