Children on the Internet: Is anxiety justified parents?
"Recently, 14-year-old son with sincere sympathy said:" Mom, I can not imagine how you survived without mobile! - says the 39-year-old Xenia. - And I myself had forgotten that there was a time without social networks and chat rooms. " Those who are now 45, still remember how congratulated each other cards, write letters to dear people, we were in the pockets of a handful of dvuhkopeechnyh coins at any time to call from a pay phone girl (or guy) to the home disk phone, which certainly it was long wire - to be able to retire to the farthest room.
Then came e-mail, and good manners have become a business card with e-mail. Heavy cell phone with a retractable antenna, and cover the microphone were all the rage and technological progress 90, then any pagers - predecessors esemesok service. "ICQ", "VKontakte", "Classmates", Facebook, Viber, WhatsApp ... In the 25 years has had time to be born and grow up a generation that did not caught the pre-digital era.
"Now, if you do not have a multifunctional smartphone operating system, you look at least strange. And if you have a touch-tone telephone, you are at all the dinosaur - jokes existential-humanistic psychotherapist Stanislav Malanin. - Today chatyatsya: at work, with friends, with children. Teachers, doctors, psychologists, create a group in the messenger. Message flies in a fraction of a second, and instantly the answer arrives, wherever chat participants may be. " It has become part of our everyday life. At some point we realize that begin to choke the news, and look to brain explode. And you want to protect the child from this.
Myths virtual space
Modern children different perceptions and ways of processing information - they klipovoy thinking, many are not able to read longridy. They scan the entire volume of information and snatch what they need. They are like lightning in the necessary information online, as long as we turn over encyclopedia contents from the bookshelf. They are versed in modern technologies better than us. They live in a virtual and virtual ... "And here we are wise and experienced, down from the mountains and say," It is not good. " And what exactly is wrong? - asks Stanislav Malanin. - After all, many of our killer arguments long ago lost the power. "
It is important to help the child in time to hear the request of his tired eyes, back. Help, but do not prohibit
The most common myth - that the computer screen or a smartphone spoils eyes. "Modern touch screens have a powerful solution, adaptive lighting, which varies depending on the ambient light in the room. Something parents spoke like us - remember this is a favorite "Do not read in the dark - spoil the vision?" Eyes tired: this is the truth. But the reaction to fatigue in adult and child is different, "- says Stanislav Malanin. Adult aware of certain requirements of the organism. If we are tired eyes, we can get out from behind the desk, move away from your computer, pause, close your eyes and give them a rest. What are the kids doing? They rubbed their hands, blinked and play on. Only with adolescence, they begin to feel what she wants and asks them to the body. And here it is important to help the child in time to hear the request of his tired eyes, back. Help, but do not prohibit. Other myths - that there, in the spaces of the Internet, will certainly hurt the baby, spoil, zavlekut in secret groups or start a network dependent. But how to distinguish the line between normal hobby computer and addicted? On what grounds it clear that the child is stuck on the Net?
The harmful computer games
Signs of computer addiction, like any other, appear only when a person is deprived of the object of addiction. "In younger children," weaning "the computer can cause tears. Those who are older, - a fit, an attack of aggression, including physical, in relation to the offender. There are physiological manifestations - headache, nausea, weakness, depression, mood swings. " If the child can turn off the computer or gadget, and afford to be without it, the early to panic, said Stanislav Malanin. But dependent people are not able to live without depending on the object. Here, without the aid is not enough - it's time for a therapist.
It is believed that computer games generate violence. So whether it is discussing the journalists and other interested parties after each incident with the murder of school peers. "I would argue with that, - said Stanislav Malanin. - Already in 2002, one of the US government agencies were investigated. And that turned out to be: only 12% of children killer addicted to computer games. 24% read books with scenes of violence and 27% watched films on similar subjects. Logically, the society was to respond to the books and movies. But they drew attention to the segment that is unfamiliar to them and therefore scares - on computer games. " There is no direct relationship between games and violence, convinced psychotherapist.
"A child needs a personal space - real and virtual"
It seems to us that the children pointless to spend time sitting at a computer wearing headphones. In fact they are communicating. First, in reality, and then continue to do so on the web. This is the new communication format. For them it is a continuous process. And the blame for it at least strange.
The child's life is the time when he reaches for the parents, but closer to adolescence he begins to separate from them. In this stormy period, should take care to preserve his confidence in close adult. "When a child shares something secret, not even the most - from your point of view - good and right, it is necessary by all means to suppress the urge to condemn" - warns Stanislav Malanin. For example, the daughter comes home upset. Hardly you find out that her "half-naked photos" personal communication posted to share. Typically, the first reaction is: "How could you have them send someone?" The child is ill, he had been betrayed, made a laughing stock of the Network. It is not necessary to finish the lying. Let him know that he was not alone, that it is taken with all its mistakes and failures, and not only when it is "correct and successful." Showcase your part: "I see you're hurting, let's think about how to fix it."
Often the care of the child safety hiding our desire for total control over it
"Do not ask questions-traps, which are driven to despair even more - Stanislaw advises Malanin - a series of" What are you going to do now? ". If she had known, I would have done. But you can really help: write to the site administrator, so he removed the inappropriate content. You can check out the website Antiplagiat, which managed to disperse information, and to write to (the recently adopted law on the so-called "right to oblivion", which can and should be used). Then, when the son or daughter to calm down, it is necessary to talk about what happened. Explain that under any pretext not need to send their photos, personal information about yourself or your loved ones all in a row, and the more unfamiliar. And if the child himself has published something inappropriate from your point of view? Many parents love publicly bring up children on their own pages. "Be ready, that one day you just sent to ban. Before leaving the pungent comment, look at the reaction of the child's peers. Perhaps you do not understand a great joke - the therapist says. - We are often ashamed and afraid where there is little or not at all mean nothing. In parenting all our experience is projected on the lives of children. We know better how to live, what to eat, what to do, how to play in the computer and which games, what to write on social networks. In fact, often care for the safety of the child hides our commitment to one hundred percent, total control over it. A child needs a personal space - real and virtual. " And this right must be respected if we do not really want to lose their children.