As stress-free to discuss financial issues with a partner
The differences between partners is inevitable. Experience conflicts can be very difficult, but ideally they help to strengthen relations and help to find common ground. Another thing, if it comes to financial relations within the couple. Who pays for what? Someone who treats dinner? Who buy products for a week? What part of the salary can be spent "on pins"? Is it worth it to invest a part of the family budget in the start-up of your friend, not having discussed it with her husband?
Psychologist Susan Krauss Witteborn- sure: if you have a partner there is disagreement about how your income should be spent, it can seriously affect the level of relationship satisfaction. It refers to a study conducted by experts on the financial treatment 1 from the University of Kansas in 2019.
They found that talking about money ranks first among the potential sources of conflict in the pair. In this case, the stress associated with finances as well as the frequency of conversations between spouses on the subject increases the likelihood of divorce.
Under the influence of reaction "fight or flight" we either attack the partner who raised the unpleasant subject, or moving away from conflict
Fortunately, there are ways to not only survive an unpleasant situation, but also to bring about talks on a more positive level of cash. Make it so that they do not cause excitement at anybody from participants - an important step towards ensuring that discussion of these issues was held in a constructive way. And psychologists know that this should be done.
The threat posed by the situation, prevent to cope with it. Being under stress, we make decisions, dictated by the habits, instincts and emotions. Under the influence of reaction "fight or flight" we either attack the partner who raised the unpleasant subject, or moving away from the conflict. Neither one nor the other is not conducive to the peaceful resolution of the situation. Employees of the University of Kansas are five strategic steps that will help safely discuss difficult questions, including those relating to money.
1. Practice active listening
Use in the conversation, "I-message": "I feel", "I think." So you "turn off" an aggressive, forward tone, and partners do not have to defend himself from you. Do not avoid the hottest topics, but try to understand the interlocutor and not to attack him.
2. Understand the role of stress in dealing
Remember the last time you and your partner feel the tension in the relationship. Remember the quarrel related to finances. Analyze how you behave in such situations. How to cope with stress partner? That both of you do to get rid of the painful experiences?
3. Be aware of your values
For you as a couple is important to understand how you relate to money and why did you choose this strategy. Do you prefer to save, and partner loves new clothes? Or both of you seek to save more money and get a mortgage?
Remember how to handle money in your family. Perhaps there reigned instability and adults sought to postpone every penny. And the parents of your partner did not stint and thought that you need to buy only the best. A careful study of their own past will help to understand how parents' strategy (and perhaps even grandparents) are affecting you today.
4. Think about the future of
Do you worry about what you will live 20, 30 years? Whether the money set aside for retirement? Brought whether a savings account for children? This is not a particularly exciting experience - to talk about the future, which is usually a little scary, but to discuss a plan of action is worth. And this conversation is far more important than trying to choose a suitable restaurant for tomorrow's meeting.
5. Plan your budget
Budget - the foundation for any undertaking. Perhaps, at work you had to take part in the approval of the budget. Even if not, chances are you are in any way come in contact with the financial issues in their organization. So why not extrapolate this experience to your own family?
Maybe you avoid too emotional discussions relating to your expenses. But scientists from the University of Kansas are confident that the joint accounting of income and expenses in a spreadsheet or in a notebook will help both of you to see how you spend your money, that is how you apply the strategies developed even your parents, in their own lives. And see and call a spade a spade - it means to be able to agree among themselves.
Ideally, the conversation about money should not add stress to the relationship. If you and a partner at the same time try to implement the above steps in life, you do not only with dignity soak difficult conversation, but also to strengthen the relationship.
1 Therapy financial relations - a branch of science at the interface of family therapy and the economy. It examines how parenting patterns about money affect children, income and expenses are recognized on the welfare and well-being, and so on.