5 subtle signs that a guy is trying to control you
Almost 20 years to ask permission from my mother, the rest of her life - her husband. This is not love, and controlling behavior. If in the case of a mother to a certain age, it is justified to the guy you get already formed personality with a full right of independence.
Recognize your partner in an unhealthy craving for control is important in the beginning of the relationship, while you are still able to reclaim personal space. Heroine has collected basic signs of controlling behavior and tell you how to confront it.
1. Too thoughtful
It is easy to miss controlling behavior at an early stage of the relationship, because at this time it is disguised as a courtship, romance and chivalry other attributes. When a guy is doing behind you order in a restaurant or advises what to go there, it may be a hidden attempt to show strength. Then follow the recommendations, with whom you communicate and how to spend free time.
The problem with this behavior is that all your attempts to limit its intervention are perceived with hostility - because the guy "means well" and prevent you from making decisions supposedly in good faith.
2. jealous when you spend time with him not
If a guy wants to be involved in everything that happens in your life, this is a serious red flag. As the lawyer, specializing in family violence, Lara Holtz:
Controlling intimate partners often exhibit jealousy, which can be flattering to the beginning of a relationship, but be careful: jealousy is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness. The desire to spend more time together in the beginning of a relationship is natural, but you should maintain the autonomy, if you do not want the rest of his life to drag Man to meet with friends or corporate parties.
3. punishing silence
Pay attention to a partner who responds to your disagreement ostentatious silence.
This tactic, known as withdrawal, is intended to tilt the balance of power to the controlling partner - Holtz explains. - So he makes a sacrifice, in desperate need of reconciliation, to be humiliated, to be forgiven.
You can convince yourself that it is silent, because it does not want to upset or conflict. In fact, this technique is not more than manipulation.
4. Do not approve of your friends and family
Trying to isolate the partner from friends and family - a classic sign of the managing partner. This guy wants to reduce the social impact on the girl, to her it was easier to control.
Should be wary if a man for no apparent reason ill of your close friend or complain that you are too much in touch with family. Left without external support, you become an easy target for his manipulation.
5. do not respect your privacy
The pair should be no secrets from each other - this is the main argument of the controlling partner. Your phone - his phone number, your e-mail - his mail, your mind - well, you understand.
Frankness in relationships is important, but only in the part that concerns you both. You still have a right to privacy, confidential chat with friends and other pleasures of an independent person. Only you decide whether to give the guy a password from their social networks, and a bank card. This is the part of life that concerns only you. If time does not stop trying to control everything your partner interaction, it may be unsafe not only for you but also for those with whom you communicate.
What to do if your partner controls
According to Lara Holtz, the relationship with the controlling partner can be saved, provided that you are able to establish a solid personal boundaries, and he - to take them.
As soon as you feel that the guy annoying you with his intervention, immediately talk openly with him about it. If time does not stop controlling behavior, it can worsen and lead to more serious psychological or even physical abuse.
When the guy is not ready to make compromises or promises, but does not do so, better to end the relationship, rather than trying to change the person or live by his rules.
Are you faced with controlling behavior on the part of the guy and how to respond to it?