Why mom melancholic teenager psychological counseling

The article describes experience with mother melancholic teenager.

In my previous article Ode melancholic I described the behavior of people with a melancholy temperament.

The second time to turn to the topic of temperament made me work with her mother-melancholic teenager.

At the first consultation, I invited my mother without a child to understand how to build relationships in the family. Many details of teen mothers to hear the story just is not worth it.

from the mother request goes something like this:

make sure that my younger child to attend and listen. I can not find a common language with their child.

At first, my mother tells her vision of the situation. Most recently, the child was calm, listened, studied, played silently (it was convenient!) - and suddenly everything went wrong. The teenager became poorly in school, she spends a lot of time at home, sitting on the Internet. Not answer the question, which greatly angers mother. Often in dismal condition, slow-moving, slow.

Then mom answers the questions that interest me. I spend diagnostics using metaphorical associative cards (IAC). Maps mother pulls her hand blindly.

To deal with her mother three questions:

1. How in reality the situation is at the moment. It becomes clear that the mother has a fear of losing her husband and family, who appeared as a result of her childhood trauma. Therefore, to get rid of the fear of loss, it controls, dominates, devalues ​​family, depriving them of their independence.

Why mom melancholic teenager psychological counseling

2. What are the roles played by each member of the family and how to thrive in this role. Mom pulls out the card for each family member and telling about their emotional state, in what respects they are with each other. The following picture emerges.

  • Mom as a male-breadwinner father. Feelings hurt and anger, do not like me and do not value the family. Experiencing these feelings, she wanted to accuse, screaming, hysteria, and then feel guilty.
  • Daddy in the role of child-brother to your children. Feeling: helplessness, I myself can not do anything; fear - I do not like his wife. Tempted to step back from the decision of questions, to escape into alcohol.
  • Oldest child in the role of husband and parent's youngest child. Feelings: fear - I do not like, and therefore, a desire to serve mother and supervise the younger children.
  • Youngest child as a child. Feelings: fear - I do not like weakness, not depend on me nothing, helplessness, isolation, anxiety. These feelings give rise to a desire to hide in the apartment, hiding on the internet for a long time in silence lie.

Why mom melancholic teenager psychological counseling

I draw the attention of parents, that often in this state are children melancholic. Mom with a mobile, quick temper can not understand the slow-moving, closed, insecure child. It after all in the hands of burns, everything moves, is solved. Slowness and closed child's mother perceives as resistance and begins to suppress, control, not realizing that the child can not be otherwise due to temperament.

3. What should I do.

In the third stage gets card solutions for each family member. And discuss what is best to do at the moment each member of the family to have changed for the better.

Why mom melancholic teenager psychological counseling

And at this point my mother includes fierce resistance! Because in order to change the baby, it is necessary to change the relationship with her husband, to build a new relationship with the children, to part with the usual fears. And it hurt, scared, it can not be disadvantageous. Further, the situation is evolving into a familiar scenario for both.

Mom announces your child that you have to go to a psychologist. The teenager does not understand why his psychologist, and resists. Mom on the already established pattern offended, angry at the child and the psychologist (child's position) and refuses to go to counseling.

For those parents who are inclined to take the blame, I write in large letters: MAMA DO NOT GUILTY !!! After all, it is also influenced by the circumstances, parents and the whole race. But, without even knowing my mother by his behavior hinders the development of the child, and he is the injured party.

Therefore, if the mother finds the strength to deal with their fears, childhood trauma, understands the reasons for violation of the child's behavior - the teenager is aligned automatically! Just because he lives close to a confident, calm, matured mom.

Why mom teenager psychological counseling?

  1. To find out the age characteristics of adolescence. It turns out that his mother is simply not prepared for the fact that the child grew up, and communicates with him as a kid.
  2. In order to take into account the peculiarities of the child's behavior and melancholic relaxed about its slowness and immobility. Take the child as he is.
  3. In order to stop loving the child through fear, shame, guilt, and to find new ways of communicating with a child growing up.
  4. In order to grow the most.