Why there is a sense of guilt
The sense of guilt has its origins in childhood. Cause us that feeling in the first place, the most near and dear to our people - our parents.
When we are young and we do not have formed social habits, we still live by their own rules, and it seems perfectly normal to desire something, something to dream and say what we think.
Adults also have adjusted the society in which they live. They know words like "can not", "should", "commitment", "rules" - all this is over, it is necessary for the general discipline, to avoid chaos and anarchy. All this is very important, even when used in a timely manner and, moreover, meet certain age requirements.
But you have to understand how to articulate "can not" and "should be" a small child who can after one careless word to hide their dreams, thoughts and even shut down.
Many problems in adulthood have their roots in childhood, one of these roots is directly linked with a sense of guilt towards the parents. Unfortunately, many do not realize, and the only thing they can tell us is anger, resentment of misunderstanding, fear and other "light" feeling.
Many people think that they fell short of parental hopes, somewhere specific, linked to a particular area in life where something in general self-realization according to the pattern drawn by mom and dad. Parents want you to be happy, but often they forget that each of us lives our lives, with our mistakes, lessons - and, wishing happiness, restrict our freedom. And we are accustomed to the parent control, breaking their prescriptions, we feel guilty. And sooner or later they will execute.
In addition to the parents we are surrounded by many other people with whom we come in contact, and that, too, may well cause a feeling of guilt.
Because often the wine is not associated with some global events as well, such as default or promises. Many people do not believe that it is important for the other. But a feeling of incompleteness and imperfection in the consciousness leaves the grain of guilt. So they are piling up, and at some point we begin to feel discomfort close to those who need. If time does not solve the problem, this incomprehensible severity can destroy relationships.
Therefore it is better not to promise, if not sure at least 90%, which fulfill this promise. As for liabilities, you can always talk to - and an explanation on this issue is much more productive and without negative consequences.
Apart from the fact that others evoke in us the feeling, and we are no less, perhaps unconsciously, makes others feel guilty. Here is an example of typical phrases-prosecutors. You find them yourself?
Phrase-prosecutors, who can say otherwise.
➡ ↔ mother child
- I'm on you all my life spent, and you ungrateful ...
+ I love you and I want to know that it is mutual.
➡ any character
- What are you doing to me hurt so much?
+ It is very important your attention, do not forget about me.
➡mama ↔ child
- You leave me alone after all I've done for you!
+ I am afraid that not cope with all the challenges alone.
➡ ↔ wife husband
- I am all day with the baby, and you do not understand where and with whom
+ I am very tired, I need time for myself.
➡mama ↔ child
- If you loved me you would have done, as I say.
+ I'm worried about you, I want you to have everything was fine.
You see, being driven on their own emotions, we stop to think about the words, and some just fine manipulation on feelings of guilt. It is one of the basic senses, and it should definitely work out on their own or with a specialist.