The rigidity of the parents and its impact on adults
To a child up to
are psychologically healthy,
resistance to stress and complexities of life, it is important to obtain a careful and attentive attitude from parents.
By the way, when parents do not listen to the opinion of the child, decide for him what is right for him and what is not - is not a caring attitude.
When parents can not afford to insult the child, pluck it my bad mood, to belittle his achievements, or to ignore them - is not a caring attitude.
When parents allow themselves to discuss the child's behavior with anyone in the presence of a child - is not a caring attitude.
When the child's parents read blogs, check the phone, spying on a child - is a violation of the child's boundaries.
This list can be very long. It is clear that parents usually perform such actions that violate the border of the child, because of his parents' anxiety and fear of losing control. I do not want to offend anyone, I want to inform and conclusions let everyone makes himself.
Respect - this is when parents take into account the views of the child at least in matters relating to the child. When parents do not offend the child and do not humiliate him, or if they feel they crossed the border, can ask for forgiveness. Also, careful attitude - this is when you do not discount the feelings of the child, and treat them with understanding and taking pictures. When a child grows up in an environment where it is treated not care where disregard his feelings, where there is no respect for his personal time and space, it has formed a certain attitude. The child gets used to feel like a victim of circumstances, significant enough, and that the worst thing is to believe in what way it should be.
Children often think that just because the parents treat them, it is because they, the children, were guilty. Mom or dad no longer love them, because they - bad. Children do not understand that parents are only human and can make mistakes, do not be in the spirit, have defects of character.
Well, if the life of the child, there are other adults who show respect and care for him. Then the child an opportunity to experience the difference and see what it can to treat more carefully. He has the possibility of at least situationally, in communion with careful adult, notice its value to someone else, if not for the parents.
When a person who grew up in a tough treatment by relatives, becomes an adult, he continues to play normally parental behavior that is cruel to others and to themselves. We usually live as accustomed. Of course, in childhood itself a victim of ill-treatment do not always notice how her behavior affects relationships with others, and can not influence it. It is a vicious circle:
- people cruel to others,
- surrounding disappear from his life or show reciprocal aggression.
And it may seem that the world is cruel, that it is not like that nobody can be trusted.
Man unconsciously continues to recreate the relationship in which he had lived since childhood.
Despair? Impotence? Can I change it?
Yes, I can.
If a man will begin to notice how his behavior affects others, and begin to change their behavior. Perhaps he will change his behavior to a more careful, other people will start to treat him with more kindness and consideration. And the vicious circle will open. A lot can change in life, working on himself.