I learned that my husband likes men
PHOTO Getty Images
There is a popular American TV series "Grace and Frankie". His heroine, have been married for more than a decade, suddenly discover that their husbands are homosexuals. The series is a comedy, and all the vicissitudes filed with humor. But in real life, when one of the spouses in age couple makes coming out, it can break your heart both. "The victims are both partners", - says Amity Pierce Buxton (Amity Pierce Buxton), she survived this drama based organization and 1 to support those who find themselves in a similar situation.
Website The Huffington Post has published three stories of women who have been through such an ordeal.
We had a wonderful marriage, two children, but over time the husband started to move away from me. He soon retired, I traveled alone and spent all the time without me. I do not attach any special significance.
Then he went away from me, and a year later was invited to dinner, during which stated that I was frigid, what led me into a rage. Later he was taken to hospital - he did some minor surgery, and I came to visit him. He has not yet completely away from the anesthesia, and suddenly said: "I must have something to say. I'm gay". I laughed for the first time: "Are we in a soap opera?"
After that you start to ask yourself, "What does it mean? I was sexy enough? I do not know how to properly make love? "
It turned out that he had a lover, which he threw to marry me because I was Catholic. But he has never cheated on me until we were married. At first I was shocked, then I refused to believe it. It took some time before I was able to accept the reality. After such a start to ask yourself, "What does it mean? I was sexy enough? I do not know how to properly make love "Then come and the following thoughts:"? If my life has become a part of someone else's deception, then who I was, "All of my ideas about themselves were overturned. It is clear that our marriage was a kind of prison for him. Once he told me: "I can not live any more," I replied, "Yes, of course you can!" The next day he committed suicide. He could not take it anymore. He was a wonderful man, and I'm really grieved. I think he struggled with depression for years because all his life he could not be himself.
We had been married for 10 years when I suspected that he had an affair with another woman. I then overheard him talking to someone on the phone about dancing in a bar. But then something made me think that he was talking with a man. One evening during the holidays, we drank too much, and I decided to ask him a direct question, to which he replied: "I've always liked men."
Several times during the following years, I tried again to bring it to such a conversation, but he was starting to get angry, so I stopped asking questions. But the thought of it never left me. I started watching him, trying to build a complete picture of the various "clues", but only after 10 years, finally decided to divorce. By that time, the situation is tense, he finally began to recognize its orientation. I plucked up courage and asked: "Did you know that you are gay, before we were married?" And he replied: "Yes."
A part of me was covered with rage and hatred, but there was another, no less significant part of me that felt sorry for him
Then and long after that, I felt very mixed emotions about to reveal the truth. Some part of me was covered with rage and hatred, but there was in me, and the other, at least a significant portion of which is felt sorry for him. I remember I told him that if he was honest with me, we could be best friends. In the end I said I wanted to leave him. The truth about his orientation was a serious blow to my self-esteem. If I lived with a man for 20 years and nothing had no idea what it says about me? After that I was scared to meet someone, I'm afraid of intimacy. But on the other hand, if I have such a tolerant person? No I have prejudices? I think the lack of tolerance and prejudice important qualities, and this situation has allowed me to look at myself from the outside.
I tell my children that ideally we could relax together, but she is not yet quite ready for it. I do not fully understand, as he is going through everything. It seems to me that he did coming out only half: he does not call himself gay, simply says that he is interested in men. He seemed to be afraid to say the word, so I think everyone is still hard for him.
My story is probably different from most similar. I knew everything before we got married, but I was drawn to her future husband, he was a true love of mine. Once before the wedding, Dick said to me: "I owe you a confession. If not for you, I would be a homosexual. " It was in 1966, when gay if he did not exist. In my environment was not a single person of homosexual orientation. I thought it was just something like neurosis. He agreed that this is partly true. At one time he went to see a therapist, and I suggested: maybe he just needs a complementary therapy?
He made me an offer and we got married. I did not realize that he suffered, did not know that he is still thinking or fantasizing about men. We did not talk about it. One day he told me I do, and I was just crushed. It was a terrible feeling of loss. On the other hand, I was a feminist and very supportive of the struggle for gay rights, which at that time was just beginning. I told him I admire his courage.
If I found out that he was sleeping with another woman, to me, it just killed
If I found out that he was sleeping with another woman, it would just kill me. That would mean that I was pushed to the point that I took - with him. But I was still the only woman in his life, and I was comforted. But, as after any breakup with a man who truly loved life could no longer be the same.
He was the most important person in my life and went on to become as long, until my daughter was born. My second husband all not really care as long as Dick died of AIDS in 1986. My husband was surprised by my grief. And I have no one else had such a close relationship as with Dick. All of my youth with its strong emotions was associated with him. This has not changed.
For details, see. Site The Huffington Post.
1 Straight Spouse Network