Why my child is not interested in anything?
"My daughter does not want anything, nothing interested, - he complains mother of 14-year-old Catherine. - Do not read, do not walk, sometimes playing computer games or listening to music on headphones. " She was a second mother 11-year-old Yegor: "As soon as he returned from school, he sits down at the computer, playing into the night and communicates there with someone, even walking does not leave. If I blame him, he replies: "I do the lessons." I do not know what to do, but I'm worried about. "
This concern and anxiety is familiar to many parents. Their children, especially preadolescent and adolescent, do not want to do anything. Sitting in his room, watching television, playing computer games, do not want to talk, bringing all communication exclusively to messages in social networks. What can be done? How to convince the child apparently unmotivated to do anything? How to resist the passivity, which is supported by modern technology?
To put pressure on the child, and to utter shame him obviously useless. But this does not mean that parents are helpless. We will try to look at the situation is not as educators, and researchers.
"Imagine that motivation - no internal quality, not the engine is within the child that generates behavior, but rather the result of the interaction of the surrounding medium, child temperament (biological characteristics inherent from birth) and its identity. For example, someone constantly need novelty, some do not, some are much more sociable, while others closed "- suggests Alan Kazdin, Doctor of Psychology and Director of the Yale Center for education of children and the clinic to work with children. He also points to two important points:
- The lack of activity and attitudes towards life are not static and immutable;
- The situation at home and the actions of others can greatly influence the child's motivation.
What exactly is the problem?
Unwillingness to do anything, lack of motivation can have many causes, some of which may turn out to be external and internal. So before we draw conclusions, try to figure out what we believe the lack of motivation. Alan Kazdin lists several factors to be taken into account.
1. Free time
Have the free time - it's not just okay, it's absolutely necessary. In many children, life is too painted, too busy different things, and they often can not afford the luxury of just doing nothing, dreaming at least an hour. However, children need free time.
Resist the urge to plan every minute of his life, do not be afraid periods that might seem unhelpful, unproductive pastime. Let this child. A special highlight for the better this time in his schedule.
Fine, if you both have the opportunity for some time to spend together without specific cases and deadlines. You can discuss something interesting, just talk about nothing, play cards, enjoy the clouds - do what you want at this point.
2. Domestic business
The preteen and teenage years, children often lose interest in domestic affairs. The baby in this period focused on communicating with their peers. They listen to the same music, wear similar clothes, joking on the same theme. They tend to contempt for all adults.
In this case, the lack of motivation to perform household chores absolutely natural. If until this time you have time to work out a specific order, and the tradition of the house, for example, with lunch and dinner, to engage in some household chores, get out somewhere, it is much easier to continue to do so when a small child turns into a teenager. This helps the child to participate in family life.
3. Signs of depression
One of the situations that should cause you anxiety, it is when a child who has always been active, sociable and interested, suddenly becomes sluggish, sitting at home, almost did not do anything and does not express interest to any business. Such changes in behavior can be a sign of depression. This is not the only reason, but one of the possible. It is therefore important to pay attention to what the child says about himself.
If his remarks expressed a negative assessment of himself ( "I can not do anything right '), or of the world (" around there anything more interesting "), or hopelessness about the future (" it's all over is just as bad as ever ") , is a serious cause for concern.
It can become more irritable and sensitive than usual, it may change the habits in the way he eats, how he sleeps. Even seemingly humorous comments between the type of business "would be better if I died," it is important to be taken seriously if they are repeated. If you have any doubt, you should consult with a professional psychologist.
It is also possible that a child can not concentrate, and that is what you think the lack of motivation. In this case, it does not necessarily cause a lack of interest or becomes depressed mood. Perhaps it's the difficulties with voluntary attention: the child is simply not physically able to perform the same task more than a few minutes, he immediately switched to another, then to another. This can happen both at home and at school, or even anywhere.
The child is much narrower circle of friends, activities, and therefore a problem in some areas of children are taken seriously
We all from time to time have problems with focusing attention, so you need to figure out how often it is repeated. Very often these children rushing to diagnose - "attention deficit disorder", but it's not the only reason for such behavior. If the child has difficulty of this kind, it is best to consult with a qualified professional.
Lack of motivation can also be a reaction to stress. Adults often do not even consider this possibility. Somehow, it seems that children can be stressful. But the child is much narrower circle of friends, activities, and therefore the problem in some areas of their lives children perceive much more serious.
child's reaction to stress can appear as depression, and it often occurs in response to certain events. For example, if you break some kind of relationship with their peers, it can be very traumatic for the child, even if it does not mean divorce or litigation. This may also include peer ridicule (for extra weight for the lag on any subject). It seems to us trivial event can become a serious problem in a child's life.
6. Lack of motivation in general or in a particular area?
Lack of motivation and the apparent laziness can relate to some specific aspects of the life of the child. For example, children who are being teased or bullied at school, can be a very long time to gather in the morning and show a lack of interest in learning. They seemed barely drag his feet, can not possibly meet. Often it is very annoying to parents, but here it is necessary to think, is not whether a child's motivation at all, or it is connected with the school, because there is something unpleasant to him?
Or often the case that children who have difficulty learning to behave as if trying not to really. They may actually have and not try, because it already seems to them useless. If lack of motivation refers specifically to a school, you need to find out whether the child has problems with learning, to understand exactly what was happening to him.
What can be done?
Even if the endless demands that the child no longer sit still and do something, have not yielded any result, it does not mean that you can not change anything. To begin, you may want to limit the time your child spends on the computer or phone. You must do this without aggression, but very firmly, because passivity, actively supported by the latest technology, can negate all attempts to kindle interest even to something.
Of course, if a child spends a lot of time with fellow geniuses, collecting computers from spare parts and talking to them as invented language, it is quite another matter. This is the interest, not the interests of a distraction.
"Son of 12 years. Bummer, do not want to learn. Swear useless, to put pressure on the pity, too, does not work. When looking for some conversations about learning, it around with me agrees, but if he does not do their homework ... "
Men, like women, are showing affection in different ways. Some are more persistent, open, others more restrained and tactful. It happens that a man behaving politely and women think that this sympathy. In love affairs intuition sometimes brings.