Working with self-esteem
Working with one's own values as any other development can not be solved self-suggestion. You do not come to mind to learn foreign languages just by repeating the mantra: "I perfectly speak English!".
So here - identified five areas of work, that is exactly what affects the growth of self-esteem when you have 25+ and when to make progress in sports, sex and finance have already tried (it's just the easiest tool to raise self-esteem). But first I want to give more, and the most often told me a piece of the theory about self-esteem of the works of the American psychotherapist for many years devoted to the study of this topic (N. Branden).
Self-assessment of Brendenu consists of two parts:
- the feeling of "I can" (to cope with the tasks who stand in front of me for life);
- the feeling of "I'm good" (I deserve / deserve to be well with me, I have the right to happiness).
Of course, the formation of self-esteem is strongly influenced by early childhood, parents' attitude toward us, others. But now as an adult, if you do not have an adequate level of human "I" or "I'm good," one of his associates, including parents, it does not get better.
The good news is that self-esteem is amenable to change by the man himself. In addition, we have it all the time varies in response to our own decisions and actions. Successfully completed the work, took an important decision - rises. I do something against their conscience, even if no one knows - is reduced. And another important point - the need to move in small steps in the development of self-esteem and regularly! One feat is not correct. That's where we come in handy, and discipline, and perseverance, and "the art of small steps."
Accordingly, practical assignments and exercises itself is important to select for the development of both parts of the self. (And that often happens: people love to pump what they have, and so it turns out great - and ignore the fact that they are in short supply).
Do you think you have any of these two parts of the self is more developed?
Now back to those five parameters that directly affect the development of self-esteem ...
- Develop a habit to realize what we are doing.
The more we live on "auto-pilot" - without thinking about what and how to say, what to feel, to think in what direction - the more we are not free.
- Learning and accept ourselves.
Let's agree as far as possible off their score. Brown eyes are no better and no worse than blue, gray and green is better. Reality is always neutral! And if you still can not love and benefit from some of its features, at least enough for them to cut themselves. Self-acceptance releases a huge amount of forces that are still being spent on useless struggle with them.
- You and only you are responsible for your mood and attitude to life. And yet if someone is to blame you in these matters - all ok - it just means that you need a bit more mature. We develop responsibility for themselves. Not to be confused with the responsibility for others - it's just that sometimes it is important to remove yourself!
- Develop expediency, particularly in the areas of emotional. "Should I tell him?" "Hold on - or better to cry?", "How to talk, to hear and understand?" - all this is solved, based on your goals. No goals - then logic and consistency, and correct answers to these questions you are not.
- Finally, integrity instead of splitting. The more you are honest with yourself, the better. And if in contact with the other person will achieve in order to get your thoughts, feelings and movements correspond to each other - consider confident behavior you have mastered!
In this way, we can say that the development of awareness, self-acceptance, responsibility, integrity and appropriateness in behavior are an integral part of self-esteem.
And most importantly, remember - the rise in the awareness of its value must be regularly, in small steps.