6 things you should not change for the sake of a partner
1. Your connections with family and friends
"If your partner loves you, he will make an effort to treat your friends and relatives with kindness and respect," - says Christina Wilke, a family therapist from Pennsylvania. This means that he will not be offended and makes a sour face in response to the invitation to go to an important family holiday to your parents. He will not let go of sarcastic remarks when discussing problems in their personal lives of your closest friends.
"You can not just brush aside the long-term friendship and close contacts with relatives at the behest of a partner - says the expert. - And it is unlikely you'll have to build a relationship of trust with the person who forces you to choose between him and the people you are my roads. "
2. Your shortcomings
We all come to a relationship with a certain baggage. Everyone has their own unique set of individual shortcomings that have shaped and defined the life.
If the second half does not recognize your weaknesses, sooner or later you will start conflicts
"A man worthy of your time and energy to find a way to love you all, including your imperfections - says Betsy Ross, a psychotherapist from Massachusetts. - To see a partner only the best, ignoring it is not very flattering quality, dangerous: no one in everyday life can not long remain impeccable throughout. Not notice shoes, abandoned in the middle of the hallway, dirty dishes in the sink or frivolous comments for any reason, at some point it will become impossible. And if the other half does not recognize your weaknesses, sooner or later you will start conflicts. "
3. The values of
"If you aspire to a strong relationship, never change their values - warns coach divorce Kira Gould. - True love is based on the dialogue of people, faithful to ourselves. The attempt to be who you are, to please a partner, you get tired very quickly.
The desire to be loved and accepted should not be to the detriment of the true "I"
to live a lie exhausting. In particular, to change their view of the family, of decency and self-esteem, on the (non) spiritual or economic security issues in favor of the partner of opinion - a dead end, which often leads to the breakdown of relationships. Most of us are close and clear the universal desire to be loved and accepted, but this requirement should not come at the expense of our true "I".
4. Aims of my life
The goals that you had to meet in the second half, should not drastically change just because you are now one of the pair of halves.
"Of course, you can fantasize together and build joint plans for the future, but they must not displace global life goals - like Amy Kipp, a family therapist from Texas. - Your goals should be combined, rather than compete. If you have always been career-oriented, should support partner solutions, which will help you in your work.
If the birth of children - it is what you always dreamed of, do not give up this dream in order to make the partner happy. These vital questions should be discussed at the very beginning of the relationship, to every man for himself could clarify whether your goals are the same. "
5. The qualities that make you special
What people are saying about your friends when represent someone from your circle? That you are kind and considerate of others? Incredibly witty and fun-loving?
"Whatever your bright, unique qualities, do not let them fade and die out in life together - the Council Marnie Feyerman, family therapist from Florida. - If a lot of people recognized some wonderful your line, do not change it just because one man, your partner, it criticizes.
Interests are beneficial relationship: the joy that we get engaged in favorite business, fueling a passion
Maybe he is jealous of you, so sociable and easy-going, to your friends. Or he is inclined to expect and plan for all, and put out your spontaneity and love of freedom. One way or another, but when your partner thinks that you need to something "correct", perceive it as a warning sign: and whether to continue that relationship at all. "
6. Your passion
You are fond of football, or help at the weekend charity, but in recent years have increasingly give up these activities, preferring to spend time with your partner. At the very beginning of the relationship, during the period of romantic dating and getting to know each other, this change of priorities is quite natural. "Lovers difficult to leave even for a short time. However, do not throw hobbies, bringing life to these budding relationship - warns Debra Campbell, a family psychologist in Melbourne. - Beloved may be one of the most important people in your destiny, but keep in touch with other subjects of love, hobbies, sports, creative projects is necessary.
Hobbies are only for the benefit of personal relationships: the joy and satisfaction that we receive, doing things you love, nourish passion. At such moments, we go in the best shape, and therefore particularly attractive for partners and interested themselves. Never give up that pleasure. "