I talk too much about yourself
Too talkative and frank, they are ready to turn the soul, not worrying too much about how it is appropriate. But their confessions are often sound out of place, or are perceived as tactless.
"Such a demeanor indicates that the person is broken contact with each other and with other people, - says Tatiana Rebeko Jungian analyst. - Anyone who talks about his personal life, not resorting to self-censorship, so absorbed in his own feelings, desires or fears to lose a sense of connection with another person and do not take into account that that there is a range of interests. " Why is this happening?
An escape from loneliness
Distance is difficult to comply with for those who can not endure the frustration associated with the realization of existential loneliness.
"When an adult is constantly (and openly) speaks of himself, he behaves like a child - says Tatiana Rebeko. - This regressive behavior - an unconscious attempt to dissociate itself from the truth, which sooner or later faces every man alone in essence, alone in suffering and in the face of death. "
This phenomenon suggests blur the boundaries between inside and outside, between "I" and "not-I." Needless to open in a sense merged with another person, perceiving it as a continuation. Therefore, in its communication there is no symbolic distance.
"I am learning to build a dialogue so that people talked about themselves,"
Olga, 30, a sales manager
"I know I talk too much, but it seems to me, if I shut up, you'll be in the shade and I do stop noticing. Although my spontaneity, talkativeness, sociability many people do not like. Men, for example, often irritated, our relationship quickly begin to bore them. In order to somehow change the situation, I went to psychotherapy, and very much hope to be able to learn a different style of communication, learn to take an interest in other people, hear what they say. "
Mixing fantasy with facts
"People, easily passing a confidential confessions about myself, as a child failed to demarcate their territory, to build their own inner world, - says psychotherapist Nicole Prieur. - psychological space of the individual with his indispensable domain of mystery they have not yet emerged. They are still difficult to distinguish between reality and imagination, fact from fantasy. "
This is what happens if a child growing up in a dysfunctional environment, free from fear and not feeling safe, if he did not have intercourse with her parents, the family was not complete or, on the contrary, loving parents unceremoniously intruded into his life, seeing it as a continuation. These adults could not teach the child simple silence, forcing him to tell them what he thinks.
The constant desire like
The need to constantly and a lot of talk about yourself therapists also explain personality disorder, borderline manifestation of nature, close to hysteria. The purpose of (often unconscious) of these people is simple: to impress, to attract attention at any cost. They use the strategy of "running ahead": naboltal just as much as possible to avoid talking about what you do not want to talk. Shocking statement, radical views are a smokescreen that hides vulnerabilities.
Psychotherapist Jane Turner explains this behavior is the desire to test the strength of the relationship, "If after I lay out everything about yourself, including the worst, I still take, then I met a true friend." These adults behave like obnoxious children, deliberately manifesting itself with a worse hand, to make sure that they are loved. For irrepressible candor hides a disturbing question: "Do I deserve love and respect?"
What to do?
Restore boundaries of his own body
Step by step, Marshall boundaries between themselves and others. To begin, try to feel where your body ends: feel the soles of your feet, fingertips top. Draw an imaginary line that separates and protects your "I," and do not let anyone (including yourself) it crossed.
To study the inner world
Take some time to stay in silence and solitude. Listen to your thoughts and feelings, move them ... and leave with them. If you're a diary, you can write them down, but no one read! Get used to the idea that sharing everything in the world is impossible. Become truly adult can only be learning to tolerate frustration and loneliness.
Get rid of the illusion of merging
In love and family life, try to avoid using the word "we" recognize the autonomy of the partner and their own individuality. In friendship and work, set clear distance: if everyone will comply with the principle of the inviolability of privacy of another person, communication will become more comfortable for everybody.
Those who close
If a loved one plunges into confusion excessive frankness, or you just get tired of his endless stories about themselves, it is necessary to inform him about it.
Correctly and clearly, stop it, explain that you are embarrassed to hear such things. And do try to understand why it is so intrusive, what he expects from you in fact, what he lacks, or what you tell him to give less. Indeed, often, to talk too much and too openly, people made it clear that we give him enough time and attention that he did not fully feel our sympathy. see also
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