I criticize all

I criticize all

Some of us especially sensitive to the imperfections of the world: they are so well known as it should be really. This knowledge - as a set of rules for every occasion - they have received from their parents and are continually expanding themselves. When such people see that someone does not behave, says not that (in their opinion) should cover their anxiety and an overwhelming desire to speak out strongly on this matter.

"In these moments, the world seems to them especially volatile and unstable, - says psychologist Barbara Sidorova. - These people are acutely feel helpless and trying to cope with the internal discomfort, begin to resent and blame everything and everyone. " Firing at each target, they thereby doom themselves to isolation. But why do they behave?

The fear of criticism

Their categorical judgments against others such a sentence, which is not subject to revision.

In choosing the position of the Chief Justice, a stern critic seeks to ensure that the integrity of its own feel and beat unconscious fear to be the target of someone's criticism.

"We live and operate in a system of mutual mirrors, and very often our negative comments in an address of another person, is nothing but a reflection - in the figurative sense - of ourselves - explains Barbara Sidorova. - When we can not accept some trait of his character, feeling, intention, imagination, or his style of behavior, we attribute these qualities of other people. And criticizing them for it, often quite unfair. This unconscious process called projection refers to the psychological defense mechanism: the criticism of another avoids meetings with itself, when psychologically people are not ready to admit to himself unacceptable. He is afraid to once again feel rejected and unloved. "

The pursuit of excellence

Always ready to criticize other perfectionists. More precisely, those who are not always satisfied with themselves and others.

"Perfectionism is of two types - explains the cognitive therapist Jean Cauterets. - Positive is expressed in the desire to help the other person to become better, to support him; negative is manifested in the constant criticism of everything. " In the latter case, the victims of obsessive quest for perfection are as the surrounding (that inspires a sense of guilt), so he did.

"I do not recognize the man,"

Maria, 34 years, teacher

"On the new friends I've always looked very critical: he is not smart enough, this nesportiven one excessively talkative or too dependent, and the other is not enough attentive to me or too shy ... And of course, none of them came up to me. In the end I had to admit that the problem is not in others, and in myself.

In the process of psychotherapy, I gradually realized that am still in thrall to strict parental ratings, always ready to criticize me. I was afraid to hear their opinion about my choices, because I knew that if he does not like them, I once again feel like a jerk. "

Low self-esteem

When parents put a kid in front of the bar too high, endlessly expressing his claims, it deprives him of self-confidence and strengthens a feeling of inferiority.

Growing up, children can transform this lack of love for his lack of love for others. This is their key to the development of the world. Now they impose to others (parents included) claims - are the same as those suffered by a child.

The crisis of middle age

Sometimes excessive criticality with respect to the other appears with age. We are talking about the crisis of the mid-life, the time to rethink themselves and to find new targets.

"Like any age crisis, it helps men and women to get in touch with them, to find psychological integrity - explains Barbara Sidorova. - But, assessing their achievements, people often primarily experiencing disappointment in himself, his self-esteem drops. At this point, he begins to notice the flaws in the other, as if to say to yourself, "I'm not the only one."

I criticize all

What to do?

Deal with past grievances

It often happens that those who are inclined to judge others before themselves suffered from criticism. Think back to when, how and why you became a target for such comments. Having dealt with the past grievances, you will understand what the cause of your current claim to themselves and others.

Learn to open another

Rather than lock himself in opposition to others, should learn to better understand them, sympathize with them. Do not rush to make their verdict - let the other person speak, learn to listen and observe. Such attention requires effort, but gradually you learn tolerance necessary for a prosperous life in society.

Recognize your mistakes

Always ready to criticize says the desire for power and the desire to always and everywhere to be right. But such people, which always has the last word does not exist. Passionate and categorical evidence of the immaturity of the individual. If you recognize that something can be incompetent, your judgment will become more balanced and objective.

Advice to those who close

"The judge" did not spare anyone, even their loved ones. The one on whom such criticism is constantly falls, risk of losing self-esteem, receiving in return the ugly duckling syndrome: if I hear that I'm a bad, really getting bad. "Judge" is convinced of the validity of their accusations, but do not swallow them in silence.

Better to demonstrate to him that his accusations are unfounded times - for example, ask to cite specific evidence. To remain calm and composure in a hail of accusations, we should not forget that, while criticizing others, in fact, "the judge" aims at himself.