5 ways to deal with failure and become stronger

Why, when we reject it, we hurt? Denial creates a gap in our self-esteem we feel unnecessary, superfluous. But with this condition, you can work. Psychologist Ellen Hendriksen offers five ideas that allow you to look at the failure of the other side.

5 ways to deal with failure and become stronger

The mere failure means that now our expectations are not met. Each person can count a number of situations in which a fault: someone is not given a visa, someone did not get your favorite job, but someone heard "no" from a loved one. But to respond to this fact can be different. Some people throw up their hands and lower their bar. Others try again with renewed vigor. What can we learn from the other?

1. The number of passes in quality

As polls show Gellappa Fund, on average, each smoker takes more than three attempts to quit. Every attempt, even unsuccessful - this is a new experience. Every time we learn a little more themselves, their capabilities and limitations. So it is with failures: whatever your goal is to achieve lasting results, you have to go through a period of failure.

When one door closes, another opens

In order to get a new job, we repeatedly have to hear the phrase: "You We do not quite fit." To find a partner - an offer to remain friends, a short "no" or even puzzled look. Do not focus on feelings, think that every failure brings you closer to the cherished goal. Inventor Alexander Graham Bell once said, very precise words: "When one door closes, another opens. And we are often so eager attention looking at the closed door that we do not notice at all those who are open to us. "

2. Refusals (and failures) make us appealing in the eyes of the

Oddly enough, the history of failures could play into our hands. This is the conclusion in 1966 came to a psychologist Elliot Aronson. He watched the behavior of the spectators, who evaluated the two parties of intellectual competition. First he held confidently and answered most of the questions correctly, the other confused and generally produced unconvincing impression.

5 ways to deal with failure and become stronger

At some point, one of the players spilled over coffee. If this is done the loser, the audience did not sympathize with him. But if you slip allowed competent player, he empathized even more: now it seemed more "terrestrial" and human.

Your failures - what makes you alive. Constant advances cause distrust, but dips create a sense of drama and cause sympathy. Treat them with humor, make of them a fascinating history - since you make them work for you.

3. Refusal - the prerogative of free people

Inability to say "no" - a sign of insecurity. Low self-esteem makes us feel valued and forced to turn to other people in order to "earn" the right to exist. On the contrary, the failure - it is a free choice of a man who knows his own worth. Ability to accept failure - the flip side of the ability to refuse.

4. Look for a constructive sense of

Sometimes we reject the right and rough. But sometimes failure can contain nuggets of practical wisdom. The main thing - to see them. Remember that failure is always more honest than the consent given under duress or out of a desire to maintain good relations.

5. The hardest thing - not a failure, and the expectation of

Most often, it is the uncertainty causes anxiety and a feeling of powerlessness. We believe the hours and minutes waiting for a letter, phone call or doorbell. Anxiety grows, causing us to imagine the worst scenario. In this situation, any answer becomes a relief: at least, painful silence interrupted, and you can move on.

Remember: failure - this is part of real life. It only means that the door is closed. Instead of beating on her head and sobbing at her threshold, you can go in search of the other - open.

5 ways to deal with failure and become stronger

About the Author

Ellen Hendriksen - Clinical Psychologist, Center for Anxiety Disorders at Boston University specialist (USA), blogger.