Who (not) happy birthday?
"When my father was told that I was born, he immediately went to the shop and bought a whole stack of newspapers - a kind of" snapshot memory "of what happened that day in the world. So far I have this gift is carefully stored, "- says 48-year-old Julian.
Only, by definition, that day does not look like everyone else. Day, month, year - this unique combination of marks for us comes into this world and accompanies throughout life. Like the sound of our name, the day is filled with a very special, intimate sense. Is it surprising that none of us is not indifferent to it?
What we think the birthday
"I remarked, already a few weeks before the date of birth in the affairs I have started some kind of unpleasant fuss, and the mood for some reason always spoiled, - says 32-year-old Alena. - I do not know, maybe I do not love the holidays, even in the New Year usually try to go somewhere ... "
Reluctance to celebrate (and even more so - a very special, personal holiday) always says that life has accumulated some important questions, which we try not to think, the answer to which can not be found. In this sense, birthday and really reminds the New Year: he is like starting a new life cycle.
"Thanks to this date we have an own reference point, an occasion to take stock and build plans, - explains Inna Shifanova family therapist. - To some, this inner work can give acceleration to push for the implementation of the planned, and someone can bring on sad thoughts. "
This is understandable: the one whose plans were successful, pleased birthday is greater than the one who has met with failure. However, they some use. "Understand, what we regret, is to understand what we wanted - says family therapist. - If these desires are still with us, we can look for opportunities to implement them in the future. " This day makes us admit that the movement of life is inevitable. But not everyone is willing to change. Not for nothing on this subject so many jokes: "It is not the first year I celebrate my 30th birthday." And if, say, the New Year we are making a step forward together with other people, it's birthday, we will like to do it alone, but in the home. The rest remain in the same place where we were all the day before. This, of course, an illusion, but it can aggravate the feeling of loneliness, even if we are among friends.
We grow, just realizing that they themselves, their decisions can affect our destiny
On the day of birth adds some concern and faith in the New Year omen "as a meet - and so spend it." When you can not an ordinary party, we rarely get upset for a long time. But if there is something unpleasant in its own holiday, we grieve at times as if it ruined the whole year.
"These are the traces of magical thinking, characteristic of childhood, - explains Inna Shifanova. - We grow, just realizing that they themselves, their decisions can affect our destiny. "
Gifts, greetings, friends and relatives, wishes of happiness ... As a child, we celebrate the renewal of the world, which is infinite for us: it was up to us, and will be after. But the day of birth - date, which is inextricably linked and death.
"These two points determine the earthly life, the beginning and the end of our" I "- explains Tatiana Rebeko Jungian analyst. - Birthday every time reminds us that time is not infinite, and narcissistic infantile part of the personality, the thirsty omnipotence, suffers from this. "
However, encouraged by the analyst, there is a positive side to realize - it is impossible to return back, and gone lost forever: "When we begin to better understand the limits of their capabilities, it only strengthens our" I ".
A feast for themselves or for others
"Friends have a month starting to ask where and how I'm going to celebrate - surprised the 18-year-old Sawa. - I feel strange, because this is my holiday, but it turns out that I have commitments that I have to perform. " It seems that the very idea of a holiday involves a collective pastime. Colleagues, friends and relatives often wait that your birthday we will celebrate it with them. For someone need to be with others in this day poses no problems: communication with colleagues or loved ones and is the main pleasure.
"For me, this is a rare and therefore particularly valuable occasion to gather all the people I love," - says 26-year-old Maria. "Most often the occasion to convene the guests happy extroverts - says Inna Shifanova - those of us who are focused outward, who like the role of the soul." But if this is not just a desire and need to be at the center of public interest, then it could be in another - in a big lack of attention that a person experiences in the rest of the time. According to Jungian analyst, "the role of the birthday child up for the deficit, providing the legal right to be the best at least once a year."
But the main role can be a burden, especially if it is associated with troubles. The same was said 28-year-old Cyril: "Prepare for a holiday I do not like, but every year on this day expect miracles. I love that someone else has prepared a surprise for me. "
In many echoes of childhood - when the holiday and "miracles" prepare the parents, but we only had to take care of them. Birthday - a kind of test of maturity: as far as we are independent, how willing to take care of themselves ... and others.
