What to do if you have a man different values
Common values - too abstract concept to define them exactly how you and your partner each other come. You can have the same hobby, listen to similar music, dreaming about the same, but suddenly find that categorically do not agree with each other in matters of politics or religion. Tell us what to do if somewhere between the first date and full relations discovered that you have a man different life values.
Understand the role played by your beliefs for you
The religious, political and other views - this is a very private, and only you can decide what role they have in your life.
For some people, politics, social activism - an important part of their existence, which can not be reduced to the usual after-dinner debate. They can not separate themselves from their beliefs, so it is important that the partners share this position. As noted by psychologist Nicole Issa:
If the policy is to have primary importance and difference of opinion with your partner on your nerves and leads to a loss of respect for him - this is a bad sign for the relationship.
However, for most people, politics - just a topic for small talk, so the debate about who deserves to become the next president, only to enliven the conversation and did not harm relations.
exchange views and mark the boundaries of
If you are satisfied with the different political or religious views, because otherwise your partner values are the same, you still should discuss it. Tell everyone about your worldview, how it was formed and that affect you. This will help you to get to know each other, and partly understand why the partner thinks so, and not otherwise. What exactly should not try to do - to convince a man and forced to accept your point of view. At best, you just do not understand each other, and at worst it leads to conflict. Identify topics that you do not have to be discussed and agreed not to deal with them in the future.
Give each other the opportunity to disagree
During the discussion, it is important that each of you give others the opportunity to disagree, without arrogance, skepticism and other toxic emotions. The fact that you have different views on some things, not bad - it allows you to expand your own horizons. The main thing that the conversation does not turn into conflict, be caring and respectful.
Psychologist Nicole Issa recommends that during the debate to keep an element of physical contact such as holding hands or sit close to each other. In addition, if the conversation gets too emotional, it should abort and continue at another time.
Decide what things you are willing to compromise
Relationship - a mutual search for opportunities to adapt to the partner, without losing yourself. When you understand that beliefs are not the same guy with yours, try to find out if any of these things that you are willing to tolerate, even without sharing them.
For example, perhaps you are non-religious, but easily can celebrate with the partner family Christmas or Easter, because it is important for him. But at the same time to go to church with him or agree to the wedding - is already too much for you. The main thing that he knew about your views and do not force you to change them.
Discuss the beliefs you would like to instill in your children
One of the biggest challenges for those who decide to start a family with someone other convictions or religious beliefs - how it will affect children, that they might appear. Someone thinks baptized in infancy must, some prefer to give the child the opportunity to decide what to believe. It is important for you to come to a compromise, ideally before they become parents. Therefore, to discuss children's never too early - a partner is unlikely to change, and you should be clearly aware of this when deciding to associate with the life of him.
Think about how your family react to the guy
When it is not just about your or his beliefs, but about the values that are shared by your family, be prepared for additional problems. Imagine what conflicts may arise, how will you address them and how far are willing to go to defend their relationship.
People with divergent views can create a healthy relationship if their values on fundamental issues converge. Mutual respect and the ability to listen to each other often more important than common interests.