All men do it: what happens to the men's training
PHOTO Getty Images
Paris School of Gestalt therapy offers a three-day training is only for men. It Psychologies journalist felt the need to defend themselves, the fear of homosexuality and the joint force tears. He returned to the editor transfigured and told how it was.
- And where is that tadpole?
On the third day of classes had to find a totem animal. I chose the salmon. For reproduction it rises upstream. Danger along the way are countless, the task is difficult. However, he manages. Leading invited me to lie on the floor. He then asked for four volunteers to sit on my back, and I had to make its way through the dense mass of bodies. And at that moment I heard the toughest of them, the most uncouth, Oscar 1, irritated me from the first day, with a smile drops and ninety pounds of his weight on my ribs, "And where is that tadpole?"
One of the exercises included in the union trio: two represented the parents, the father and mother, and the third was the "baby", curled up between them
This training attracted me with its motto: "If you're a man - come!". This appeal to the masculine, provocative: What is to be a man at all? For me, as for more than twenty male personalities gathered under this roof in the Norman hinterland, it is not a self-evident matter.
- There's so many guys at the entrance of resin their cigarettes, just awful! - Eric, whom I met over a glass some time after training, recalls his fears of his command: "As a child I could not stand the atmosphere of those places where there are only men. All these changing rooms. This bestiality. The presence of women always gave me confidence. And here I'll like? And what about seduction? I generally like to seduce ... "He smiled so relieved now free to talk about it. "I know that among us there are homosexuals. I'm afraid that I have desired - and my own desire can hide behind this fear! " I laughed. "Can you imagine, and I demanded that I lived in a separate bedroom!" This is what we have been through ...
The men also cry
At a fairly early stage of training, we were made to establish with each other physical contact, regardless of sexual inclination. This is probably a common practice for men's groups, and certainly common to Gestalt therapy, where the tactile experience plays a key role.
a hug, to feel warm and cozy human body, a friendly pat on the arm, shoulder, - part of the work that we offer.
One of the exercises included in the union trio: two represented the parents, the father and mother, and the third was the "baby", curled up between them. "Everyone embraced it so unites". This memory made Eric frowned. "It was difficult for me. I gasped. " He then told us that the atmosphere in which increased authoritarian mother, faceless father.
But then, when, in turn, changed places with each others, it gave the opportunity to experience the sometimes very conflicting emotions, from peace and comfort to depression and anxiety. "The child, who we fear crush - I remembered. - We are afraid and want to crush. " "But in some moments - great joy. Who came from very far, "- he added.
In the end, we all have the same concerns: lust, seduction, difficulties with his father, authoritarian mother or sadness because of its early losses, fear of being alone
The words flowed. The expression of emotions - including sometimes inability to feel, - along with touch is crucial for male groups. Dare to look into each other's eyes. "I am of those who are cruel to their children, - said one of us. - So much anger. I want to kill them. I love them, but I could have killed them. " There was silence. It was not a condemnation of the one who spoke, but the silence of waiting for something else. And then a voice: "Me too." Then another. Many of us in the eyes sting. "And I, too, - I said. - And me too". The spasm of sobs, huge bubbles of tears. "And so do I, and I, too." I felt a warm, comforting touch of his hand. To be a man - it's not only that, but this too.
In the group of men, and there is the issue of sexuality. About different sexuality.
We say frankly, the more that come for three or four groups, like in the alcove. "When I migrate it two, three, and then four fingers, I feel a greater affinity than when I do a member, because it is not as sensitive and skillful as fingertips" - shares with us Daniel, in as much detail, that we all have something to think about. Mark takes the floor: "When I want to get the guy, it's simple: I want to plant it in the ass." And this also plunges us into a reverie.
- I never looked at it from this angle, - Daniel dropped. We all laughed. In the end, we all have the same concerns: lust, seduction, difficulties with his father, authoritarian mother or sadness because of its early losses, fear of loneliness. And sometimes we feel a little boy in a man's body. "I am old, and I no longer stands as before, - admitted one of the leading. - God knows how I love "The potency - our fundamental strength, but if we assume that it is in lieu of all, it becomes an illusion. Nothing lasts forever, as the Buddhists say.
Boys became men
On the veranda, where we drink, Eric takes a few nuts: "I learned in this training is dangerous to identify with his erection. For a long time I thought that the man to be happy, you need to preserve potency. Now I know that it is better to separate these things. " These are good memories. Good. In the evening we met everyone who was there at the long wooden table. - As the monks - Eric commented.
- Or the sailors - I suggested.
Wine flowed there. "No, really, - said my friend - I finally thought to stay for a few days without these women was very relaxing. I finally did not have to seduce anyone! "
To stay in these few days without women was very relaxing. I finally did not have to seduce anyone!
Yes, there was still the case with the "tadpole". When I was a kid, I was called "tadpole canned" because of points.
I suffered. I was a little boy, lonely and glasses. And then suddenly, years later, when I tried hard to be a salmon, one in front of this wall of men, this human avalanche, with their smells, masculine shouts, hairy, teeth, I felt like falling into the abyss of childhood, where all of the than I asked for - a pat, reassuring hand on his shoulder. And this snapper I probably broke a rib! Then another leading training intervened to release me. But this was not the end. "And now - Fight! Fend off the bear. "
Oscar was a bear. The battle was going to be outstanding. I fought with a man twice as heavy as me. which in the end we admitted that his classmates looked down upon. It was the highest, "cornstalk" and was so shy that dared to defend himself: he's wanted to be loved, but did not know what to do sometimes have to fight - and therefore despised, hated and showered blows. We grappled. Oscar spare ribs my patients. But his grip was firm and look - a friendly and soft. "Come on, drop all of that accumulated. Exempt. " He has a deep voice, a man's voice. 1 For reasons of confidentiality the names and some personal information changed.