How high expectations kill ratio

How high expectations kill ratio

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Expectations of the relationship based on our early experience. Children expect that parents will feed, protect and support them. But some parents do not care about the baby properly: a long time to leave him alone, do not respond to the requests of cold him. If a child fails to get the attention of parents, he feels abandoned and useless. He is imbued with the conviction that does not deserve love.

Growing up, we move on to other people's thirst for love and attention, which could not get from their parents. We are waiting for friends and loved ones, they make up for what we lacked in childhood. If someone shows kindness to us, we are ready to trust him. We believe (as a child): If you behave "good", our choice will appreciate and love us. But if he is not ready to accept this role, we lose interest in him and breaks up, not letting them develop.

5 most common expectations that harm relations

1. In a happy relationship partner guess the thoughts and anticipate the desires of each other. "He understands me perfectly. I can feel it even at a distance. like a telepathic connection between us. " When partners are passionate about each other and live together for a long time, they really are tuned to each other. But the idea that someone has to guess the meaning of our words and actions, leads to disappointment and detachment from reality.

We are now taking on other people's thirst for love and attention, which could not get in childhood from parents

is no coincidence that the belief that the other person knows our secret thoughts and communicates with us through secret signs, often accompanied by mental disorders. For example, people who suffer from schizophrenia, can build an imaginary relationship with strangers: expect them messages, guidance and protection.

2 In a happy relationship is no conflict. Moments misunderstandings happen at all. No matter how you get along with each other, still happen incidents. Some couples are so believe that happiness is incompatible with the quarrels that attempt under any pretext to avoid them. As a result, "still waters" accumulate claims that sooner or later break out.

3. Happy attitude always remain the same as in the honeymoon. To be healthy and strong, the relationship should develop. Each one of us for life is undergoing internal changes, crises, change their views and priorities. To believe that a relationship should always remain as such in the beginning - is to deny the very variability of our nature.

Some couples believe that happiness is incompatible with the quarrels, and try any excuse to avoid them

4. Happy couples spend all their time together. Love does not bother each other's company. Partners is important to spend time together, to understand each other better, to maintain the warmth and affection. But at the same time each of us has its own interests; everyone needs time to themselves. The desire in whatever was to share all for two can lead to mutual irritation and estrangement. 5. If the above relationship is necessary to "work", it means that with them that something is wrong. One of the most common misconceptions - a harmonious relationship should be developed smoothly. Once paired arise quarrels and insults, it supposedly says that the partners initially made the wrong choice. But no relationship can not from the outset to be perfect. As in life in general, in the ways we go by trial and error. If the first serious disagreement makes one of the partners to question their choice, it is worth considering whether it is ready for a serious relationship at all.

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About the Author

Tara Bates Daford (Tarra Bates-Duford), a family psychologist, a psychological consultant.