We find ourselves in the spotlight, like actors on the stage, and it is always a test
"Living among the people, we are always looking for a compromise between their desires and their own - like Tatiana Rebeko. - And if you expect from us that we will convene the guests, we can do just that in order to please loved ones, even if they would prefer privacy. "
At the same time we have to answer one call. "Many people (especially women) are going through due to the fact how to assess their housing, the ability to cook, look, - says Inna Shifanova. - They see a meeting with the guests like an exam, but the examiner is not one of their number. And the harder it is to get it right. "
Tatiana Rebeko adds: "We find ourselves in the spotlight, like actors on the stage, and it is always a challenge. After all, even those who play the play is not the first season, worried before going out to the audience. " But as actors, we are pleased that the show played out, even if they feel tired.
However, the collection of guests - not the only option celebrations. "Ever since I was 50, I strive to meet the day away from home and loved ones, - says 53-year-old Lyudmila. - Somehow I do not want to organize a holiday for others. I'm taking a vacation and going away somewhere, to take care of their health or to see something new. "
We still have this possibility - to decide how we will spend that day. "It is important that this choice was deliberate - emphasizes Jungian analyst - that we understand they did it themselves, and did not consider themselves obligated to someone and depressed by these commitments."
The official pretext for compliments
"I hate cliches, so do not celebrate a birthday! - says 25-year-old Elena. - I prefer to arrange something unusual, for example, celebrate the summer equinox. " Elena annoying thing is that the play called "birthday" is known to all and steps are programmed in many ways: the guests, cake, flowers, congratulations. But do not underestimate the celebration of rituals. "Repeatability creates a feeling of safety - says Inna Shifanova - and well-known daily reduces personal responsibility and anxiety: both guests and the birthday boy just doing what it should be. Few would be enough courage to convene a familiar and say praise me! Birthday prescribes do compliments hero of the occasion, and it is especially valuable in our culture, which is characterized by high critical of themselves and others. "
The same criticality sometimes leads one to suspect congratulating insincerity. "However, even if the praise and exaggerated, it does not follow that under them there is no real basis" - sure Inna Shifanova. And what if you believe in their own dignity? So refers to this holiday a 32-year-old Catherine, for her it is - "an occasion to bring together people who care about me, and give them the opportunity to talk out loud what I am good, and they love me".
It turns out a kind of training increase the self-esteem and the development of the ability to make positive feedback, as well as to maintain the attention of others. "On this day, we are like a child, who was called to read the poem: it is both shy and really wants to be praised," - says Tatiana Rebeko.
"On this day we are going through an existential crisis"
What mood is this day, largely it depends on what we think is important in life. If we take for granted (as we prescribe advertising industry), that youth, beauty and the meaning of life - full of synonyms, the reminder of the passing of time can hurt. Many say that stopped loving birthday "because of age" - the age which is called differently: some - after 50, and others - after 30.
"Our body inevitably grows old, and we certainly do not have to have fun on this issue - reflects the Gestalt therapist Marina Baskakov. - But we do not consist of only one body. Note: we call celebrating the birthday and name day in church tradition - a celebration of the arrival on Earth of a new soul, the day above all spiritual birth. "
If a person does not like your birthday, it is important to ask him what were the circumstances of his birth
The holiday will depend on our family history, emphasizes Inna Shifanova: "What was it like growing up? I collected those friends who have chosen the child himself, or his parents invited? What gave gifts - pleasant or helpful "Furthermore, in addition to the conscious memory is still present and unconscious part.
"If a person does not like your birthday, it is important to ask him what were the circumstances of his birth, - says Tatiana Rebeko. - And you may find that either the parents do not really want a child, or his appearance was accompanied by severe events: someone died or became seriously ill. " We pass this date every year and get a new chance to find out what the meaning of it for us is filled, if you carefully listen to your feelings.
"On this day we are going through an existential crisis - he, like litmus paper, showing the reality in which we exist," - says Baskakov Marina.
whether we are alone or surrounded by like-minded people, we have already done and what we are, what is the meaning of our existence - all the important questions of life, we ask ourselves this day. But, reflecting on the answers, let's not forget: in his very first birthday, we could not affect the way the world would react to us, now, in the next one, we can meet again in peace - on your own terms.
If you were born on the feast of
Sometimes they say, it's like that go without birthday. In fact, the opposite is true - these people often live with the feeling that they are celebrating the birth of all! And it can affect self-esteem, and even the destiny of man. So, the most prominent US citizens born before or just after the three important dates: Independence Day, Christmas and New Year - a noted psychologist Albert Harrison, examining the date of birth of the members of the US Congress and other celebrities. He suggests: the parents of such a child can see the symbolism in the date of his birth, and he unconsciously "read" it. For example, born on Independence Day will experience special patriotic feelings, and this will encourage him to study and work hard for the good of his country. And he will succeed in life - because the diligence and hard work lead us to social success.