5 steps to your own "I"
The adoption of his past work with emotions, finding what we really interesting and important - the way to her is not simple. But the desire to turn back we should retain the idea that the only way to master this, you can touch the real itself.
1. Live with the last
Our personality is already contains the choices once made parents and all those with whom we identify. We can not get to the end of ourselves, if shy or afraid legacy of past generations. But to get rid of this burden, it takes time.
Only the age of thirty start trying, without comparing their own achievements with the achievements of their parents at the same age live their lives. Others just to get rid of the shame of forty for alcoholic mother or father who abandoned the family. "Being present" is not easy also because, as a sociologist Vincent de Golzhak says, "personality is striving to become the protagonist of the story, which it formed."
The main thing - not to establish the truth and come to the calm perception of what we know
"Historians know that truth does not exist, - he explains. - history, especially our own - is a narrative that is a subjective construct, including our subjective opinion. The main thing - not to establish the truth and come to the calm perception of what we know. " Our task - to consider the facts of the life of our ancestors and their deeds, using the methods of history, sociology and psychology.
This work provides a better understanding of their motives and remove the aura of drama with some of their decisions. We can find out why the family has a secret or mental illness, and alleviate feelings of guilt, which sometimes gives us our family history.
2. To strive for self-realization
Reconciliation with the past - only the first step. Even sober and calm perceiving yourself and your past, you can feel that you live on the margins of his own life. As recognized by the 38-year-old Catherine, she has not yet found the cause that would allow it to open up fully.
"Self - is that inherent in every human being from birth - explains the Jungian therapist Tatiana Rebeko - is something unique and unrepeatable that is in each of us. To find himself, to find the meaning of life, to realize - the goal of any existential quest. Crises, the problems we face, indicate in which direction you need to move where our weaknesses. It is important to treat their problems as assistants and to believe in their life purpose. The path of self-realization begins with trust to himself, to the sensations, feelings and dreams. "
If we are content with that bleak carry other people's guidance, we risk falling into a depression
When we feel that our work gives us the opportunity to realize the deep aspirations that are losing the enthusiasm, the desire to create, and then by a taste for life. If we are content with that bleak carry other people's instructions, the risk of falling into depression.
To approach an understanding of themselves, should reflect on the four sides of the professional life: talent (that good at it), enthusiasm (what like to do), necessary (commitments that I have to take into account) and sense (whether the work is consistent with my beliefs).
By analyzing these factors in relation to themselves, we can find one or more regions in which they are connected. If we succeed, we will get great satisfaction from matching the desired and actual, of our inner world and our practice.
3. Work with emotions
Another way into the depths of our "I" - the emotions. Pay particular attention to the need to treat them if at first glance they appear to be inadequate: it feels right, but we suddenly becomes sad or we feel inexplicable anxiety ...
"I perfectly know them and know how to behave very smoothly, without showing the slightest sign of sadness or anger, - says 29-year-old Paul. - The trouble is that I do not listen to him and learn about his feelings only at the moment of the explosion. "
Often emotions express needs that we ignore: to be understood, to gain recognition, respect
When emotions overwhelm us, it is worth considering: what they want to tell us? Not properly respond to something offending passages us immediately and wait for the moment when we will be able to clothe feelings into words.
"His emotions must be trusted - says family therapist Boris Shapiro. - They are much more precise than the thoughts, can explain to us, how we relate to what is happening. When we are happy or sad, surprised or get angry, our feelings are bound to have a reason. "
Often emotions express needs that we ignore: to be understood, to gain recognition and respect. "By the emotions should be taken seriously - continues Boris Shapiro - think about them both on a message that should be decrypted."
4. Learn how to express their truth
We are taught from childhood to speak the truth, but we often forget that everyone is their own and that is not so easy to express it. 33-year-old Daria says that asserted itself as a young man, saying everything that came into his head: "Often, my words were offensive and indecent. So let it be, I thought, but I whole person, not change itself. " "Being truthful does not mean to say everything, - says Svetlana existential psychotherapist Krivtsov. - You can talk about the experience, which you can see in the other, or the impression that it makes on you. This will also be true, but would not cause pain to another. "
Sometimes, to tell the truth - then undergo a kind of initiation, when we say not what awaited us, and what we feel, knowing how expensive will have to pay for it. Chief said he did not agree with him - and be prepared not to go on vacation in the summer. Knowing this, that you have children and they have their own truth: they want to spend the holidays with her parents.
It is necessary to look for words that reflect the thoughts or status, while respecting the person to whom these words are addressed
The veracity requires some effort - both in the choice of the form as well as in regard to the meaning of our statements. We must look for words that reflect our thoughts or status, while respecting the person to whom these words are addressed. In form, we should try to talk first and foremost about themselves, not about the interlocutor, to use more "I" than "you", because our own feelings - is the only truth available to us.
And in fact, we must recognize their statement their own vulnerability, what society considers a weakness. Truthfulness in regard to these defects (but without self-pity and narcissism), gives the beauty of our personality if we do not hide them, and try to fix it.
5. Decide on close relationships
Intimacy - this is a field where you can find yourself, because it requires the ability to let our territory of another person, not pretending and not treating it as an invader. On the contrary, we must dare to enter the territory of another, to accept and love him for what he is. "Living together helps me be myself - is confident the 34-year-old Victoria. - But perhaps there is an inverse relationship: it is thanks to what I learned to accept myself, I was able to decide to live together with my friend. "
Sincerity and requires trust (and one's neighbor, and to himself), and at the same time strengthens its
"It is important to understand the feelings, the state and the needs arise for us during communication. Often becomes a major desire to please, and then we look narrowly to his companion, "calculate" it - says family therapist Anna Varga. - And it turns out the way to him, and not the way to him. "
Relations to be really close, you have to tell your friends and family about their true thoughts, feelings and desires. Sincerity and requires trust (and one's neighbor, and to himself), and at the same time strengthens it.
"But to hear and understand each other is always difficult - continues Anna Varga, - this should make efforts. It is impossible to understand who you are, without feedback, and to get it, you have to be disclosed to others. In order to communicate really led to an understanding of ourselves and others, we must overcome the fear of condemnation and agree that misunderstanding, frustration and dissatisfaction - is also a proximity ".
Without honest communication will not be present.