Conflict at work: how to get out of it with honor
Professional conflicts - a necessary evil. We have to defend his point of view, to tell others their mistakes, to seek his own in terms of lack of time or resources. Sometimes it is difficult and even painful, especially if not all parties to the conflict are willing to comply with the work ethic.
The working environment confrontation - part of the production process, and often local skirmishes take place quickly and completely correct: both parties understand their roles and are guided by the result. As a consequence, labor disputes already contain the seed of compromise that you just need to find it. But sometimes we have to face with those who are "playing dirty" using techniques in the work situation of domestic scandal: go to the person, veiled or direct insults and substitution of concepts. It does everything to make a constructive conversation in domestic quarrels. What are the causes of such conflicts?
What defends the aggressor
"Voluntarily enters into conflict communication people tend to have experienced a sense of humiliation," - says psychologist Anatol Dobin. Such feeling, unfortunately, experienced almost everyone, but for some people experience humiliation is devastating. For example, if it is received as a child from significant for the people of the child.
"These people - continues to Anatoly Dobin - characterized by suspicion and a desire to constantly monitor their surroundings. Their goal - to prevent the repetition of the humiliation of his personality. " Unfortunately, that manifests as resentment and a tendency to see an attack where it is not. When such a person comes to the job offer, he can take them for trying to belittle him as a person and a professional. There is a conflict, but not the interests and ideas about the situation. While one of the participants said the industrial conflict that we are talking about the working points that need to be discussed and move on, others believe that his honor and dignity at risk, and therefore it is necessary to immediately defend them. Humiliating the dignity of others.
The aim of the aggressor - to hurt, to find a chord interlocutor
In the course are gender stereotyping ( "women do not uptake"), insults on grounds of age ( "young, I also point out"), hints at incompetence ( "ponabrali ad") or someone's patronage ( "Daddy rubbed" ). This can be directly and crudely or covertly, but no less offensive. For the aggressor no taboo subjects, and sooner or later he gets his: hitting a chord, finally drags his interlocutor of the work situation in the domestic conflict.
It is worth at least once to answer an insult to insult, or even just to show that words have touched, and the aggressor can celebrate: a working theme is forgotten, the result is not achieved, but the frayed nerves and humiliated human dignity.
There is only one way out of this situation with honor: do not enter into it. However, we are not talking about avoiding confrontation. The way to solve the conflict of professional - in a consistent effort to keep the situation in the working negotiations. Let others try to offend you or hurt, you have to get results, and all that matters. First of all it requires to keep yourself in their hands.
How to avoid conflict of
"If you lose control of themselves - you have lost everything - says psychologist Robert Beykel the University of Toronto. - manipulative behavior aimed at to make you an emotional response, force you to behave aggressively, or, on the contrary, to defend himself. If we lose our temper, we are doing exactly what they want from us manipulators. And we lose, since entering the game, which it is impossible to win. Self-control is required, and this is precisely the control of behavior. You can get angry or upset, if that is your choice, but the behavior of their need to keep track. " Dr. Beykel offers a few simple rules to follow that polite, educated, socialized man can emerge victorious from the labor conflict with aggressive manipulator.
Do not rush to answer. Before you enter into a conflict at work, think about how you can deal with the situation, experiencing and causing a minimum of unpleasant emotions. Only then act.
Yes, this means that you must take care not only about their feelings, but the feelings of your interlocutor. Remember that he is a man, even if it behaves inappropriately. That he, too, can be painful. Furthermore, it hurts right now, and if not the matter is that you, in your power not to aggravate their suffering.
Pay attention to the speed and volume of the speech. An excited person tends to talk faster and louder, forcing the interlocutor also raise your voice. The faster it is, the smaller the mind and the higher the likelihood that he would say something irreparable. Do not hurry. Weigh your words.
If it is possible - take a timeout. This does not mean that you need to avoid conflict, rather - to put it. If you see that your opponent is in full swing from negative emotions, ask them to transfer the conversation. "I'm not ready to talk to you about it now. Let's set up a meeting for tomorrow. " So you get time to prepare, and your opponent - time to cool down. Moreover, since the conflict is taking place in the community and in the eyes of colleagues, perhaps some of them will use its influence to appease the aggressor.
Do not take chances. Sometimes it seems to us that one well-aimed blow - for example, a good joke or a particularly murderous argument - you can put an end to the confrontation. But what works so well in sitcoms, rarely works in life. Be nice and do not try to finish everything in one fell swoop. Focus on the result of. We get what we focus on anything. If someone is acting aggressively and provokes you to the conflict, you can concentrate on insults, and then they will only get better. And you can translate the conversation in a constructive direction, leaving provocation and insults behind the scenes. And that brings us to the main recommendations.
The words, which will help in the confrontation
- "Yes." Even the arguments against the need to start with the word "yes" - the person can calm down when agree with him.
- "We". Not "we against you" and "we are with you." Try to include yourself and the other party to the conflict in a social group: people are easier to side with the representatives of "the tribe."
- "I understand that you are upset" - in response to all attempts to offend you. So you are at the same time reject the insult and grant him forgiveness.
- "This is a really hard time," and other phrases that show: you realize that your opponent a life is bad enough, but the situation requires additional efforts.
- "I have heard / and" - almost a forbidden. Used only in the event that a negative argument went in a circle, and the circle is the third.
- "Let's take the two time-out and meet in an hour (three, tomorrow at ten)" - if you know that the other person under the onslaught of emotions out of touch with reality.
lacks the "bait". "Bait" - words that have no other purpose than to make you lose self-control, self-control, and over the course of the conversation. Coming from you, you give the reins of power in the hands of a person who is not inclined to guard your interests. All curses, all the insults, all the sexist, racist remarks are "bait" designed to distract us from the essence of the working of the conflict. The answer to them is simple: "I understand that you're frustrated, but the work has to be done." Do not give in. Do not respond blow for blow. Something Wicked, you do notice the blow. All you need - is to stick to their line.
Yes. This is hard. The man who is now trying to hurt you, can be cruel. But only you can decide if it attempts to be crowned with success. Only you can decide whether you will really hurt. By the way, the pain subsides once you achieve your example, promises to get the job done to the environment, to provide technical support, or give funding. The result - an amazing doctor for a wounded soul, and only he, by and large matters. Of course, if we are talking about work, not about love.