10 kinds of sexual abuse, which we are silent
About Violence today says a lot, but still not enough to completely rethink the way we live and relate to each other. Violence is not always evident in its aggressive and popular form when there is a victim (usually female) and rapist (man or group of men) where the moral, physical and psychological aspects there. Often violence is manifested in a more subtle and imperceptible to accustomed to such behavior the consciousness that it is difficult to detect and even more difficult to admit that each of us in some way the "victim" and "perpetrator". We decided to look into the matter and brought 10 cases of sexual abuse, about which few people think, and often these habits can be considered normal in relations between the partners.
1. Require sex when one partner is sick or tired
Nobody should feel as if his sex partner, exactly as do believe that sex - is a fundamental component of the integrity of your relationship. Yes, the presence of sex and its diversity, of course, strengthens the relationship. But this does not mean that one of you should feel the pressure or the fear of being judged or abandoned due to the fact that no sex. Especially the pressure should not be exerted if a partner refuses to have sex during the period of illness, fatigue or bad mood. If you or your partner takes your refusal to close due to the state as an offense, such behavior can be regarded as a wake-up call not only on the fact of violence, but also about the strength of your relationship as a whole.
2. Offending Partner words having sexual innuendo
Such behavior includes not only the offensive words during intercourse (since many similar expressions of aggression is necessary for excitation), but also all sorts of comments about sexual behavior and sexual life partners before and during the relationship. The word "slut", "dog" or phrases like "you think too much about sex," "you have had a lot / a little partner" also apply to the verbal expression of coercion - to act as it sees normal your partner. If your partner does not give you consent to discuss their sexuality, or considers the subject uncomfortable and offended when in a fit of passion you use these words, that this behavior must stop and continue to approach all sorts of deviations in the bed with great delicacy.
3. subjugates partner during sex
As long as both partners agree to the fact that the dominance and submission - this is what they both want this kind of sexual behavior can be regarded as coercion or even as a form of violence. Of course, many people experience a rule or submission during sex is necessary for the disclosure of their sexuality and pleasure. In cultures such as BDSM, this behavior is practiced and is considered necessary.
But it is worth noting that, as a rule, couples who experiment with their sexuality and BDSM enthusiasts have a number of arrangements for their actions in bed. That is why, to avoid becoming a victim and not to put his partner to "rapist", it is necessary to discuss such issues, defining comfort zone with each other.
4. Causing partner pain during sex
Again, as long as both partners want to experience and pain, such behavior is considered normal. But if your partner has hurt you without your consent or you have decided to show their emotions in this way, but did not receive an appropriate response, it is necessary to solve this problem to continue to not hurt each other, not only physically, but especially mentally.
5. Involve other people in your sexual intercourse
Sex with partners who are not part of your pair, swinging and other sexual experiments that go beyond the traditional sex, are very popular in the modern world, and for many couples this kind of pleasure is acceptable, interesting and desirable. We are not talking about the fact that this is not normal. But if you or your partner is attracted to someone of your sex life without your consent, you are faced again with the problem of sexual abuse. There are other situations. For example, you or your partner have already agreed to similar experiments in the past and talked about how they would like to try in the future, but when such a sexual act closer, you suddenly realize that you do not want. In this situation, keep the sex wrong. Despite the fact that you are open to such a possibility, it does not mean that you want it right now or you have to change your mind right. Insist on group sex on your part or on the part of the partner is considered sexual coercion.
6. Forcing partner porn movies
Use pornofilms as the excitation method or achieve a new level of intimacy partner - quite naturally and useful. In addition, each person has his personal relations and his own opinion about pornography in the lives and relationships. Forcing your partner to watch porn is unacceptable, because in this way you can cause him emotional pain. Similarly, you should not be silent when someone is forcing you to watch porn when you're not in the mood, do not want to do it just like that, or even think that this is not worth doing. Leave pornography for independent review or for those times when both partners are not against it.
7. Forcing a partner sexy dress
In terms of clothing, each of you has full freedom. It is one thing - to want to excite, surprise, or simply to please their partner's dress, and another thing - under pressure from one of you about how you should dress for sex, or in life. Unacceptable also react aggressively or to resent your partner for what he does not want to fulfill this request. Sexually, each of you should be comfortable, and all activities must be voluntary.
8. Forcing a partner to feel guilty for the lack of sex
Forcing a partner to have sex can be not only the use of force or aggression, sometimes in the course is the manipulation with the help of emotions and feelings of guilt. Let's say you are not able / mood to have sex, what your partner tells you: "I do not get enough sex from you," "If I do not get sex from you, I'll find it on the side."
This behavior can be considered as emotional abuse as well as your partner makes you feel guilty or obligated to "appease" him not to lose the relationship.
If your partner does not respect your needs, or you no longer have sex, it is another red flag. It is necessary to discuss the problems with sex without involving the manipulation and coercion, and constructively deal with the question of why one of you does not pull to another.
9. Forcing a partner to drink alcohol before sex
Despite the fact that the drink a couple of glasses of wine before sex, to create a mood - it's pretty classic scenario, alcohol is still an effective instrument of sexual coercion. Even if one of the partners is not fully unconscious, intoxicated you do not control defenses, and therefore, can agree on something that you would not have agreed to a sober state, which can be used against you.
10. Forcing a partner to have children when they are not ready
Reproductive coercion - is another form of sexual abuse, which is worth paying attention to. Classical times have been building a family, today one of the partners decides that he would like to have children. If you or your partner are not ready yet to conceive a child, the pressure coming from one of you, can be devastating. It is worth noting that the compulsion to conceive comes from men as often as by women, so do not underestimate the risk of becoming a victim of reproductive violence. Having children is necessary when you both want it and ready for it in every sense of the word. It is necessary to respect the personal boundaries of each other to build a strong relationship.