How to be, if you loaded the guilt. About infected other people's feelings
I want to give you an example of a disguised transfer of the senses.
Once I was riding the subway and going to the car, I saw the girl, over which hung a young man saying something to her. The girl's appearance was greatly dissatisfied. Seeing me, the guy abruptly came to me and began to speak: "I wish you happiness, good, good mood!". And then, abruptly as well: "Though thanks would say so ugly!". And leaves.
How would you feel in my place? It is clear that the blame.
Let's see what happened.
Me unbidden, compulsively slapped like something good (compliments), but they were from a stranger, completely out of place, quite unexpectedly. I did not say anything. This man regarded as an insult and accused me of ingratitude. He then officially (in your imagination) had the right to feel good and unjustly offended. And nothing that he interferes in other people's personal boundaries with their compliments quite manic and energetic.
And his guilt had to stay in front of me (in theory). I had to feel him feeling bad and guilty, unjust offends good people. But I've learned to understand what feelings a person invests in its communication. And, feeling guilty, I realized it was not my feeling. My plan was not to feel guilty. But I understand how he feels bad and guilty for life. Therefore, stick to all. But it was his fault, and I'm not the reason for his true suffering. So I can only call it a feeling within yourself and let them go. Leaving himself his good mood.
And that I teach my clients - not to succumb to manipulation, to recognize - when they are immersed unbearable feelings and states, under the guise of "good intentions".
After all, one could continue to feel guilty for not being aware of the manipulation that has occurred. Many hours and days, and then to think about what I'm bad, do not thank him. And live guilt again and again. After all, when there is an infection other people's feelings, then there is a clear feeling - that they are just your. And if we talk about wine, you want to get rid of it. This happens, for example, when you are with someone quarrel for no reason or a person for no reason, no reason at all offended by you. That's the chain of transmission of the senses occurs.
When you become more conscious in dealing with people, know yourself, have a good understanding of their own feelings, can be called at first what we feel you do, and then what the other person feels - then easier to communicate with all kinds of people, staying a while preserving the state of mind "is not clouded." And if you are really to blame, you can sustain that feeling, not plunging into another person. And just apologize and offer something to help if needed.
I was able to maintain its good mood, despite the manipulation of Man, and refused to accept his guilt. And you can learn it.
To learn to recognize the projective identification. When you are drawn against your will into his inner conflict. When you win back the role of others, accepting other people's feelings for her. And it is a skill that needs to be trained to not allow themselves to be used.
I gave the example of a stranger, but as often happens in relationships with loved ones. And such communication is strongly hurts, it becomes very difficult not to accept negative feelings of a loved one. This confusion of feelings is necessary to unravel. After all, what you very worried - maybe not yours.
Moreover, infection of other people's status does not help to get rid of it another way. Reproduction occurs negative feelings, but not a solution to personal conflict. Working with a psychologist will help you become more confident in themselves and realize in communication with loved ones. And thus you will help them and become stronger.