What do you mean a dream: "My husband goes to another"

pain of betrayal, grief from the loss of a loved one who chose us to someone else ... Jungian analyst Stanislav Rajewski explains what it means to dream in which her husband goes to the other.

What do you mean a dream:

We met a young man, I wanted to create a family with him, but he admitted that he had a relationship with another woman for over 9 years. I was in despair, it seemed as if the whole world betrayed me. He broke the old relationship. We got married, had a son. But sometimes I dream that her husband leaves her. I call him, but he did not answer or said that will not return. Every time I run after him, call, it seems that life has stopped. I cry again like to relive deception, sometimes screaming in a dream and I wake up with tears in her eyes. What do I do with this?

Elizabeth, 24 years


Sleep is a complex core of abandonment. It makes painfully react to signs that we can throw. It should partner paid a little more attention to the work or friends, a little less than us - and the complex is included. Then we try to regain the attention or control the behavior of the partner, for example, to arrange his scandal. Sometimes we do not realize that the complex included, but in a dream favorite leaves, pierces us pain, we wake up in tears, overwhelmed. And as we did receive from relatives evidence of their loyalty, it does not help. How complex is formed?

You write that it contributed to the real situation: you find out about the deception. But I, like most of my colleagues, I believe that the attachment pattern is emerging in our early childhood. In adults, only injuries are repeated childhood experiences. Some of us are so caught his childhood experiences of abandonment, they find themselves dropping or partners are doing everything to have abandoned them. In an extreme case, throw yourself. What for? To correspond to the reality of the past, friends and loved ones in their own situations. But neither far nor near past can not be altered. So what to do?

The more we have of their activities, interests, and friends, the easier it is to go through a divorce or loss

First, say to yourself: "I - this is not my range," to separate themselves from him. In adult life we ​​are adults, independent people, but in each of us hides a dependent child. Our children of the fear, but it does not mean that this part should grab my entire personality. I can not agree with it. Secondly, it is important to comfort your inner child.

Finally, it is necessary to work out a fantasy reality: what would happen if my partner is gone. Yes, it is a painful experience, but not deadly. Abandoned baby will not survive if it does not pick up the others. A grown man can cope with such a situation. And it should be ready.

The more we have of their activities, interests, and friends, the easier it is to go through a divorce or loss. And do not be afraid of that independence will lead to the breakdown of relationships. The most common part with those who strangles his control than with an interesting and independent person. Deep and really reliable relationships arise where everyone respects the originality and value of the other.

If you take a course to independence, and the dreams gradually change. Perhaps first you dream, after the separation, you arrange life, relying on someone else. But then the fear of abandonment will weaken. How much - it depends on the strength of a traumatic childhood experience, and on your perseverance in the work over itself.