Wrath of use: as a right to be angry
The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle attributed to the anger of the virtues. In his book "Nicomachean Ethics" states: "Whoever is angry at just about on those who deserve it, and, moreover, how to, when to and how much should be worthy of praise."
But Aristotle did not have to live in these days when everywhere flashed articles about anger and heart disease connection.
He did not see how David Banner (approx .: character from the universe of Marvel Comics) is transformed into a giant green monster, nicknamed The Hulk, should he get angry. Aristotle did not know what to be on the highway side by side with aggressive drivers.
Today, many consider the anger and negative emotion completely meaningless. According to a survey on the subject, 28% of participants said that being angry is not allowed because the anger is harmful or useless. We can hardly imagine like us, when you're angry, and certainly not pleased to be among the angry people.
Nevertheless Aristotle rights. Anger can be beneficial, especially because it protects us, our relationships and look at the world. In the endless confrontation between "right" and "wrong" physical manifestations of anger are in order for us to understand - something goes wrong.
Try to imagine the anger in the form of a cop who travels to the scene of the crime
We live in the world of goals and expectations. Some very personal: for example, we expect to get a promotion, or hope that the relatives do not forget about our birthday. Other dictated by social standards: we believe that everyone should wait patiently for their turn to the bank cashier.
When someone or something is contrary to our expectations or hinders the achievement of the goals we are angry. Try to imagine the anger in the form of a cop who travels to the scene of the crime. He makes a remark, writes the minutes and says: "You can not! It is forbidden!" This guy is always on the alert. Because it is not impossible to be angry.
When our internal police there for the right reasons and properly react to the situation - it benefits. If you stop the offender and explain to him how to solve such problems - the emotion is operating normally. On the other hand, if it is - an unbalanced type, which is just that, to shoot to kill, or funky newcomer who can not handle weapons, it starts to hurt.
How to cope with anger
In order to determine the cases in which the anger is useful, it is necessary to consider the emotion from all sides: why we get angry and how to behave in this state. Let's say you are angry because of the fact that the allowance for a whole hour with dirty dishes, while the husband was sitting quietly in front of TV. You are outraged, because that too is not averse to watch TV and do not wait for help with the housework.
The more you think about it, the more convinced that rightly angry. You boil the blood pulsing in his temples, wet hands compressed in fists. What do you do? There are three ways to express anger to drive it inside, throw out or control.
The first option is to fly into the living room, plop on the sofa with a straight face and stubbornly refuse to explain to his wife what had happened. In this method, the expression of anger is not good.
The second option is to break into the living room and start throwing dishes freshly scrubbed the floor. This scenario also does not benefit you or plates.
But there is a third option: enter quietly and explain what makes you angry and how to fix it. Then you notice the anger to their advantage. Research participants described as a state of anger controlled illumination. It helps to see the advantages and disadvantages of each other. Angry, you can change a lot in relationships.
If you choose the third way and manage anger, the statistics of heart attacks and premature deaths would lose value. On the contrary, the first method, when the anger being pushed inside, can lead to depression. Studies indicate that women who consistently suppress anger are three times more likely to die prematurely than those who do not.
The second scenario, which involved violence and aggression, dangerous for the relationship. The third method of expressing anger is useful for us and for the relationship. The state itself says that something is wrong, and if we want to be with this person, it is better to understand the situation. It really will benefit both.
Research Department of Psychology and Social Health of the University of Michigan found that couples who are able to productively express anger, live longer than those who are trying to suppress it. But what to do when things took an unfavorable turn so that to have a heart does not work?
Anger and Control
Anger is considered extremely negative emotion is mainly because we can not always control it. Some theorists believe that anger is "utility scale".
But you may want to go beyond the theory and think about how to make it useful. For example, you lose your temper when the machine sweeping through the intersection without even slowing down. You would like drivers to pay attention to the children who cross the road and ride bicycles.
You can scream and honk, trying to stop the offenders, but to stand all day at the junction, follow the reckless drivers and waving his arms - is not the best way to anger management.
A much more effective to apply to the local branch of the traffic police and demand to set restrictive signs or traffic lights at a dangerous site. This is the simplest example of how anger can lead to positive changes in the society. There are other, global examples: the civil rights movement and the movement for women's suffrage. Becoming the initiator of change, you take back control of the situation.
