Mom, Dad, I - interaction in the family
The distribution of roles in the family - the classic triad of "mother-father-child" - appears after childbirth and dramatically changes the system of relations between man and woman.
Mother and child immediately form a new dyad, very strong in the first months of a child's life. Mother and child a single entity, and that's fine.
Moms like to say, "we have bad / good to eat," "we cut a first tooth". This shows that between the child and his mother a close relationship, from both the child and the mother's side.
If everything goes right, then over time it runs. If the child has grown up, and my mother still says "we have gone to college," - it says about the unconscious codependent relationships, which are detrimental to both.
During pregnancy and the first year and a half, the psyche of the child literally lying on the mother's psyche. They are a single unit. The child has not expressed ego. Thus, the mother to the child - this is the world, the situation, the atmosphere.
From birth up to six years in the psyche of the child are in the process of identity between two poles:
- basic trust in the world,
- and basic mistrust.
to The relationship with his mother form a basic trust of the child to the world. And here it is important to all: What are the expectations of his conceiving and waited for the light, he was born as he was accepted as communicated and perceived in the first months.
The child is not important "man-hours", and the love and confidence of the mother, that all will be well. Mom becomes the inner confidence of the child in the future, the internal resistance. No wonder we say "Mother Earth", as the unconscious layers of the psyche the image of the mother is associated with this element - giving birth, feeding and absorbing the end of life. For a child it is important that Mom was stable of all. The child is crying - my mother suits, calms, takes in his arms, saying something or doing. The main thing for the baby to my mother was there, knew what to do, so it was quiet.
If the contact is in the child with his mother was, then he has a feeling that can be described as
I myself and the world in general are fine, everything will be fine, the world is safe enough, in it there is predictability.
In adulthood such a person has the confidence that you can come out a winner in any circumstances. Think of ancient myths, for example, about Demeter and Persephone. This kind of history is taught that the most terrible circumstances, a person pull the mother strength, strong, stable, natural.
If the mother and father do everything right, then one and a half years old baby feel the center of the world. This stage of development of the personality psychologists refer to as "baby-king." At this time, the child feels navel of the earth, all the attention directed at him, and that's how life shows correctly.
Moms better listen to your natural instincts, and not to the advice of Dr. Spock. The kid does not live according to the mode set by adults and physicians, he wants to eat and sleep, according to its own internal rhythms. A big mistake to alienate him from his nature. Well, if the mother follows the rhythms of the child: feeding, when he asks, puts to sleep, when he closed his eyes, fit and soothing when the child cries.
Interaction with the mother is crucial. Remember the fact that the field of child's psyche is initially in the field of mother? With age, the child appears his ego and his mental field farther away from the field mother while to 21-25 years will not separate fully. Then start a new process - the inner search for yourself, a meeting with his self. Personality will tend to be in her arms the same way as when a child wanted to be in his mother's arms. Hence, a logical conclusion - if the relationship with his mother had been more positive than negative, people will follow your way of individuation more successfully, overcoming fear and adversity, as it has an internal image of a stable and protective mother.
When a child becomes a few months old, his father appears in his life. Before the child does not take himself apart from the world. Mom, the world and the child himself - a single unit. Differentiation for the baby does not exist.
Father begins to play an increasingly important role in a child's life. He literally "breaks" in the intimate dyad "mother-child", to some extent, as a tyrant (symbolically) . may take away the origin of mass dreams of Freud's patients about violence sostorony father. Some of them could very well be not a direct and symbolic interpretation.
There is the classic triad of "mother-father-I."
If the mother is perceived at the unconscious level of the atmosphere and life itself, his father as "other people." It is important to know that the child's father should be. Everyone has the right to know that he is the father and who he is. Otherwise, the child in the future have to unknowingly seek the replacement of the figure.
Father is very important for the formation of the child's psyche, because only three of the psychological differentiation is possible. Dyad - the merger, when the other person can easily be perceived as a "hand" and "foot" of the other. The two of us, and it is a paradise, a symbiosis, we are a single unit. But when there is a third, the idyll collapses, one begins to perceive himself as an individual, and it is positive for the development of self-awareness. The father gives the child the experience that he can count on in this world for someone other than the mother. In the future, with the experience people will feel that he can count on the support of "other people".
The basic trust of the people to a greater extent depend on dad. Father protects against maternal anxiety, which is close to every mother, especially if the child is the only or the first.
Men often worry if they are good enough for the fathers of their children. To this I can answer that a good father - the one who looks at her child with interest, and not vice versa, those who slaughter of his successes, helps develops, maintains, and not vice versa.
Father puts a child on his shoulders and shows him the world. At the deepest level of the psyche of the child's father attaches to spirituality and God lifts him off the ground and property shows the boundless space.
The mother - earth, the father - the sky. This is the archetypal images that are present in the human psyche . Native Americans before any activities are turning to these verses with prayer:
Mother Earth, Father Sky, and the middle of the Great Spirit, help me to do so-and-so.