How to regain the ability to dream?
Close your eyes and remember. Your children's dreams were so vivid, so real! You were adventurer, a dancer or a firefighter, you should build a ship or flying through the air, to live among the wolves and lions ... you whole body felt that gave you these dreams - the joy, the power, the freedom. Everything seemed possible.
What did we do with all this? It's not about specific desires, and of courage to dream, this rush of reckless faith in yourself.
Someone answered sigh, someone is troubled. Many of us believe that an adult to anything in the clouds, it is necessary to be realistic. What are there in the bush, and when a bird in the hand gets very difficult. Dreams, they say - a lot of youth, not knowing life.
Sociologists confirm it: two-thirds of those who want - people under 35 years old. No, unworldly, of course, also the ability to dream, but their dreams are practical and almost certainly feasible.
Failure to dream because the uncertainty is unbearable for us
Even if you talk very sensibly, it is still obvious that something is wrong with us. According to HeadHunter recruiting site, 81% of employees of Russian companies would like to change profession. And 30% of them believe that they are not in place, 29% - that can not be realized, a quarter were disappointed in the profession, 22% complain of burnout, one in ten have not achieved success in their work. Against this background, those who are not satisfied with the salary, very little - 29%. So, the vast majority are dissatisfied with the essence of his work. However, only a third decided to change profession! "We are afraid of disappointment, failure, - says Svetlana Fedorova psychoanalytic psychotherapist. - But even more abandonment of dreams because we are not able to withstand the uncertainty, it may be intolerable for us ".
A vague but pervasive dissatisfaction with life can feel and those who like everything in order and with a career and a family, and with the money. "Often this feeling comes around the age of 40 years, - says Svetlana Fedorova. - A man has achieved much and can afford a variety of fun. But in reality it nothing brings true joy. However, he does not ask myself: is this really what I want? I live the life you want some? "
This is one of the problems of modern consumer civilization. It gives us a lot of temptations, and we substitute this, his own dream of a small, artificial, imposed from outside.
"Western thinkers are increasingly talking about the essential depression - continues Svetlana Fedorova. - The man himself does not hear, he can not understand the signals of his psyche. In a sense, he becomes a robot. Studies show that the French psychoanalysts, this leads to a variety of physical health problems. " The body starts to signal that things are not so good in our lives as we thought.
Sometimes it's just a temporary lack of energy, lack of energy. But the case can reach up to severe diseases. Increasingly help turn seemingly affluent customers, says therapist Ines Weber - who at the same time feel guilty, because the "real problems" they do not. And the therapist says: "In the end, I realized that they come to me, not in order to solve their problems, but to defend the right to their own aspirations for a genuine development itself and life itself." This request for a spiritual order rather how to be yourself?
Obscure Object of Desire
Become a. Why else fulfill their dreams, if not in order to be in harmony with its innermost nature? But how to achieve this? Implement fantasy? To set goals and achieve them? And what kind of dream we talking about?
Psychoanalysis distinguishes between "desire" - the sum of our aspirations, we can formulate, and deep unconscious "desire", which are sent all these individual aspirations. The primary desire, writes psychoanalyst Gerard Bonnet, "does not miss any opportunity to make their voices heard, to pave his way to the carrier desires could put it in his actions, in his own design, art, lifestyle, even if at the same time he constantly feels that all that is fragile, it is always not quite right. " All our existence is aimed at finding "Obscure Object of Desire", which nourishes our life force, but remains essentially unattainable for us.
Our goals will bring us satisfaction and fulfillment only when they will respond to this request for the secret depths. And for this we need to make decisions, not focusing on the model adopted in the community and in accordance with the internal pulse. But to hear it?
To develop the imagination of
This question is particularly relevant if we have long ceased to listen to your desires and do not feel that really want. "Those who do not have plans, are not devoid of desire", - says Gerard Bonn. But we must deal with his quest, patiently and without respite. Here is one way that offers a psychoanalyst. Our desire was conceived as a child, when we passionately want to find an object (object, power, human), that would allow us to make tests, to meet face to face with an opponent, "turn anxiety into a driving force." What was it? We no longer remember. But the very desire to play, this is the inherent property. It is repeated in an encrypted form, as Freud pointed out, in our dreams. That's where we can find him! Therefore, experts recommend to record dreams, noticing recurring motifs that tell us both about our nature and implementation of the new features of our "I".
To follow it does not necessarily mean dramatically change life for his dream
Svetlana Fedorova proposes to focus not on the events of a dream, and related experiences: "Dreams are important their feelings. You need to pick up those that give us pleasure, to catch the state of inspiration and happiness. Do not be afraid and do not be ashamed if seen seems to us unacceptable in a dream. Just let it be, surprise your unconscious. With surprise and begins the ability to dream. After that we can move the inspiration from the field of sleep in his real life. "
Follow your dreams does not necessarily mean dramatically change life: a job, a partner, a house or a country. It is possible, if there is no other way out of an intolerable situation, and for this, of course, takes a lot of courage. Sometimes despair leads us to the fact that all the cast, to destroy what we have, in the hope of one day then build their lives anew. But this is not the way to a dream, but an escape from reality, warns Svetlana Fedorova. In most cases, our dream and the reality of our lives today have a common ground: we can only find them, and then we will open the potential for creativity and development that we already have.
"Do not cut the end of the children wings"
Little children playing, depict beautiful princesses and brave knights. As they grow older, already do not know, something to dream and what path to choose. How to help them identify their desires and live the life that suits them? Reflects philosopher and psychotherapist Nicole Prieur.
When we ask teens what they want to do in the future, we see that they are very pragmatic, as if no longer allow themselves to look at life is widely ...
Indeed, to see me come adolescents who desire to have disappeared like so crushed their adult his concern: "It's vague, unrealistic, you fail." Senior alarm clear: the professional world is harsh. However, it makes only see the vulnerability of the child, rather than its capabilities. Parents want to make it fit the pattern safe, instead of supporting the desire to do what he really wants.
In addition, parents are often themselves have to endure a lot in life, and they do not tire of reminding their teens about this: "Adulthood is not a holiday every day, if you suddenly think that I've been having some fun." And thereby undercut their wings, undermining hopes for a truly realize.
So, to support their dreams, we must first work on our own views that we limit? N. P .:
Yes. We must ask ourselves, what scares us so much that we are willing to crush their will. After all, to take his place in life, we need a strong motivation, fueled by dreams. We must support their imagination by asking: "What is udavshayasya for your life? ? If you had a magic wand, where would you be and what would you do, "I really like adolescence, because it can be a reason for our growth: the children look for yourself and encourage us to do the same.
This is an appropriate moment to regain the ability to dream, to hope for change. We are able to show them that at any age you can take a proactive stance towards life, enjoy it. But it should not be just words. It is necessary to show by example, otherwise we will give them only our fear of failure.
In preparing the material used data from the Institute of Sociology, the company hh.ru.