What to tell your child about the father, if he left it before the birth?
The best thing you can tell a child:
You know, your dad loved you much, but we had not been able to live, because I have not found a common language. And we parted. But your father is very good and he loves you.
There are two important moment for the child without a father. The first - a good Dad. And the second - that he loved and loves children.
Very often the mummies are beginning to tell their children: "It was so horrible." They are trying to recruit a child to his side. This is completely unnecessary, at least, with the child, because from the point of view of depth psychology, the child feels half-father, half mother. For him, the combined figure of the "mother and father", which combines the coitus, this figure becomes one.
If you and mom and dad are good, then you have no problems. You did not have strong concerns regarding their own identity. You are good, you have two halves: plus plus.
But if you have one half of a good - mother, she loves you, she'll regret, and my dad - a scoundrel, a bastard, he just dropped? If it is bad in relation to the mother, then he is an enemy, it is bad in relation to the whole. Here's how it hears the baby. Mom says it's to reassure himself: "If it was good, I would have never dropped, never let go. But he's so bad. And we get rid of it. "
But it sounds like a child: "Your father is a bad one. Exactly half of your body is bad. " In an unconscious child is no difference between mom and dad. For him, this part of your body. When you say the phrase: "Dad, we good. With him I could not get along. We could not get along with him. But he loves you, ", - to give absolute s assessment that the pope is good, and therefore the child is good.
The second thing to say to the child: Dad loves you. It is also very important, because if "he's so good, but took it and left you", it means that the child is bad.
The child is easier to understand that it is bad and guilty of the divorce of parents, than to admit that the pope bad.
The child is easier to admit that "I badly did something, but in reality - I'm all-powerful. If I looked through in this situation, it would not be. "
The child thinks omnipotent manner, with the help of magical thinking: "who come to the dash, the Lenin ruin." This archaic things from childhood. For the child it is important to understand that it rules the world. And it is easier to become poor than to think that my father had a bad one. Therefore, it is absolutely important to clarify
Yes, Daddy loves you. He is good. This is our adult business with him. He does not love me, I do not like him. We therefore parted. But I can fall in love with another man, and we can meet him.
You can discuss about it and talk, but my father would still be.
Dad is good and loves you.
When we say that when we take the father of the child, no matter what it is, and say that it is good - we tell the child that "you are good."
definitely not say that his dad is good, that he loves. And clearly says: "it is our adult problems with this man."
And to give the child the love and faith in yourself.