10 tips to win over the interlocutor
is nice when we are good! With some people manage to establish warm relations quickly and easily. But there are also those with whom the conversation is not glued. As the conversation, the sides? We were invited to the editors of psychologists Vadim Petrovsky and Elena Stankowski and asked to share his thoughts on how it is easier to make contact with another person.
1. Talk about yourself. If the other party, as you do not seem ready to talk, does not answer the questions or answers in monosyllables, you can to start to talk to extraneous topics, talk about what you care about at this moment ... and space arise in this story for communication.
2. Ask an unexpected question. Give the other person a chance to look at the subject of your discussion in a new way - the surprise will open an opportunity for dialogue. Journalist Valery Agranovskiy in one of his books told how, trying to interview the taciturn professional about his work, he asked his companion how many steps he makes per shift.
The question roused his curiosity, and became the starting point for an exciting conversation
In another time he would have to do an interview with physicist Flerov, who asked questions to send in advance - but ready-made answers would not give the feeling of live conversation. And now, coming to the meeting to the Flerov, Agranovskiy saw on the board circuitry and asked why the atoms are always round draw, not diamonds, for example. Physicist wondered - why, indeed? Question awakened his curiosity and became the starting point for an exciting conversation. 3. Expresses its attention to the interlocutor. So far, he says, nod, use cheered saying: "yes", "Yeah", "do so." Do not pull a long time look to the side, looking in the direction of the interlocutor, but not necessarily straight in the eyes - too straight and gaze some perceive as an expression of distrust.
4. Raise the self-esteem of the interlocutor. This will help such phrases as: "How interesting," "Yes, now I begin to understand." Sometimes it is useful to ask again: "Excuse me, how do you say? This is very important, "Repeat particularly significant statements interlocutor, adding to them:" This is a very new information, "" second, I would like to write it down. "
5. Show off your interest in the topic. It happens that exceeds your interlocutor erudition. In this case, you can ask him to clarify some points. If at the same time he was a little arrogant, not to recognize immediately in their ignorance - instead, you can say, "Well, well ... looking in the memory ... it is impossible to recover ... and yet it sounds so interesting! Could you tell me ... "
6. Choose the individual style of communication. Try to imagine what's important to the interlocutor, what he would like. And use it. For example: "My friend, knowing that I will meet with you, definitely ask to find out ... My friends envied me when I tell them that spoke to you ... your family, probably proud of you ...".
One sculptor Yuri Gagarin said: "Young man, do not fidget - and you will not get into the story!"
7. Reflect feelings interlocutor, at the same time keeping their distance: "It seems that you are excited." If you feel that the other person is experiencing negative emotions, add "as if" and asks: "It looks as if you were outraged by my ignorance - this is true?"
8. talks about his reaction. Watch out for feelings and talk about them when it is appropriate or necessary. With positive feelings, usually difficulties arise (see. P. 3). And if you have any unpleasant experiences, reported as observation - with the position of the observer: "You know, I feel inside some disagreement ... the desire to argue ... It is curious - I would like to argue the person with whom I'm so interesting to talk ..."
9. challenged. Instead of trying to please the other party, make sure that he was trying to please you. This unexpected role reversal can enliven the conversation. As an example - the case in the defense of the dissertation. The speaker graduated from the keynote address, and the time has come, whom are usually young scientists fear the most - when the leader says, "And now questions to the candidate for a degree."
At that time, hardly sounded these words of the master, dissertator added: "But please, abruptly!" Opponents confused - they have not thought about how to "fill" it, how interesting will be questions. The young man turned them in their evaluation of the object.
10. Put "quotation marks". In situations where you need to say something unpleasant companion or ask a question that he did not want to hear, helps welcome the removal or intonation quotes - you say what you think is necessary, but not on his own behalf. For example: "I'd have never asked this question, but I was asked to find out ..." "Who is a difficult moment, you do not want to say it, but the leadership asked me to tell ..." or "In my place some tactless people might ask ..." . To keep the friendly atmosphere, you can specify that this unfortunate episode will be put beyond the confidential conversation: "... And then we will immediately get back to our conversation."
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