And who you are saving?
Consider this article an example of a film in which a young girl to the circumstances was in the house of a famous person - but mental illness, alcoholics with the experience. Older than her years.
She penetrated to him, because he took care of it. Only a sheltered, just is not screaming, just something once helped - and the sense of duty of the girl incredible. The girl had no parents and loved ones. She grew up in an orphanage.
And the girl is tied to it so that takes care of him. He feels though someone needs.
In this case, the heroine falls in love with a young man, is mutual. The guy really loves her and wants to be with her. And this gives rise to a strong woman in an internal conflict.
Every time she breaks to get away from an alcoholic with it something happens. He starts drinking so forth, and she considers it his duty to save him. That is, sacrificing his love for the guy. She was very afraid that if the leaves from an alcoholic - he sopetsya and die.
The girl decides to become a "crutch" for him, giving up his life. And he puts his unbearable feelings now in it, but not in alcohol. In fact, in the "trash." And it may seem that he has for her is love. But the dependence is often confused with pure feelings.
You yourself - think about what is true love? In this case, it turns out that the bottle was also "love" (addiction), and he also felt relieved "to meet" and intolerable, "killing" feelings when the bottle near there. It turns out - the dependence on the bottle replaced by a dependence on the presence of women - warm, alive, real, genuine. But it turns out attitude to the girl as a "bottle" that is used. Whom she sees in him, do you think?
Who is trying to save?
Here it is - sacrifice a child who is ready to give everything, if only to save the parent. And often that would save parents from depression, from any negative feelings, the desire to make happy. Constant care to the detriment of its own interests and desires. But often - a sacrifice his personal happiness. Because it is impossible to save the alcoholic. And parents whose children do not save. It is their choice - be weak or not to be weak. To drink or not to drink. No "crutch" will not help.
And in the end a man dying from a second heart attack. When he sees a guy kisses the girl. Prior to that, he had a heart attack when she left without saying anything to him. And of course - she concludes that all because of her. Injury so works. She convinces and leaves in a dependent relationship in which there is no happiness. Injury filled with guilt, the illusion of omnipotence, makes deny the reality (the years of drinking alcohol as the impact on health? Plus old age). And she again pushes the young man - saying that it is because of them he died.
This is the trauma of intimacy. In his inner world like a girl again survived the loss of their parents. In this case, the child is unconscious fantasy that his parents abandoned, because it is bad. And this fantasy creates a great sense of guilt, which applies to all aspects of life and prevents to be happy. These feelings create a script that people live over and over again in a relationship. And this is the scenario of a close relationship in the psyche of girls. This example shows how feelings are stronger than reason. As an unconscious phantasy about his guilt forced to abandon his happiness and love. That is, she punishes herself for the fact that her parents were cast - the rejection of the life of a loved one. As if she has to pay for it all his life.
And how would you have done?
This is a good question for the self: how strong you are in a lifeguard.
And as far as you allow yourself to happiness, if your loved one chose to destroy his life.
This is a deep, unconscious choices necessary to make conscious.
That would be able to change them.
If there is a desire.
I must say that it is a long way to go. And it is not simple. Wine and fantasies of omnipotence often rooted in the foundation of personality. And psychotherapy - is the way to update the card, the new foundation. There will perseverance, patience, vision its purpose, a great desire to be happy and free, healthy person with a healthy relationship with people. And, of course, along the way to help true love and real sincerity.
Pity - it is not love, and the girl is confused in his feelings. To the young man she feels love. But the wine and the "fear of loss" win. And while she loses the love!
Then what is so scary really lose?
If we look from the point of view of the inner world of a girl - it is terrible to "die" their "part of the patient." Fear of parting with the pain and guilt overpowers even the prospects of happiness and love. Therefore, people often do not believe they can be happy. It tricks injury. She wants to live. It's a monster of guilt, and illusions of past experience. And you have to interact with it. But what you sacrifice? And for what?
Perhaps life situation suggests that it is time to sacrifice what is to "die." Maybe the fact that already "dying." And you save that "does not want" to live. What it is no longer relevant. Saving their complexes, fears, negative experience. This is something that was always there.
And love, happiness - is it safe? All this is necessary to think and to speak, to be able to change the subconscious program of destruction of good in life. Of what you consciously want and desire. But the sense of guilt prevents accept it. And yet, in your power to change your life script.
I will be glad to help you on your path of transformation and gaining freedom from guilt.
I believe in your success. After all, you deserve to be happy and truly loved.