Rest of the partner. Why and who needs

Each of us has different needs for intimacy, communication and interaction with our partners. In this article we shall be as men and women.

Rest of the partner, a break from the relationship - is the key to harmonious relations. Because of our partners can not meet all our needs possible. I already wrote about the principle of 90/10. It's about the fact that 90% of our needs, tasks, and so on. N. We need to meet outside the relationship and only 10% in the relationship.

And if we talk about the different needs, they may be the people who are organized internally in different ways. There are people sliyatelnye is autonomous.

  • Sliyatelnye want to meet their needs by 90% in the relationship.
  • In the autonomous those needs fit into the 10%.

If the pair at an early stage of relations, the merger - adequately. Without it, the pair will not be sustainable. But when already live together, then there can be problems.

Sliyatelnomu type have a lot of time to spend with your partner, the more - the better. Such people want to do most of the time together: go somewhere, relax, eat, watch shows, travel on business. Or they keep calling, asking how things were going, what you do, what to buy, when you are. They are like the proverbial limpet ... well, you understand. I, of course, I exaggerate, but for a different type of people it looks that way.

Autonomous type needs more time to be alone and in silence. The main thing - to not touch. Need some autonomy for leisure or their personal affairs. When an autonomous person a lot of communication in their lives, for example, at work and at home waiting for more and sliyatelny partner, he is very tired of the relationship. If he is constantly calling and something from him regularly want, or his house constantly tugging, his nervous system will not stand, then there will be tension and, as a consequence - a quarrel. Such a person is really very hard. They love each other, then with the same. And the need for compatibility or autonomy is not to blame! But love can be killed if you do not meet the needs and not be able to distribute the energy.

Thus sliyatelnym very difficult to understand self, and vice versa.

And oddly enough, but the man sliyatelnomu difficult to explain what the other needs a rest from the relationship. In fact, it is useful to both partners: Timely vacation - the key to a harmonious relationship.

What if you need a rest?

If you are self-contained, and your partner wants you to be close to 24 hours a day?

Clearly define for themselves that, yes, you need a vacation, you need your space and how it is all you need. How do you want to relax, what to do in this case? For example, you want to come home and lie down in the bedroom an hour or two to recover. Or do you want to spend Friday evening with friends, not with a partner?

Make a decision and determine how to want it, it is extremely important, because when you love a partner, you can float in borders and this is then suffer. Inability to say no or to be led by a partner in this situation - a bad job. You will have a voltage twice as much! First, because your need for autonomy is not satisfied and you get tired of the relationship. Secondly, you can start to blame themselves that they could not refuse.

When clearly for ourselves, then we can begin to talk with your partner. Say that the rest - it's the basis for your good mood and love. That the Charter does not him as a person, and you are so arranged. That the rest - is the norm. And tell us how you want it. Importantly, do not blame him for the fact that he is so arranged. You will not be easy to convey your thoughts, and maybe you'll get is not the first time. Expose the border - it is a skill that needs to hone. If you start to relax even in the minimum, then immediately see the results - you will be calmer, and you will be pulled to the partner. For those who sliyatelny - you have to understand that you do not share where you are, and where the other person: all is one for you. But this is not the case. You will find additional useful for the soul, and to try to understand the partner. Turning a little energy with a partner for yourself, you will be of use for yourself and relationships.

You and your partner have somehow arranged. But here it is important to think - you are in a relationship happy? And your partner? And if there are problems in the relationship, or their precursor voltage, it is better to deal with it. Yes, change its nature it is not easy, but if you want to make the relationship more harmonious, the psychology to help you.