Bodily reaction of anger is very similar to the reaction of fear. The body produces the same chemicals in order to prepare for action, which is called the "fight or flight". But if we decide to take the challenge, anger is definitely stronger than fear.
A psychologist at Carnegie Mellon University, Jennifer Lerner argues that in a stressful situation for fear the anger productively, because it gives a sense of control and encouraging. During the experiment, the specialists analyzed the facial expressions of the participants, noting the existence of both emotions.
For those who often feel fear, it increases blood pressure and levels of stress hormones. Another study of the same psychologist found that those who responded to the September 11 attack anger, not fear, was more optimistic and a sober assessment of the risk of such attacks in the near future.
Perhaps some thought that these people have lost the ability to think, that rage clouded their brains. Anger really changes the way of thinking, but according to recent studies, changes for the better. The experiment was conducted on the basis of the University of California at Santa Barbara, showed that angry easier for people to distinguish between strong and weak arguments. Those who do not get angry, it was possible to convince any arguments. It turns out that anger helps to focus on the important and make an informed decision.
What if the anger is directed at myself
Anger is not in vain associated with the flame: it also goes out without fuel. Unrestrained anger, as the flame grows and leads to destruction and monstrous victims. But anger, like a flame, it is possible to notice in time, tame and turn to an assistant. Fuel that feeds the anger comes from a variety of sources: problems at home or at work, the imperfection of the world, our own inability to cope with difficulties. Interestingly, one of the largest fuel resources for the anger - it is self-sabotage, our actions, sometimes involuntary, that support this state. Do we really want to be angry?
Anger - is extremely powerful and somewhere treacherous emotion, especially for those who are trying to appear strong, cool and well-balanced. For those who lack the joy or pleasure, the excitement caused by the anger often becomes one of the most exciting experiences in life. It seems they prefer to feel bad than not feel anything.
Another form of self-sabotage - wrap rage against itself, and in the physical sense,
So, we are gradually kindle the flames of his anger. How? One way - to seek communion with other people angry. They are everywhere, just go to the internet or explore the area.
You can easily find the gang, forums and hate groups, which strongly welcome expressions of anger. Do you want to throw out your anger? Join us, you're one of us.
Another form of self-sabotage - wrap rage against itself, and in the physical sense.
Sometimes it manifests itself in ordinary, culturally acceptable habits, like smoking and drinking alcohol, sometimes worse - anger results in addiction to drugs or a tendency to self-harm. Some cease to pay attention to personal hygiene or eating without measure and adjust themselves to obesity.
Some stop taking medications or vital lihachat driving.
For each type of behavior is an excuse, but in fact all of them feed on a desire to maintain the internal anger, although we did not quite realize it. The more we delay these habits, the less we are attractive to others.
Accordingly, we often get angry at others for what we are criticized, harassed and do not understand!
The third sign of self-sabotage - is the manner to get involved in trouble, and, again, to shift the blame on others. Sometimes we enter into a relationship based on personal views, what "should" be a partner or get a job under the influence of ghostly fantasies prospects. Sometimes we undertake the project without taking into account any own skills or the likely costs.
anger cycle can be stopped. Rather than disparage yourself or others, should try to express thoughts and feelings differently
In any of the above cases, we doom ourselves to failure. However, having failed, we vehemently accusing partner, boss, or the whole world. We do not always recognize their anger. But if people are excluded or ask why we are so angry and beside ourselves, it means that you need to think about their behavior. Self-sabotage destroys and hurts if his symptoms became too visible, it may be time to see a specialist for anger management.
anger cycle can be stopped. Rather than disparage yourself or others, should try to express thoughts and feelings differently. Learn how to build relationships with people, without hurting anyone.
Direct the anger in a constructive way possible! But to be angry all the time and can not wait for improvements. In anger, as in everything, we must know when to stop. It is important to understand why we go out of ourselves and how to cope with this condition. Recall Aristotle: when to get angry, how many should be and how it should. see also
Today in Western culture has formed the human ideal, which is almost alien to the feeling as anger: it is soft, polite, able to control his emotions. However, the anger turns inward, to ourselves, which causes high blood pressure or other psychosomatic symptoms.
Assault - an obvious but not the only form of violence, which may suffer one of the spouses, certain psychotherapist Alexander Orlov. Psychological violence does not cause physical injuries, but because not cease to be cruel.