It's time to let go of old grudges
"From all offense salvation - into oblivion", "Washed by the resulting stand up in the blood, and in the summer," "Do not remember the former offense" - the ancients said. Why do we so rarely follow their advice, and weeks, months and even years to wear their heart? Maybe because to feed them, cherish nice? Old grudges can cause considerable damage to the physical and mental health and, therefore, it is necessary to find a way to get rid of them, writes Tim Herrera.
One of my favorite things to do at parties - ask guests to a simple question: "What is your oldest, cherished resentment," Why have not I heard back! My interlocutors are usually specific. One not raised unfairly at work, another can not remember offhand remark. The third - to go through that old friendship has become obsolete. No matter how insignificant it may seem a reason, resentment can live in the heart of years.
I remember, in response to a question each shared history. He was in second grade, and a classmate - my friend still remembers what his name was and what he looked like - laughed at points, which started wearing my friend. Not that this guy said something absolutely horrible, but forget the case of my friend can not.
Our resentment - a sort of Tamagotchi in our emotional pocket: from time to time they need to feed. Best of all, in my opinion, it expressed its heroine Reese Witherspoon in the series "Great little lie": "And I love their grievances. They are for me like little pets. " But these grievances give us and that we would get if last goodbye to them? Recently, I asked Twitter users, whether they happen to forgive old grievances and how they felt as a result. Here are some answers.
- "When I turned thirty, I decided it was time to forget about the past. Arranged in a head-cleaning - freeing up as much space "
- "Not that I felt something special ... It was nice that I was nothing more worried, but some special sense of relief was not."
- "I, too, something as simple offense ... after take revenge!"
- "Relief, of course, but along with it - and something like desolation. It turned out to nurture resentment was so nice. "
- "I felt free. It turns out, many years I was at the mercy of offense ... "
- "Forgiveness was one of the most valuable lessons of my life!"
- "I suddenly felt really grown up. I recognized that a long time ago, when I was hurt, my feelings were quite appropriate, but it took a lot of time, I grew up, became wiser and ready to say goodbye to them. I just physically felt better! I know it sounds like a cliché, but it was. "
Yes, indeed, like a cliche, but it confirms the scientific evidence. Back in 2006, researchers from Stanford University published a study stating that, "to master the skills of forgiveness, we can cope with anger, reduce stress and psychosomatic symptoms". Forgiving is good for our immune and cardiovascular systems. In the current study, reported in 2019 that those who are up to the elderly experiencing anger for what happened a long time ago, are more prone to chronic diseases. Another report says that anger prevents us look at the situation through the eyes of another person.
When we can not otgorevat and release the incident, we feel bitterness, and it affects our mental and intellectual state. Here is what this bill is one of the researchers forgiveness Dr. Frederic Luskin: "When we know what to do can not be nothing, but we continue to hold on to old grievances and wearing a rage, it weakens our immune system and may contribute to the development of depression. Anger - the most destructive for our cardiovascular system of emotion. "
Stop talking and thinking of himself as a victim of circumstances
But the complete remission, according to the scientist, can reduce the negative impact that we have on the long-running grievances and deep-seated anger.
Okay, so that to get rid of hard feelings - good and helpful, sorted out. But how to do it? Dr. Luskin argues that the complete remission can be divided into four steps. But before you make them, it is important to understand a few important things:
- Forgiveness is necessary for you, not the offender.
- The best time to forgive, the time has come.
- Simple - does not mean to accept the fact that you did not cause any damage, or make friends with a man again. This means to release himself.
So, to forgive, you will need to, first of all, calm down - right now. Taking a deep breath, meditate, running - as you like. It is necessary to distance themselves from what happened, and did not respond immediately and impulsively.
Second, stop talking and think of yourself as a victim of circumstances. To do this, of course, have to make efforts. The last two steps go hand in hand. Think about the good things in your life - that can be used as opposed to applying the harm you - and remind yourself the simple truth that life is not all and not always work the way we want. This will help reduce the overall level of stress that you are now experiencing.
Master the art of forgiveness, stop stuck in injuries for many years - is quite real, recalls Dr. Laskin. All you need is regular practice.
Author - Tim Herrera, journalist, editor.