5 internal light sources
Once a man speak - everything fall silent, spellbound. One of its advent it attracts the eyes of many people. We all met the lucky ones who attract attention, command respect, admiration and even universal love of one of his demeanor. They have something special. Any highlight. Something which can not be defined even the happy owner of extraordinary charm.
"Often, we can not determine what it is that makes us attractive, - the Gestalt therapist Maria Andreeva. - When, for example, one of the partners in a few years after the first meeting asks another: "What do you need me find it?" - in response, he can hear the excitement caused precisely those traits, features of appearance or style of behavior, which he tried to hide ".
On the contrary, it often turns out that the qualities that we strongly emphasize, considering their own advantages, do not cause sympathy of others, but rather to annoy them. There why doubt the effectiveness of training under the motto "Be the most charming and attractive".
Our experts call the five internal light sources, our charm.
1. Do not depend on the views of others: "It does not matter, I like me or not,"
"We have been fascinated by other people when you do not try to please them - so here's the paradox - says Maria Andreeva. - and attracts the attention when you do not think about how to impress. If we do not play to the audience, and behave naturally around see us as a living person who does what he thinks fit, hear others, no pressure on them, do not deprive them of their freedom of choice - to join or not to support it or not, be fascinated or not. " When we do not expect anything specific from another person (not strive, for example, to ensure that it always paid attention to us), we communicate with him freely, with interest and respect. We are becoming a good listener, natural, safe ... And such a man is always nice to others.
2. Believe in your strength, "I can rely on myself"
Is it possible to please others, if not like yourself? Will it convince others in their own well-being, if you do not live in harmony with it? How to inspire others, if not confident in their abilities? No charm - it is not a privilege of narcissistic personalities, but it is self-love gives us the opportunity to make their weakness and dignity, and self-confidence helps to cope with life's adversities.
"Ideally, these feelings come to us from parents, - says Maria Andreeva. - When an adult has a reserve of their love, his confidence is difficult to destroy. If it does not, we love yourself it is easier to communicate with others. "
But why is the one who trusts himself so charming? When we are good to treat yourself, this feeling of self-love, we draw energy to solving problems that others may seem prohibitive. Our peace of mind is transmitted to others, and such quiet strength, of course, attractive.
3. Stay whole, "I say and do what I think"
Our advantages people perceive not individually, but as something whole, consistent. When our emotions, thoughts, actions, and actions agreed upon when we are not just defending our views and values in words, but to embody them in their way of life, we feel consistency with each other and know that we are living right. This inner harmony is felt in our every gesture and every word that we do not dissemble any particle of our being, our "yes" to the full, our doubts are expressed clearly, our arguments convincing. Agreement with not only enriches our lives, but the positive impact on others. "When all the bubbles within us, but apparently we are trying to appear calm, charm does not appear, - says Maria Andreeva. - This contradiction, between internal and external conflict is vague discomfort and confusion among the others. "
4. Be true to yourself: "I have a right to be"
Shy or, for example, a very awkward person can be the most charming in our environment - precisely because he does not hide the identity of their nature, do not embarrass yourself. "Charming people impress and fascinate us because they are not afraid to be themselves, - said Dolgopolov Niphon. - In different circumstances, they do not hide their weaknesses and defects of character or figure. This integral persons who know how to live here and now. "
But to be a truly difficult. Many of us interfere primarily unconscious idea that behave correctly - it means to be cautious and careful. And the secret of charm, on the contrary, is hidden in our spontaneity, sincerity, and even some of insecurity.
"That is why we are so important to understand its depth, the true" I ", its contradictions and conflicts - continues to Maria Andreeva. - Of course, always be in harmony with all the facets of his personality is unlikely to succeed, but you can learn to fearlessly and freely express himself, taking his own originality. And do not hide from themselves and others their weaknesses, their vulnerability and flaws. "
Such a person becomes an example to others of courage and sincerity, it is surprising and encouraging: in fact everyone can be as charming, if you dare to recognize the right to be like that.
5. Stay open: "I listen to others and to speak so that I understand the"
We can assess the degree of its charm, answering a few questions. A pleasure to others to communicate with us? Available at the same time whether they behave? Do disclosed in communication? If yes, then we are open enough to others, that is, we do not evaluate their interlocutors, able to listen, to be attentive to it, despite the difference of opinion.
This contact occurs only when people are willing to engage in dialogue with each other. "Feeling is our confidence, the source calms down, and he has the desire to be as open to us: he risks nothing - says Maria Andreeva. - That is why it is so important to master the art of communication: to speak clearly and concisely, using metaphors that help the listener to see, hear and feel the situation. "
When we understand someone at a glance, we feel smarter ... and resist the charm of this man.