How to overcome irritability and learn endurance
Each time the computer hangs, we feel like we have compressed the jaw. We grumble and sigh, standing in line at the coffee shop. We begin swearing and banging on the steering wheel. We are ashamed that we so easily lose our temper over small things.
Patience - the ability to remain calm in the face of trouble, frustration and suffering - should be developed. Studies show that patient people are healthier and less prone to depression and negative emotions. They are also on average less selfish and better able to empathize with others.
In a study in 2012, scientists have identified three types of patience:
- The ability to tolerate contact with unpleasant people.
- The ability to endure the hardships of life, and is always in a bad anything good.
- The ability to endure the daily small trouble, not fretting over nothing.
Fortunately, the experts found that the extract can be developed. What should be done to less worry over nothing.
Do you threatening tiger?
The dangers of the situation body responsible response "fight or flight". "Irritation - one of the answer choices of" hit "- explains MJ Ryan, author of the book." The power of patience. " - That's why we are bogged down and start screaming at the shop assistant or go mad in a long queue. " This reaction in ancient times had saved their ancestors from ferocious predators, but in most cases it is not relevant for the modern living environment.
The amygdala is not able to distinguish between a real danger of an unpleasant situation
However, we often react to minor difficulties as if we are threatened with catastrophic consequences. "Guilty" in the amygdala - a brain region responsible for recognizing threats and regulation of emotions. "Amygdala" innocently ", it can not distinguish between a real threat (for example, the threat of a tiger attack) from an unpleasant situation, which is not life threatening (eg, interaction with the busybody)," - says the author. If we want to better self-control, our task - to learn to see the difference.
Think about it, does it make sense to worry
"Most likely, some of your words to yourself, or an image, or a feeling in the body include the feeling that you are at risk," - says Ryan. As soon as you mentally formulate the problem - for example, "I can not stand so much in this line!" - will be able to interrupt the stress response "fight or flight". For example, you infuriating long standing in traffic jams - you can repeat the mantra: "I'm not in a hurry." If you are angry, when a long time looking for a parking place, say to yourself: "Do not worry, I'll find where to park."
The idea is to look at the situation from the outside, and as objectively as possible. Whether to stand in a long queue unpleasant? Absolutely. But it is clear that sooner or later you will pass it and forget all about this episode.
In addition, you can imagine the worst case scenario. Let's say you have to queue protorchat extra 20 minutes in the bank. What are the consequences for you? Is it similar to the dilemma of "life or death"? Almost always, the answer would be "no."
Learn to look at the situation more
Sarah Shnitker, Assistant Professor, Department of Psychology and Neuroscience at Baylor University, advises to use the technique of conscious revaluation. The idea is to change the view on the annoying situation. For example, you pissed off a nagging colleague. Do not get stuck on that emotion and try to recall instances when you are angered others. "This will help treat the counterpart leniently - Sarah says. - Can you remind yourself, "Oh, this situation will help my personal growth!"
The second technique, which she recommends a change of the focus of attention. Look at the situation wider. Ask yourself: in this case, endurance and patience are consistent with my values? "For example, if I was approached by a parent, who did not exactly succeed relationship with the child, I would ask him to consider the situation in a broader context. Wonder why he considers important for the role of a parent? What place occupies this role in his life? ".
Do not be fooled into thinking that just manage to cope with irritability
When we understand how patience fits into this bigger picture of values, it is easier to maintain speed in everyday situations and to form a new pattern of behavior, Shnitker explains.
Do not expect quick results
Do not be fooled into thinking that just manage to cope with irritability, warns Sarah Shnitker. You will be disappointed. It is impossible to run a marathon without serious preparation.
Restructuring behavior patterns requires training. It is best to learn from exposure to simple, everyday situations where the stakes are not so high for you.
Now that you know your triggers and trying to avoid traps "fight or flight", you can consciously avoid or mitigate some stressful situations in life.
For example, if you always plants from standing in line, download phone game that will brighten up the long wait. If you enrage cork leaving a business meeting with a lot of time to spare. If you irritate the crowds in the stores, go shopping at less popular hours.
"Sometimes we overestimate the possibility, without thinking how long it takes on a particular case, - says a clinical social worker Nedra Glover Tawab. - It is important to set realistic goals, taking into account how many cases can actually succeed in some time. "
So, if your to-do list for tomorrow 10 points, but really for the day it can be made only five, you're obviously preparing himself a failure. If the day is planned out to the minute, because any hesitation you can fly off the rails. "I can not speed up the course of time, I can not force other people to accelerate - sums Tawab. - There is something that does not depend on me. In fact, the only thing I can control is myself. "