When grandparents replace parents child

The life of many examples where the parents of a young girl, who became pregnant without being married, decide to raise the child as her mom and dad.

Accordingly, the biological mother gets baby sister ...

Unfortunately, in rare cases, the decision remains a mystery. Quite a lot of reasons:

- witnesses in the person of relatives, friends and neighbors;

- the lack of documentary support;

- family scenes in which the child can hear the unwanted information.

Each situation will certainly need to be considered in its context. But before you make a choice in the decision of this momentous question, it is important to clearly enough to calculate the risks and think about the consequences.

Victims unweighted adult actions may carry a load of old their decisions almost all his life.

  • What is more important, "saved" to the community's reputation or daughter awakened in her maternal instinct, which would make her child happy?
  • Can there be situations in which you need to take this fateful decision?
  • What if a child someone told the truth about his origins?

These are the main issues that will be discussed in this material.

Consult girl turned 20 years of age. By this age, she had already married and lived for several months in a marriage, a divorce. It was in doubt, saying that she had no one to share it with no one prompt for the selection and decision. From the history of her childhood.

With the birth of her educated grandparents, whom she considered her parents. They lived three and older sister, that is my mother came to visit them, but participation in the life of the girl did not accept. When she was 11 years old, my grandmother was seriously ill and was hospitalized. During this period one of the relatives of the girl decided to tell the truth about her birth.

grandmother's illness affected the very mental state girls - she was worried about Mom, which is dearer to her all the world! This was the first blow to the child. But followed by a second blow - the truth about the biological mother - became more destructive ...

The girl realizes that he can lose his beloved mother (grandmother), and at the same time she did not fit in my head then, why all these years it has been so indifferent to her own mother?

During disease grandmother is gone, and friends have decided that the girl would be better to live with his mother. From the classic model of the family in which a mother and father, the girl enters the house of his birth mother, a way of life that does not fit, not only in the scope of understanding of the child, but also adults.

The girl was afraid to upset her grandmother and all my experiences vyplakivala pillow. Together with her mother she had lived for 8 years. During this period, her children's psyche was broken mother's behavior, which did not hide from their child's relationships with men, including the intimate scenes. In this case he dealt with the mother of the child. This is the only thing for which she is grateful to her ... The biggest problem was the distance between them, which is to cut the girl's mother is not considered necessary.

As a result, 20-year-old girl at the moment there are two mothers - old grandmother, she does not want to upset their problems, and a young mother, the maternal instinct which never woke up.

If the parents of adult girls, be in a position to take responsibility and become for her grandson (granddaughter) parents, it is important to note the following nuances.

  1. Take into account the readiness of their daughter to become a mother. If the expectant mother is aware of its responsibility and has expressed willingness to realize themselves as such, you should not stop her desire. In cases where it is at a loss, you need to allow time for the awareness and understanding of their situation. There are instances when against the will of the girls they have "taken" unborn children - to give the opportunity to arrange a personal life. Some of them were sent to another city or country. The distance at which it will be on your child, bring a lot of pain in different periods of life.
  2. contributed to the fact that between the daughter and her child had warm relations. The situations are different. Suppose a pregnant girl was underage, which still need to get the most feet. The parents decided to register a child for herself and hide the secret of his birth. But they are in any case should not be written off participation in the life of their daughter's baby. If it is not ripe and the maternal instinct is not expressed, then look for ways to make between her and the child were at least close family relationship.
  3. Have a clear idea of ​​the form in which they will explain to the child the truth which can open the "well-wishers". It is important to bear in mind that for each age stage can be a truth. What can understand a young person aged 16-18, will never understand a child 5 years. Many examples of children heard the information from their cousins ​​(sisters), or other people, trying to figure out the details of the house and the details, but from every member of the family, they received their "truth." For this reason, as the child gets older members of the family in his absence should discuss this issue and to be alert to the possibility that some circumstances may force them to talk to him about it.

Every action leads to the result, and it is responsible for directly the man who made it.

This simple truth is very important to teach in early childhood for both girls and boys. Then there will be reduced the risk of correcting the mistakes adults who can take their children.