We are friends: how to continue the dialogue with the former after parting

The desire to change the city or the planet after breaking up with a guy, quite naturally, but for some people a break - this is not the end but only a change in the format of relations. If this man close to you just like a human, deprive yourself of a good friend is not necessary. We explain how to correctly build relationships with the former if you decide to stay friends.

Decide why you want to continue to communicate with the former

We are friends: how to continue the dialogue with the former after parting

To begin with you should honestly think about their motives. If the extension does not need to communicate - for example, you work together and forced to interact - and your personal desire, understand its causes.

A study published in 2017 in Personal Relations journal, revealed 4 reasons why people support friendship with former practicality (joint ownership of something or finances, including parenting after divorce), security (emotional support, trust) courtesy and outstanding romantic desires.

It is obvious that the relations of those who tried to remain friends of courtesy or unresolved romantic desires, ended not so well. But keep the dialogue for the sake of genuine support or pragmatic reasons - the idea is quite promising.

Give yourself a little space

We are friends: how to continue the dialogue with the former after parting

You need time to move from platonic to romantic relationships. A clinical social worker and psychotherapist Avry Todd said that the completion of relationships also requires conscious effort: All relationships have a beginning, middle and end. This applies to short-term acquaintances and lifelong partnerships. We need to invest efforts in the completion of relationships in the same way as we do at the beginning and the middle.

Once you have decided to leave, you need to find ways to move away for a while from a partner - this applies not only face to face meetings, but also social networks. At first, the gap can be a blow to dispense with the person with whom previously communicated regularly, psychologically hard. But, as corny as it sounds, the feelings do not last forever, and this too shall pass.

If the partner accepts the idea to stop communicating negative, explain to him that it was necessary for both of you. It will be easier if you set a specific time frame in which all will not interact, such as a month or more.

Correct spend time together

Even when sufficient time has elapsed to enable you to communicate without mutual insults and romantic feelings, you should control the communication format.

Avoid sharing drinking - sooner or later it will lead to the clarification of the relationship, says, which later regret, or sex.

Meet on neutral territory. Avoid places that are special to you emotional load: cafes, where you spend time in a pair, park where you loved to kiss.

Ideally, find the least romantic and erotic place and activity: a gym, a walk on the street, a shopping trip.

We are friends: how to continue the dialogue with the former after parting

to set boundaries

We are friends: how to continue the dialogue with the former after parting

If you spend a lot of time with the former, old wounds are open, and that's fine. I noticed that the daily correspondence, frequent meetings, his constant stories about other girls or inquiries about your personal life cause you unhealthy emotions - to set boundaries. Identify topics for which would not like to communicate more with him. Dosing communication. You do not have to pretend that everything is all right, if in fact the interaction with the former hurts you. If the guy is offended by your attempts to step back, explain that it's not that he'll no longer important, just its role has changed in your life, so the communication format can not stay the same.

Be ready to face with him by chance

Sometimes fate spit on your attempts to delete the former of his life - and it can push you at any time.

The main thing is worth doing - do not take this as a worst nightmare. Beforehand, you can easily meet at your favorite bar or shop. Think how would you like to respond in such a situation - say hello to pass and continue to rest; pretend that you do not notice it as much as possible.

Even if you want as soon as possible to get out of this place - there is nothing wrong with that. You have the right to feel any emotion.

Do you keep a good relationship with the former It was possible and how?