How to keep personal boundaries: 3 important steps

How to understand that violate your boundaries?

It's simple, if you communicate with the person unpleasant and uncomfortable, your boundaries are violated. But the fact is that we are not always ready to talk about the presence of their feelings. We are ashamed, afraid to offend people, but it's time to say "STOP" and not allowed to do what we hate.

What actions, words should say "Stop"?

People can ask tough questions and incorrect, to manipulate you through feelings of shame, resentment, use your resources. Others may ask to do what you do not want to, not interested - but you can not refuse and thus feel themselves poorly.

Familiar to you when strangers on the street or in the store start to climb with their tips when they are about it nobody asked? It happens everywhere - even in social networks.

And it all seems to psychological violence.

But the main idea is that the to prevent all of this can only you personally - others will not think of your borders.

And now the promised three steps for you to keep a good mood and health.

The first thing - be aware of its limits

In my life there was a situation where the people close to violate the limits of my personal space. Angry, angry. But then I realized - they do so, because I was not told about the rules. I myself do not personally define their boundaries.

It is not that "do not go here", "do not go there" for all situations in life. The main thing - to understand what is acceptable to you and what is not.

  • This may include relationships with money. For example, I do not give money to debt. I decided that I could give the same amount, which is ready to give up or donate.
  • I do not want to talk about other people, or rather, to gossip. So, while interacting with others give them to understand it.
  • to determine for itself how much time I am ready to devote to others, and some time to yourself. For example, if you have dinner, then I do not answer the phone.

Think about what rules are important to you, and clearly they realize themselves. Make it clear that to others. And, most importantly, do not justify in any decisions taken.

The second - report your boundaries to others

It is possible that your boundaries for different people are different, and this is understandable. For parents - one for the husband - the other, for the neighbors - the third important thing is that you do it is clearly understood and acted in accordance with it.

How do I let others know about their rules? For someone enough hint. Well, if people did not understand and continued to ask tough questions? At this point, it is important to include a cold rational mind! If you do not understand - to express their thoughts more clearly.

Remember the main thing: to understand the other person, where is your border. Enough simple phrases:

  • "I hate it,"
  • "I'm not ready to talk about it,"
  • "I do not want to do that,"
  • "Please do not ask me more about it.

or solid "No". I know that not everyone just do it. In my many years of practice often come to consult with such requests: "Learn to say" No ".

The third - guards its borders

And the most difficult thing: if your border is still broke? What to do? Remember that it is important to keep track of how you are feeling with a particular person in a particular situation.

For example, an agreement with a friend to meet at 18.00, and you said that it can not wait more than 15 minutes. But she was late for half an hour. You keep her waiting? And then listen to her excuses and angry at the same time? Perhaps for the first time it will be hard, but you have to give her feedback about what you feel and continue not worth it to wait an extra 15 minutes. Believe me, it will cease to be late. But if you subtract it, and next time again forgive the delay, it will always do so.

Offended by others for what they have violated our borders - is quite familiar. But this resentment is born from a sense of helplessness.

The main thing is to secure a comfortable existence, and there is nothing wrong with that. You have the right to live as you like.

If the compliance of personal boundaries - this is your topic, start with the implementation of these simple steps. And you'll soon notice how your life will change and you will feel better about themselves.