Talk with the client fear of disappointing someone and give up yourself is always a sign that we are in the process of dove pretty deep, and the customer, ready to come into contact with this state - as if it may sound paradoxical - a very brave.
After all, for fear of disappointing others, there is one more - I reject and I cease to exist. I must say, I'm pretty skeptical about the idea of a person regardless of the decision of others. In my opinion, it's really scary when you do not take. The man - a social being: a flock of endorsing it - is a guarantee of security.
So for me, it is always a serious challenge to the clash with the deep conviction of the client, which by and large is justified. Well, I'm not ready to use the Socratic dialogue, bringing the person to the idea that other people's opinion does not matter.
Of course, I can as a psychologist formally prove that "if the mother is dissatisfied with your sexual orientation - you will not die." Let technically this maneuver is not so simple, but feasible. Externally, the person will agree, but what's next? Whether to allow this agreement to get rid of him from anxiety? I'm afraid not.
But I believe in the possibility of adaptation to the existing conditions of life, in spite of the fact that we (someone more, someone less) have this fear - fear disappoint. I opt for this is not the way of negation of the fear of rejection, and which one - try to tell tezisno in this publication.
Disappoint - it means to be a cause of unfulfilled expectations, hopes or dreams. Disappoint - so cause feelings of hostility (from rejection to disgust) from others in relation to ourselves. For disappointment should exclusion, increase the distance or complete expulsion. I do not pretend to determine the truth, but that is what most of my clients tell me, when I ask them - what it is "disappointing".
Every time comes to talk about it with clients, I myself feel quite intense anxiety emotions. Let me explain why. As a result of life experiences, each of us is faced with situations where someone was waiting for us to certain behaviors, and we - bang - and given something else. And do not even especially because we did not know exactly what the other expects of us. Or knew. In this case, it seems to me, this is not essential. I'm not an exception. I also experienced this experience and I know that he was disappointed - this is an extremely unpleasant condition of anxiety, especially when it comes to friends and significant others.
What to do?
Option to convince themselves that the opinion of others I do not care - a bad option. This is not true, and your brain knows about it, so it will look for workarounds and, rest assured, he will find.
Me and my clients helps painstaking, complex work of investigation of the question "Who am I?" And the adoption of skill training.
When there is the idea that someone has disappointed us, ask questions - who is not short of the expectations? I have no doubt that you will not be difficult to find the answer. I, of course, I have to disappoint!
But now it is interesting. I - what is this? Who you are? Even if you try very hard, the more social roles, we can not go into their studies.
Social role - is the behavior expected from someone who has a certain social status. Social roles - a set of requirements for an individual company, as well as the actions to be performed by the person holding this status in the social system. A person can have a lot of social roles: it can be an accountant, his father, a party member, a neighbor or even a member of the swingers club.
The social role is:
- of role expectations,
- from the performance of this role (of the game).
So, I can only disappoint her performance as insufficient a good game (in a good way)? While only some of the roles that can not meet the expectations of the other as a worker, as a wife / husband, as a daughter / son ... But, you see, your role, even your favorite role - it's not you! Do you agree?
The process of separating themselves from the role is essential and crucial in dealing with the fear of disappointing, because you will not be disappointed if you do not merge with the role, and are giving the report that you are playing. The totality of your specific biological features that are taken for granted and the project of the nature - that's where to look for himself.
If you ever feel this shy and elusive feeling of joy from meeting with him - let me know, I rejoice with you!