What prevents us from being happy?

What prevents us from being happy?

Benefits to achieve happiness and stories about the beneficial meditations for body and soul every day are becoming increasingly popular. But the more we hear appeals to enjoy life and to find peace of mind, the more clearly emerges hidden behind them a message: we are restless, tense and pessimistic.

40% of respondents agree that it is best to remove the stress of alcohol. We do not agree with this method of 23%, but no one disputes that there is stress and it is necessary to get rid of it.

"I love my job, but the department reduced the three rates, the amount of work on each increased significantly, I get tired so that I fall asleep on the way home", - complains 42-year-old Vera, bookkeeper.

"I have a session is about to begin, I can not think about anything," - shrugs off questions 23-year-old Lena.

A friend whose son graduate, it is better not to ask these questions: I think last year they both spent on pins and needles.

Too many changes

Where does the chronic anxiety, and why we have nowhere to hide from him? "He has an existential nature, it is an integral part of our human self-awareness," - says family psychologist Inna Shifanova.

But anxiety, says sociologist Vincent de Golzhak, "requires the ability to pour her, express, including in the form of the work group on the great ideals that bring hope and promise a better future."

What prevents us from being happy?

The problem is that these ideals, we seem to be gone. In the State Duma elections less than half of the voters participated in the September 2016. The turnout in the whole of Russia amounted to 47, 8%, and in Moscow and St. Petersburg, less than a third of residents voted. This means that the citizens do not trust public institutions and politicians. But also in private life they do not seem to find support. "Many of my clients complain that they can not cope with life - continues Inna Shifanova - adults are lost, because of that the children do not receive guidance, which in turn makes them more vulnerable."

The psychologist explains that "stable instability": "Over the past 25 years the country has changed several times. Changed social values, social lifts, the education system, one disappeared and there were new specialty. In this case, no one knows what will happen next. Uncertainty adds tranquility! "

The biggest concern is their own future

According to a survey Psychologies, the greatest concern among our readers is their own future. In second place - work: she worries much more than, say, a personal relationship. The economic crisis and various rumors generate fear of losing their jobs.

"Many people live with the feeling that at any moment can begin to reduce and affect it's impossible, - says Inna Shifanova. - The feeling of helplessness becomes an additional stressor. Many drive the car is not terrible, because the driver feels in control. And on the plane to fly scared because the passenger does not know what's going on in the cockpit. "

A statistic that suggests safety of the airplane relative to the vehicle, does not help: the rational knowledge loses sense. Therefore, the argument regarding employment prospects nobody calm.

What prevents us from being happy?

In other countries, the situation is a little different. "People are afraid of different things, but the fear is present at all levels of society - says the analyst Claude Almos. - They are afraid of poverty, layoffs, inability to pay for their children's education. And no one dares to talk about it. Psychologists would cost to publicly explain that anxiety is normal, and those who are worried, are not sick. That they live badly not because they are vulnerable, but because their living conditions are impossible. "

Information overload

The economic and social problems added one more trouble today: giperinformirovannost. Endless news feeds, social networks, e-mail and other instant messengers provide us with a variety of information in a non-stop increasing our stress.

"News as a genre are arranged in such a way that they dominated the negative aspect - explains clinical psychologist and psihodramaterapevt Anton Vorobyev. - We get reports of terrorist attacks, see photos of victims, which cause strong emotions. Paradoxically, those who are further away from the center of events, often suffer more psychologically.

Those who are farther away from the center of events, often suffer more psychologically

The distance prevents them from reacting direct action: to help, to call an ambulance, bring up home in the event of transport difficulties. They have to be observers. It awakens their own traumatic experience, which is almost every one of us.

After the terrorist attacks of messages hostilities, natural disasters appointment comes considerably more customers with panic attacks, depression. They amplified anxiety, they have nightmares or insomnia occurs. They do not associate their condition with recent events, it seems it is the sudden and unreasonable. I see a pattern here. "

Information becomes a disaster, and it's not just bad news: it is unsystematic and too much of it. The bombardment of messages of all kinds plunges us into a state of frustration, because we are not able not only to control this flow, but even watch him. This confirms the 36-year-old Karina, lawyer IT-companies.

"I was constantly distracted different messages, all less time to safely do their job. Even information that at first sight looks positive and useful, can be a source of stress. So I try to read e-mail only at the time that I established myself, but it does not always work. "

What prevents us from being happy?

have to be happy?

In a society dominated by the view that we are responsible for their own happiness. But then, and his misfortune too.

This simplification of positive psychology abstracts and personal growth techniques turns the formula "Unhappy? Own fault! ", Which, of course, does not bring relief to anyone.

"My clients say articles written that you should be able to appreciate what we have. And to be happy here and now. But they feel they are unable to fulfill this requirement, - says Inna Shifanova. - Between the recommendations, fantasies and reality there is a noticeable difference. " We do not have complete power over their lives; only accepting this truth, we can reduce the internal stress.

"The number of calls that we have to answer is unlikely to decrease, - says Anton Vorobyev. - Today's customers are increasingly coming with the request: "Give a universal psychological techniques that will help me to cope with different challenges." They want to learn self-help maintain themselves. "

Although antidote to existential stress no one, at our disposal, there are some tools:

  • to do everything that depends on us,
  • to accept its imperfections and limitations of our resources,
  • to terms with mistakes and shortcomings,
  • does not consider himself the center of the world,
  • to associate with friends and associates,
  • to help others.

Using them, we can make their lives better. And, most likely, a little calmer.

"What you are now most worried about?"

Psychologies Magazine has conducted a survey in the group "VKontakte". It was attended by 1120 people. Here's how distributed about their voices.

29% My future

25% Jobs

16% 5 Relation to men or women

9% 5 Odinochestvo

8% Health

7% Other

5% Future of Children

The possible dismissal of

"I am the leading expert and always felt safe. But things have changed. Recently fired two competent employees and took their place head relatives. Their qualifications below, it seems absurd, because the work suffers. But this is the case. Anyone can lose a place. And find a new not so easy at my age ... "Igor, 58 years,

Reports of attacks

"When I learned about the terrorist attacks that took place or are willing to, I get scared, I fear for themselves and their families. I say to myself: "It's happened to others and can happen to us." The threat is unpredictable, how to protect yourself? I became less sleep because of this. " Antonina, 41 years

My future

"I want to achieve a lot, and I feel that from me waiting for something: parents, friends, my girlfriend. But I am not sure about the fact that all I can do it, and how will develop the circumstances. This is disturbing. " Andrew 25 years


"I'm afraid to be alone. Now I am not alone, but such periods have been in my life. And I have a single friend. They do not cope very well. To live with the feeling of loneliness is very difficult. " Svetlana, 47 years,

The tension in the society,

"I spend a lot of time on social networks and see that the debate quickly turned into an exchange of insults. In my opinion, and in the real world often quarrel, and transport passengers pushed instead ask to move. I am concerned about this tension, which easily turns into aggression. " Vera, 32 years