5 main sources of self-confidence
We always rush the word "confidence", rarely even thinking, what is the meaning put into it. Whether it's self-confidence in social situations? Or is it confidence in their abilities? Or are we talking about trust in others and belief in the future? Or the ability to speak in front of an audience?
It's funny that psychologists rarely talk about confidence, preferring to other concepts, such as self-efficacy. This refers to man's faith in the fact that he is able to achieve its goals, as well as the fact that he is able to bring every situation to a positive outcome. If clarity of these definitions in mind you have not increased, here is an example of the children's book Watty Piper's "Little Engine That Could" on a blue small train, who was trying to call up the hill.
"Chug, chug, the one, the one - puffed Little Blue Train. - I think I can I think I can I think I can. " "Hurray, hurray!" - cried a little funny clown, and after him all the other dolls and toys. A Little Blue Train smiled. "
Confidence - it's not just a feeling that everything will be fine, and the belief that you can succeed
The repeated phrase "I think I can" beautifully conveys the mood of a confident person. It is important to note that there is some "skill of confidence" and confidence - this man's faith in the fact that he will be able in certain circumstances to successfully apply their skills. If you are sure that you can do something, it does not mean that you actually do it (it was more of the "I can" rather than "shall"). Confidence - it is not waiting for the desired result, and the feeling that you are able to perform actions that should bring this result. It is important to note that the confidence - not a personality trait and generally narrower concept than self-esteem. It is limited to specific situations and contexts. This makes sense - your teenage son may be confident in their ability to solve complex mathematical problems, but it is not confident when communicating with the girls (as well as mine).
Summarizing, we can say that confidence - it's not just a feeling that everything will be fine, and the belief that you can achieve success in any field, if you really try. In other words, the ability to be itself, to test in either case without fear of dishonored before the others and keeping a positive attitude.
It is important to understand that motivation, emotional state and activities of your teen are more dependent on what he believes, than from objective reality (but, of course, faith in themselves do not need to bring to an unrealistic level). If teens see themselves as confident, they will act, think and feel differently than if they do not consider themselves as such. We can say that they do not predict the future, and create it.
Confidence plays a major role when it comes to different aspects of life. These include:
- motivation to make efforts
- our sense of self, and the relation to other matters related to
- ability to not give up when faced with obstacles (especially in the face of failure)
- successful operation
- to the difficulties of resistance
- (not) vulnerability to stress and depression
- healthy habits and lifestyle, including physical activity, diet, stress control, safe sex, smoking cessation, the solution of problems with alcohol, treatment adherence, and so on.
Studies have shown that confidence can be drawn from five sources. Let us consider each of them, in descending order of importance.
1. Direct experience of
In fact, this goal, which we have already achieved. For example, if we have good grades in math, we begin to believe that they are able to do well in this subject. If we do well in a football match, scoring a pair of goals, we begin to believe that we are able to play good football.
2. Role Models
These are people we admire. They have the qualities and skills that we want to possess. Their success motivates us, we usually try to purchase the same skills, knowledge and attitude they have. It is noteworthy that the more these people are like us (according to parameters such as age, gender, biography, career), the more likely that their successes are able to add confidence to us.
3. Support and approval of
It is important that other people believed in us and supported in your endeavors, it is especially helpful when we ourselves feel respect for them. However, other support and encouragement gives a much smaller gain confidence than personal experience and examples to follow.
4. Emotions and feelings
Mood and stress response plays a major role. If we feel too much stress, trying something new, we will begin to avoid it or will do it badly. Learn to cope better with stress, we can also add to his confidence.
Imagining how we cope with future tests (for example, if we are to an oral exam or driving test), we can add yourself confidence, and although it is much less effective than the real-life experience, but it can come in handy.
Now you will surely understand that if we simply try to instill confidence teenager ( "Honey, you're sure to like girls"), the effect is very small compared to the effect of the real achievements. Confidence is not preceded by the achievements, but rather follows them. Therefore, the best thing parents can do - give the child to overcome difficulties at the limit of its capabilities.
Maybe your son or daughter will be very nervous at a school dance, but even one dance can give them a lot more confidence than all parental words of support. What if is no achievements on which to build? In this case, you can appeal to your imagination (fifth source of confidence). One way - to present the best possible version of yourself in the future.
Encourage your teenager to describe their future by giving such an instruction: "Imagine that fulfilled all that you had hoped, you achieved everything he wanted, and was able to realize their full potential. Try to imagine yourself most vividly describe this way of writing and continue to develop it for a few more weeks. " In a study with a control group of similar exercise helped participants to improve confidence and optimism, and to better understand their objectives and priorities, which ultimately improve their quality of life. If a teenager does not like to write, help them to express their way of visually - draw it on paper or in Photoshop. The main thing that the image looked the most lively and tangible and motivated to take concrete action to implement it in reality.
Steve Biddulph "The secret of happy parents"
The famous Australian family psychologist Steve Biddulph, whose books are popular around the world, this time writing about the psychology of communication between children and parents. The author insists that any statement about our child directly affects his consciousness and to some extent 'programs' future life.