Teenage daughter is pregnant: how to help her?
Rare pregnant teenage girls is planned and desired. More than half of the pregnancy is terminated childbirth. In other cases, women do abortion, about one out of six cases of miscarriage. But all this does not matter exactly when your daughter tells you: "I think I'm pregnant." How to respond to these words of the parents that the girl said, and most importantly - what to do? expert recommendations on childhood sexuality Debra Haffner.
Take a deep breath and try to calm down. First of all, you need to listen to the daughter. You can, for example, say, "Tell me why you think you can be pregnant," or "Tell me what happened," or "Tell me what you're gonna do." Maybe your daughter just delay menstruation and she knows for sure that she was pregnant. You can check with a home test, the accuracy of which about 85%, but safer to take the test at the clinic.
In the case of an unplanned pregnancy, your daughter, there are three main options.
1. Save the pregnancy, give birth and raise a child, alone or with a partner.
2. Save the pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption
3. Make an abortion.
Note that the choice to do it for your daughter. How would you not want to solve everything for it, the final decision rests with her. Up to 15 years old need your consent for your daughter to have an abortion. But to save the pregnancy, as well as to reject the unborn child requires the consent of only young parents.
It is interesting that, unlike the girl's parents, the child's father in law has no right to forbid the girl to have an abortion, but he can not give his consent to give the child up for adoption.
Try to get to the discussion of the child's father, no matter how you are now angry at him
It does not mean that you should keep aloof. Daughter will need your help to decide the same time, what decision to take, and what will be its consequences. If possible, try to bring to the discussion of the child's father, no matter how you are now angry at him. Remind yourself that for what has happened is the responsibility of your daughter.
Ideally, the discussion should involve both parents of teenagers. Decisions should not be hasty, but still need to make a decision as quickly as possible. Abortion is the most secure in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. Medical abortion, by administering certain drugs, without surgery, can be made during the first 7 weeks.
If it is likely that she will decide to continue the pregnancy, she should as soon as possible to register for pregnancy and take care of yourself and the unborn child. Interview with a psychologist or a spiritual person can also be useful.
Make the choice
Here are some questions to think about and you and adolescents:
Which of these options - to give birth and raise a child, give birth and abandon him, abortion - suitable for me?
Which of these options is not possible for me?
As each of these decisions will affect my life? On the child's father lives? On the life of my parents?
What are my plans and hopes for the future? As a child may change these plans?
What people are saying about the possible solutions to my religion, my beliefs? It would be better for me in the long run?
Will I be able to ensure the child is now a family?
More than half of pregnant teenage girls decide to keep the baby. Of course, his birth has an impact on their future life. Studies show that women who gave birth to a child in their teens, have lower incomes, more likely to live in poverty and receive financial aid, and are less likely to marry than women who gave birth to a child after 20 years.
A teenage girl can safely bear children and be a good mother if she have the necessary support
The children of teenage mothers often perform poorly in school, and often themselves become parents during adolescence. Girls under 18 premature babies are born more often.
On the other hand, a teenage girl can safely bear children and be a good mother if she have the necessary support, if her pregnancy and childbirth by qualified doctors. It is important that she still received a secondary education.
Your daughter need to think about whether she would give the child to preschool, it will solve the financial problems, health issues, whether to attend classes for expectant mothers, where it can receive emotional support.
Questions about the future of
Before you decide to keep and raise the child - alone or together - teens can ask yourself the following questions:
Are we willing to postpone their studies in schools and universities - or whether we have a real opportunity to continue our education?
Will the members of our families support us and help us to care for the child? Whether someone can take care of a child, when I am at school or at work, or if I get sick?
Do we have enough money to provide a child with all necessary?
Am I willing to put the interests of my children above my own interests?
Are we willing to give up the meetings with friends, meetings, dances and other entertainment?
Do the pressure on us, so we left the child?
What role will play my partner in raising a child?
Should we talk about marriage? We got married, if I was not pregnant? Am I ready to become a single mother, if our relationship will not develop?
Unlike previous generations, most of today's teenagers do not marry, knowing that expecting a baby. And most of the marriages in adolescence due to pregnancy women, end in divorce. Most teens just are not ready for the responsibilities associated with family life.
Of course, you have to bring your family to the daughter of position on marriage and parenting. Try to help her determine if her love relationships strong enough to consider marriage.
The decision about abortion
The last option to be considered your daughter - abortion. It solved 75% of pregnant women from families with a higher income and less than half of girls from poor families. Mostly teenagers are worried that the baby will change their lives. They do not feel old enough and not confident that they can provide the child financially.
Here are some questions that you should consider for your daughter, before making a decision about abortion: Does anyone pressure me has pushing to ensure that I had an abortion?
I respect women who have abortions?
Will I be able to live, to have an abortion?
My partner and my parents think about abortion?
I'm sure I want to get rid of the pregnancy?
Whether abortion is consistent with my religious beliefs?
If your daughter has decided to have an abortion, it is safest to do in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. After an early abortion complications are rare: in fact birth can become a cause of death is 10 times more likely than abortion in early pregnancy.
If you know that your daughter is pregnant, when the first trimester is over, immediately seek medical attention. Abortion late in the second trimester is associated with greater risk. If your daughter decides to continue the pregnancy, she should as soon as possible to register for pregnancy.
About the expert
Debra Haffner - American expert in the field of infantile sexuality, the author of "From the cradle to the first appointments ..." (Rama Publishing, 2013) and "From the first meeting to adulthood" (Rama Publishing, 2016).