Who is to blame for my problems?
The recently held training on MAC (metaphorically associative map),
and one of the participants to experiment with the inquired (request for consultation):
- Who is to blame for my problems?
Incidentally, in a closed (without looking at the cards), she chose this card:
I think you know the answer. Indeed, who is the one who is to blame for my problems? The answer is complex and simple at the same time - we are the perpetrators of their misery and their problems.
But let's order.
I'd like to find someone to blame our troubles, and so he took it and changed something. A change can only we, not others. Others can only help, such as psychologists.
For example, our parents.
be reborn us back to the other, would give the other body (with longer legs and other priests), other knowledge, would have earned more than our happy childhood and youth - and then we would have exactly now all would be well.
Is it really?
NO so many times, no!
Our parents gave us just enough - as they could give to the moments m.
We loved as much as could love.
Even if a child is loved more than others - for everyone in this has its benefits, just as long as you do not know her. Earned, dresses, shoes, entertained us as they could. They could not give more than they did. And it should just believe and accept them for what they are.
The past does not return.
There, in the past, nothing can be changed.
But you can change right now, just the parents, taking as they are, and gratefully accepting all that they have given. Even if you do not agree with. If you have lived up to 25-30 years - it means your parents have done everything exactly right. Instead of agreeing to this, you will just maintain its own infantilism, and will not develop. Rough? But it's true.
Psychologically adult do not blame anyone, it's no time.
Here a little more interesting. It is "about our partners", we understand that contact that something is wrong. It is possible that this process unconscious. But if she does not feel jealous in principle, but when her guy shows up, it begins to wildly jealous - it's not the guy to blame, jealousy simply is inherent. No Man - there is no jealousy, no one to blame.
The relationship is not going smoothly, and try to make them stay and resist, it is necessary for everyone. Here part of the charges may be: "This is me with him became so That he gave me this did!" But in fact it is not just a girl in contact with him and begins to understand what it is paired and blame others do not... exit.
With friends, friends, bosses or employees is similar.
It is very good, if a man says that his problems are to blame others and do not take it seriously. He said dismissively forgotten. And if it is constantly going over in my head? And if you think about who every day, instead of to solve their problems? This can be called life? I do not think ...
There a Way Out?
Of course I have!
And is it to to get out of the victim's position, someone to blame - and to take responsibility for their own problems and life itself!
It sounds corny, I do not argue, but it's the only way out, which is adequate. While we are in the position of the victim, we spend much of their strength, it is psychic energy. The most interesting thing is that if you start to go to a psychologist and work out their problems, the energy it will go about the same! Only in the first case worried and nothing has changed, and in the second to change and something changes. Just for this we need to decide to start changing your life. And after some time one notices that life is not such a problem, parents quite a adequate and good partners.
Even Carl Whitaker said in a very clever thing:
Man is not what was done to him and what he did with what was done to him.
And he's right! It does not matter that grew out of a man, it is important that he is doing and how to do - whether to cope with difficulties and they are constantly chewing on in his head. whether he is mired in the swamp of their problems or seeking a way out. This is the psychological maturity, when a person does not ache, and looking for ways to cope with their tasks.
There is another phrase which turned my understanding of life. It goes like this:
The world is not signed to protect us.
Well, I did not sign, and all! And nothing in this world can do. You can do with them and change almost any situation. And the world will spin and spin as he wants, and he just will not look at us.
So far, we have someone to blame our problems - we spend a lot of time.
If you something do not agree in this life - that it is necessary to change in my head.
And live exactly become easier!