Are you ready to divorce: 5 important questions to ask yourself
How many times have you heard the phrase "divorce - is not an option"? Unfortunately, modern statistics show that this decision resorted more and more couples. According to the committee, almost 80% of marriages in Russia end in divorce, and recently there has been a decline of marriages and that may be evidence of a more competent approach to the creation of the family and the common fear of becoming part of this statistic. If your relationship divorce has become a hot topic, you should be prepared for the fact that it is much more difficult process than just separation. We decided to find out with what questions to ask yourself in order to understand whether or not a divorce - it's your decision.
1. Is it possible to save this marriage?
One of the most important issues, which is sure to ask your therapist if you return to him during a severe family situation will relate what you personally do in order to save the marriage. Before you and your spouse will become a part of the statistics of divorce, it is necessary to decide for yourself whether you can do something to save the situation. For such a case psychologists advise the following series of questions that will help you look at the problem more efficiently:
What was your marriage, when all was well?
At some point, everything changed, and why?
It has the cause of your most frequent cause of quarrels and divorce?
What would you like?
What you put into your relationship?
You're going to make an effort to save the marriage? What are your actions worsen the relationship?
If you can discuss these issues with your partner and determine the answer to them herself, then maybe you can look for divorce differently. And then the two of you will see that light at the end of the tunnel is still there.
2. Do the emotions at me?
According to psychologists, the decision to get a divorce - it's not an impulsive rush, and a balanced and thought-out plan, which must be actuated only if you are emotionally reconciled with him. "I'm ready for it, I realize that I am doing and will be able to take all the things that happen in the next stage of life."
In real life it is very difficult to walk out the door without experiencing anger, pain and frustration, especially for women. Divorce often jagged force experience will. However, therapists agree that you need not go in anger, and finding the realization that disperse - the only way out for you. In order to pass through this stage more aware and not let emotions lead the parade, here's a few more questions, approved by experts:
You still love your spouse?
Are you hurt?
Are you confused?
Even if the answer to all these questions is "yes", it does not mean that you are saved. In this case, you have to prepare the ground for their emotional present - to find ways to survive the terrifying emotions without her husband.
3. Will I be able to cope financially?
Emotions - one of the most destructive force in relationships, but the money - beacon of reality that often keeps people from transforming solutions. This question is very important to ask yourself, but remember that you zadash it in order to have an idea about what your life would be without her husband, and that we should start to do now, because the fear of being dependent on a previous marriage can not be built. It does not matter whether the divorce was your decision or your spouse, be sure to ask yourself if you are ready to live and cope with the daily difficulties of their own. Do you have enough money to rent an apartment, do what you want, perhaps, to bring up children (in fact most of the divorce comes after how the family is formed)?
4. Am I willing to divorce legally?
Divorce is much more difficult than simply give up. You can internally to accept the fact that you are no longer husband and wife, but the process of "liberation" will continue, becoming a source of stress, new problems and all sorts of social hazards such as the division of property, custody and alimony. If everything will be resolved peacefully and simply move your husband - it is one question, and if you both let in a crazy voyage "who gossip" - very different. You should be prepared for the fact that one day it's over, and you can not start a new life as long as their divorce. You should ask yourself whether you have done everything possible to reduce stress to a minimum. Are you ready for a new relationship with your ex-husband? Can you just be soroditelyami or children - another reason for partition and stress?
Therapists are advised to arm the help of professionals who will be able to enlighten you on the legal aspects of divorce, and to help protect yourself in case of emergencies. Remember that at this point you need to be more than ever a strong, independent and savvy in social issues.
5. Whose life touches my divorce?
Many of us have faced parental divorce - someone at a young age, someone has to make conscious. In any case, if this is your story, then you should remember that it is a painful experience, not only for spouses, but for children (if any). Therapists are advised not to involve children in "adult problems" and not try to relive the tragedy due to them. Whatever happens, childhood - this is a very important period in a child's life, and if you're a mother, you must protect it. Stay married to unloved man or a man, with whom relations have not make happy, irrational and harmful as well as for your children for you, but it is worth asking yourself and clearly answer the question: Who, besides you, touches the divorce? Whose life he will change and how?
If the child is not married, the issue is still relevant, because you can feel the pressure from their parents, friends or even a spouse, if the decision to leave was your initiative.