Treason - stay or go?

Treason - is a very painful situation, in which there is a lot of frustration, despair, the pain of betrayal. There is a lot of negative feelings and difficult to cope with it.

But it is very easy to take "emotional decision", ie the heat of the moment. To leave or to expel a partner.

Why did he (she) did that (a) with me?

What she (it) is better than me?

I can not forgive

He (she) is a traitor

These are questions that first of all I hear in the consultation:

What do I do? How to proceed?

  1. "Cool" - live primary emotions that prevent us from seeing the true situation.
  2. See what your thoughts generate negative emotions. And then, as a rule, float personal beliefs, perceptions of what a betrayal. All they are different:

The betrayal - a betrayal.

Treason - is when Dad stopped loving mother.

Treason - the end of love.

Treason - when I make a fool of.

So it is a situation in which there was a betrayal, too, are different, but there is in them and shared moments. to about them and wanted to tell you today.

It will focus on the relationships that are still alive, that is, to preserve, develop.

I propose to consider change not on the principle of "Why?" And "Why?".

And, on the basis of this strategy, rational look at the fact of treason from a different angle.

Betrayal - it's like a fire alarm, it warns that a relationship is something going on, and that they are not completely destroyed, it is important to take measures in time. Remember, as in the famous film "Love and doves," the main character said: "So let it be what it was, this rice to write, but it helped us to see how we love each other, what our children are with you good."

"Diseases", which happen with relationships are different, today let's talk about one.

unconscious scenarios for

In each family or couple relationships live and develop in some scenarios, unconscious participants.

  • Since childhood, we have seen the behavior of the parents, and they have learned to "parental behavior."
  • Living the experience, gained skills "children's behavior."
  • But who are the "adults", people often do not think and just do not know.

And men and women are built from adult to adult. Characterized by respectful communication on an equal footing.

But if the pair often played scenario parent-child relationship, then a family member or both may want to look for a woman (man) - as social roles on the side. In another way - to gather what is not in a relationship.

It can be as emotional closeness, understanding and acceptance of (and not a criticism or condemnation, as well as just sex.

Parent-child relationship in a pair are characterized by the fact that one puts into the relationship more love, care, attention, money, etc., and the other less. When one controller, critic or supports, and other "weak", depressed, not organized, bezinitsiativnyh or revolting, arguing screaming.

That is, one plays the role of a parent in a pair, and the other child.

Woman - "Mother", the man - "a son."

The man - the "father", the woman - "daughter".

In such pairs of communication is not always equal, when one "above" the other "lower", and sexual life goes into the category of formality - the execution of marital debt. Or sex completely out of the relationship. During the consultations, then they say that sex and do not want.

Yes, very logical, because at an unconscious level - sex between "parent" and "child" is incest.

The solution in this situation:

learn to be an adult, to be able to listen and hear the partner, talk and negotiate, understand and talk about feelings and desires, plans for the future.

And then treachery becomes a crisis point - which is lived, the couple is not only maintained, but also come to a new level in the relationship, which may be warmer, high-grade, filled, and did not need to get on the side.