How to stop falling in love is not the men?

Mutual love makes us happy and motivates to development. But if the feelings are not separated, but we still cling to them, it leads to self-destruction. How to stop closer to those who bring only pain and disappointment?

How to stop falling in love is not the men?

"Our relationship lasted two months, and I was sure that I met your soul mate - says Marina. - And then he began to move away, and admitted that he is not ready for a serious relationship. We agreed that I would stay friends. I was tormented by this "friendship", not the strength to break our relationship. "

"She did not knowingly mentions" soul mate "as a way of his own soul, which Jung called the Animus, - says a cognitive therapist Marina Myaus. - If we meet a person who merged with the image painted by our subconscious, we are irresistibly attracted to it. But that there was a full-fledged relationship, it is necessary to separate the imagined image and take a real person. Agreeing to love someone who does not value us, we did remain in the flow of their own fantasies. "

Over time, the growing importance of not a specific person, but only the scale of his imaginary figure. We think that interact with those we love, but actually have a dialogue with yourself - the part of the self, which in ordinary life do not find the strength to meet.

"This may be the result of early experience with the relationship with their parents, or with old injuries that are kept in captivity, - explains Marina Myaus. - Unhappy love - a mirror through which we look at ourselves. But this mirror curve is distorted. And with a dialogue will be devastating if we do not find the strength to remove an imaginary figure, in whom love. Instead of trying again and again to repeat the previous traumatic experience love, we need to meet with their feelings alone. "

How to stop falling in love unrequited

If unrequited feeling lasts long, it is difficult to admit that we are a pointless waste of time of his life. Include mental defense mechanisms that convince us: beloved something prevents to make a step forward. Often it makes us unwelcome "rescue": we aim to help overcome the circumstances that prevent a potential partner to be with us. Gradually, we lose a critical attitude towards themselves and others, seeing only the words and deeds that feed our illusions.

How to break the vicious circle?

  • to break contact. If a partner does not make steps forward, imaginary love draws power only due to our own thoughts and fantasies. Terminate all contacts, both real and virtual. Remove the person from friends in social networks, to avoid the temptation to watch his life.
  • Focus on yourself. It is important to redirect the flow of energy, which we spent in fruitless fantasies reach the man over. Engage in work, school, or creativity - something that contributes to the growth of your personality and the attainment of greater self-esteem. Once we cease to feed an imaginary figure and begin instead to "grow" their own, the importance of an imaginary connection is gradually reduced.
How to stop falling in love is not the men?

As perkratit fall in love in a row of

The feeling of love can turn into a drug. We strive to experience it again, often at the same time drawing closer to those who manipulate our need.

How to break the vicious circle?

  • Think about self-esteem. Trying at all costs to be with someone who does not care, we lose self-esteem. It is difficult to recognize, so the mind throws up many excuses such communication. Self-esteem will allow to rely primarily on themselves, rather than looking for support in the other person.
  • Restore Resources. are exhausted ourselves emotionally, we lose interest in other aspects of life. A partner who loves and accepts, gives strength and courage to move forward. Anyone who devalues ​​our senses and takes away our strength.
  • Get rid of the role of the victim. We find ourselves in the psychological subjection to a man who does not value us. Think about what you might benefit from a passive role? Probably because you are trying to absolve themselves of responsibility for their own lives?

How not to fall in love with non-free

The prototype of all loves Sigmund Freud attraction to the parent of the opposite sex. The complete family of this figure are always not free.

"Children experience rivalry with the parent of your gender can add passion in a love triangle in adulthood - explains the Jungian analyst Leo Khegai. - Defeat rival no less important than to achieve the object of love. From this perspective, the choice unfree partners provokes stronger feelings. "

How to break the vicious circle?

"We need to honestly answer the question: Are you ready for true rapprochement? - Marina offers Myaus. - What makes you hold on to a relationship in which it is impossible to complete the presence of a loved one? Perhaps in the parental home you have seen not only the love and care, but also a lot of mutual claims, irritation. In this case, the connection with the non-free partner allows you to leave the door open. "

How to stop falling in love is not the men?

How to stop falling in love with inaccessible

Love is in the well-known singer, actor or athlete - a common phenomenon among teenagers. This child living life events in the game format. But if a person carries an attachment to the inaccessible and the famous adult life - it becomes a problem. "Love in the idol into adulthood - an indicator that a child we did not get enough of maternal love, and inaccessible, but a favorite image of the mother is replaced by fashion stars," - says Lev Khegai.

How to break the vicious circle?

  • teenager Parents should be patient. The worst thing you can do - to censure or ridicule his feelings. "Such enthusiasm may be due to the natural separation process, in which a teenager tries to detach from the mother's influence. The image of the star turns out to be unconscious counterweight depending on the parent - explains Lev Khegai. - If the attachment to the idol is not critical and does not threaten the security of a teenager, just let him go through this period. Be patient and open to conversation. Make it clear that you love the child, regardless of his hobbies. "
  • In adults in love with the star is often also a consequence of failures in his personal life, which is why there is a regression in the adolescent stage. Think about previous relationships. Perhaps in you still live the pain and disappointment. Love for the inaccessible man - notorious security zone. But at the same time you are robbing yourself without blowing into your life full emotions and limiting the possibilities of inner growth that we are given only a close relationship in the real world.