An invitation to reflect on a mature relationship
See, there is , the love of the lack of - it is lacking, we want love, we want tenderness, care, share their experiences, to be loved, listened to, admired us, they gave flowers and maintained. Here, we need interaction and need a second person. Because that's what we expect from him all these benefits.
There are the love of excess - we want to give care, something nice to do, we do not see enough on the subject of love, we are overwhelmed. This kind of love - not necessarily the interaction between the two. To love someone, we do not need a second man and his feedback (although a response of love, of course, very pleased). The second can not forbid us to love him and feel that feeling. We may be in the bathroom at work, sitting in an airplane, be thousands of kilometers away from this person and just love it.
And what is the relationship?
First is an interaction between two people, which including may include love. People are primary, that two people are needed to the relationship took place. What connects them - love or anything else - it is another question ...
Surely you know such examples of pairs, where love (have) no. In some respects, the love does not take root permanently, over time, the pair gives the value of the lot to another: for example, in your garden of life she is more watering flowers such as "the accumulation of joint well-being," "growing children," "family care", "functioning" . A flower "Love" neglected (it and so should be like - but not "must"). And now more about the relationship where the love is still there.
- first type: both participants with needing love. This is often a relationship that can be called "you me - I told you." My very first relationship was just like that. We had mutual claims against each other: it to me - "you do not cook me breakfast" (by the way I could not understand why I had to cook them), and I to him - "I do not have a tender flesh contact "(assuming that he, too, wondered why suddenly he" must ").
- The second type: is one of a lack of love, and the other of the excess.
We can say, have found each other. Somehow, in Russia it is still a relationship when he likes, and she allows herself to love, many considered almost ideal. If the opposite happens - it allows, and she likes, then we can expect that a woman will be condemned and sigh about it: "Oh, how awful," ... (But why ?!) While the type of relationship is essentially one. Can they be considered for both the feeder, fill, developing, happy? Better ask them.
- The third type (oh yes, it happened) - are both fond of excess!
Why so? I want to hear about your experience, too: like this - when they love both of excess, with no intention of parental lick wounds, to get to assert themselves, to live your narcissism?
I know you have such examples; I know that you have to talk about that; even if there was no such in your experience, it was certainly with the people you know!
About myself I can say that the first messengers of a mature and conscious love happened to me when I was 32 years and had experience of relations first and second type. I returned to Russia from Greece, where she met a man in whom is infinite in love and who later became my husband. We were familiar with only 10 days. It was very difficult to leave and return to the kind of life where there is none. Sitting in an airplane, I lived these 10 days from start to finish, remembering every moment spent together time. And I realize that something has changed in me - have gone somewhere a tragedy and suffering, the desire to hold and get "but more".
I was sad and unfortunate that maybe I never see the one I love. With all my heart overflowed with gratitude and joy for the fact that it happened to me, and that this person exists . I was just happy.